Altering the perception of BDSM (97)

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7 Oct 07, 9:43 PM
gentleguy
UK(SW), 6 yrs
Y!

IndelibleMarker wrote:
I'm going to continue to maintain that as a tactic to help encourage people to listen it will, over time, help our cause.
Your cause, not mine.

7 Oct 07, 9:44 PM
fdghdfkhjgk
2 yrs
IndelibleMarker wrote:

Poppy_Blue wrote:
there are many people within bdsm who have problems with accepting fellow bdsmers kinks. i contributed to a thread the other day on scat where a few ic members referred to this activity as revolting, stomach turning etc. that's just amongst our own.
A gay man who doesn't like the idea of giving oral sex won't get called a homophobe.
Words ending in phobia can be used as a technique to encourage people who don't really want to listen, to sit down, take notice and be educated.
the comments i mentioned didn't say "i don't like" they used words such as "revolting" and "stomach churning". it's possible that any scat lover reading the comments were left feeling bad about themselves. i know for a fact that one scat lover was afraid to post his views because of the reaction. as i've said before, that's just amongst our own. if the gay man said he found giving oral sex revolting and stomach churning then to some degree he would be a homophobe and if the straight man made the same comments then would definitely be labeled a homophobe.
i guess i'm trying to say it's not a bdsm community against the world thing, but a need for us all as individuals to be more tolerant of our fellow human beings.

"you dont ride a boat, you row a boat" "oh boat, i thought you said goat?"

7 Oct 07, 9:45 PM
MarwoodBramwell
UK(CB), 3 yrs
Well I tend to find the moment Keira Knightly is cast then a film is spoiled for me, but then according to mainstream and the Hollywood money she is what people want to see.
And wasn't Secretary a huge step forward from Preaching to the Perverted and the "heartwarming" message that all any Domme really wants deep down is to be lovely and girly again.
I would, at least when talking to vanilla individuals and trying to explain BDSM, suggest grabbing Secretary with both hands and holding it close as far as a overall stereotype goes, we could do a whole lot worse.
(That and I don't mind people thinking of James Spader and me in the same group)

7 Oct 07, 9:48 PM
z12345
16 mths
Poppy_Blue wrote:
i guess i'm trying to say it's not a bdsm community against the world thing, but a need for us all as individuals to be more tolerant of our fellow human beings.
I'm with you! "We" as a group are not so different from "the vanilla people" that we need all this discussion. Let's all just go out, be good ambassadors, fight the stupid laws and I'm sure we'll find more acceptance and tolerance.

7 Oct 07, 9:50 PM
IndelibleMarker
UK(N), 3 yrs

mtii2007 wrote:
I am saying they know exactly what it is and don't give a shit. You remind me of the song "I wanna be a minority!"
Exactly, the entire focus of this thread from the opening post was to develop a way to encourage them more effectively to actually listen, be educated and to "give a shit".
I agree the Secretary is the best we have (it blows "The Pet" out of the water!) and I do encourage interested 'nillas to have a look at it, it's a start that's for sure.
Tuam matrem feci,
Patrick
IndelibleMarker

7 Oct 07, 9:55 PM
z12345
16 mths Why must people who don't care one way or the other about our sexuality "be educated" and "give a shit"? What a supercilious attitude.
Do you have any idea how much resentment people work up when people preach to them and call them ignorant? Do you have any idea what sort of damage you can do "educating" people?

7 Oct 07, 10:04 PM
IndelibleMarker
UK(N), 3 yrs

mtii2007 wrote:
Why must people who don't care one way or the other about our sexuality "be educated" and "give a shit"? What a supercilious attitude.
Do you have any idea how much resentment people work up when people preach to them and call them ignorant? Do you have any idea what sort of damage you can do "educating" people?
I know perfectly well. The fact is, there's a reason why the phrase homophobia worked for the gay community.
The people who currently decide on laws which have the potential to effect every one of us are making their judgements based on perception and clever wordplay rather than fact. No evidence supports the idea that violent porn encourages people to murder. Social perception on the other hand does support the idea. Social perception is what laws are formed around. Homosexuality used to be illegal and abhorrent and then social perception changed and the laws followed suit.
I'm not calling anyone ignorant and factually educating anyone who makes complicated decitions which affects peoples lives to better understand the factors involved is never a negative thing.
Tuam matrem feci,
Patrick
IndelibleMarker

7 Oct 07, 10:04 PM
mmutie
UK, 3 yrs

IndelibleMarker wrote:
snip>Finally on a sort of side note, at Imperial Freshers Fare this year they were handing out fliers on how to have gay sex. The fliers contained all the standard information on oral, anal and mutual masturbation but it also showed safe use of nipple clamps, gags, dildos, restraints and asphixiation etc. An asphixiation case, remember was what started this entire "violent porn" thing rolling. Yet clearly it's acceptable for homosexuals. Nobody batted an eyelid. Why? Because to say it's unacceptable for homosexuals would be homophobic. I thought that was quite interesting.<snip
I think this is something that is seen as less of a taboo for a variety of reasons, rather than solely from a fear of being criticised. In particular, there is a more developed culture of safer sex education within the gay community because there has been greater attention paid to it for a longer period of time. The gay community (although some would argue it is not a community) is already a marginalised group, so the wider society tends not to notice, or care, what happens. Finally, I would also argue that it is probably less to do with the fear of being accused of homophobia and more to do with lingering stereotypes and attitudes.

7 Oct 07, 10:06 PM
z12345
16 mths The word "homophobia" is not the reason that there is less homophobia.

7 Oct 07, 10:11 PM
IndelibleMarker
UK(N), 3 yrs

mtii2007 wrote:
The word "homophobia" is not the reason that there is less homophobia.

The word feminism is part of the reason some people don't take them seriously (refer to my argument on feminism giving the impression of female supremecy while if they refered to themselves as equalitarians people would understand and accept them more readily)
The word homophobia is not the sole reason for the change in perception and the improvement in gay rights. It did however help their battle.
Tuam matrem feci,
Patrick
IndelibleMarker

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