One of those days... (1)

disneypuppy's profile

Posted by disneypuppy on Wed 3 Oct 07, 3:18 PM

I took the day off work today. I have felt totally disjointed at work this week, that horrible “new girl” feeling. Everything is the same, but everything is different. I just felt like there was something within me missing. I was also feeling flat within myself, lacking energy; lacklustre.

I planned a nice long sleep in, which I have not had for ages and ages (in my own beautiful bed!!!), then to spend the afternoon chilling and papering myself, avoiding chores and walking the dog, before going out tonight.

Instead, I woke up at around 9.30 (not my idea of a sleep in) and found myself feeling really low, I might even go as far as saying I felt depressed. I tried my normal little tricks for shaking it off, but the grey clouds were way too stubborn to leave me. So I watched some tv in bed, ate the food that was meant to be for dinner, slobbed around for a while, added in a few wanks, and generally felt no better. I knew that some of the feeling related to missing hubby (get back home now!!!).

Experience has shown me that I need to find a way out of this frame of mind, as it only becomes more and more self-destructive. I was even contemplating taking the rest of the week off work! I tried going back to bed; too many thoughts. I tried going online; too many idiots. Finally I resigned to taking the dog for a walk.

In the car we get (yep my idea of a dog walk) and drive the mile to the country park. Out we get and off she goes. This was the first time I had walked her off the lead in months. Most walks are on footpaths and therefore on the lead, the “nicer” walks were not a luxury I had had, due to being away. I had totally forgotten how much joy she gets from running free, and just how much she loves swimming. It was perfect weather for us; damp and grey. She ran and ran. She came every time she was called. She sat and waited when she was told. She swam and swam and swam. She loved it.

I was busy taking deep bracing breaths (in between fags), soaking up the English countryside I had missed so much. Getting a buzz from watching my baby enjoy herself so much. It was a great tonic and I was glad I had come out; it seemed to have halted the spiral of negativity within me. After about 30 minutes of walking I turned around and began to head back to the car.

It was at this point that I came across a lady with two collies. We got chatting, about the dogs, and it was lovely. We continued on walking & I found myself realising that I had no need to be sad, I did not need to reflect, I did not need to find the answers to all my questions – I could just be happy being me once more. So thank you Jen for walking along that route this afternoon and brightening my day, it meant the world to me & I hope to return the favour to someone else ASAP.

I have other demons to deal with this evening, but will cross that bridge when I get there

Edited Wed 3 Oct 07, 4:24 PM by disneypuppy

Replies

4 Oct 07, 3:40 PM
BarbieSlutLoki
UK, 3 yrs
Nice to know you're in good spirits

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