Posted by kesriel on Sun 16 Sep 07, 10:44 AM to kesriel's blog.
i think of many things, too much, Many would say. i think of the things i have been taught, the things i have learnt and the things i still hope Another will teach me. There is much i would have wished never to have known, much i would have hoped never to have felt, But there are still so many dreams...
i will continue to learn, to grow,to survive and more than that, to live...
Each day is a gift. Each morning i awaken to the sun just beginning to shatter the darkness. i listen to the birdsong, a fleeting beauty before the sounds of the city drown out all else. i watch the People walking past me and i wonder at the mass of Those Who never permit a smile to soften Their features. i work each day and even within the business world i revel within the need to please and serve. i curl silently sitting crosslegged upon the balcony at the end of my day, the darkness like a cloak around my solitude...
i think again upon the passage of time, the changes within my world and the People Who smile upon me, so much will never be the same again. So much is better that it must change. So much is wiser that it will change. Yet also, so much, i regret will never change...
the history i have lived has made me. The People i have known have taught me. The Friends Who still greet me, Who wish me within Their lives, never know How precious They are to me. The lives i have touched, have given me hope.
The dreams i still have, unspoken, remain within me. In the darkest time of history they have sustained me. In the morning of today those dreams are held within the Friendships i have and the Friends i hope to find...
i exist because Another wished my existence to be. i survived because Another could not destroy all hope. But i live because i wish to and i will continue to live and to learn, to evolve and grow, within my mind, my understanding and my hopes. Because no History, no Past, no Other has the right to take that from me...
i will doubt myself and Others. i will stumble over difficulties and misunderstandings. Sometimes i will fall beneath the crushing weight of self-loathing and the harshness of Those i have disappointed. Sometimes my journey will stall through illness and pain but i will continue to pick myself up, lifted in the strong and caring arms of Those Who try to understand me, Those Who try to care for me, Those Who seek to help me find myself amidst the confusion of spiraling thoughts of past, present and future fears and hopes...
i will walk again amongst Those Who permit me call Them Friend and, one day, i will find the right path. No more rocks to stumble over. No more thorns to tear pale flesh. Barefoot i will walk with the knowledge that this path will bring me to the One Who sees all that i am and does not doubt, the One Who accepts and understands my hopes and fears...
it isn't wrong to dream. It isn't wrong to hope. i regret nothing. i am who and what i am, the flaws, the faults, the pain and self-loathing, the needs, desires and wishes...
my history made me what i am now. But Those Who allow me Their Friendship will make me what i may become.
Edited Mon 17 Sep 07, 3:40 AM by kesriel
| 25 Sep 07, 4:27 PM LondonTrainer UK, 6 yrs |
I read all your weblogs, and was really amazed by the strength and depth of feeling, and felt a sadness that for some reason, your first relationship ended. I tend not to respond to logs, as I rarely know the people, not attending munches etc too often and not really being terribly free personally - but, I hope you find your One. Robert Edited 25 Sep 07, 4:29 PM by LondonTrainer |
| 26 Sep 07, 2:19 PM BeeDee UK(GL), 12 yrs   |
There is a rather nice line in the Bible, "to have life, and to have it more abundantly". As you intimate, so many people are barely alive. Edited 26 Sep 07, 2:20 PM by BeeDee |
