Counselling and Psychotherapy (8)

The_Counsellor's profile

The_Counsellor
Posted by The_Counsellor on Thu 13 Sep 07, 1:50 PM

I have been thinking about people's responses to Counselling and Psychotherapy recently.

I have long been aware that some people find it difficult to admit that they could do with help of this kind and see it a weakness or stigma to be seeking help. My approach to that is to be available, and to help normalise the initial contact with potential clients so they can feel it's the most natural and OK thing to get help.

There is another perspective that people can get help from having good supportive friends. This I agree with. Those who have close friends with whom they are able to be totally open, and who are able and willing to give time to listen and to be supportive and objective where needed are very lucky and may never need therapy. However there are many people not in that position or who while they have friends find a particular issue hard to discuss.

Another point of view I have recently become aware of is that offering counselling or therapy in exchange for payment is abusive and exploitive. I must say I find this line of thought perplexing. There are several reasons why I think the availability of psychotherapy is necessary and appropriate: There are lots of people in the scene who are struggling with problems that they are afraid to broach to their friends or family; they want to talk to someone who won't try to cure them; I have the skills, qualifications, & facilities to offer this kind of help; if I give my time and skill it's only fair that I should receive compensation for my work as others do; if I take someone on as a client it occurs after clear discussion about what they want, what I can offer and the agreement between us (i.e. there is informed consent).

I am a psychotherapist in my vanilla life, so it follows that I believe that psychotherapy can be of enormous benefit to people. I also recognise that many people would not seek psychotherapy and have other ways to deal with problems. What I desire is that those who have problems and are in the scene know there is the possibility of looking for non judgemental help.

Replies

13 Sep 07, 2:17 PM
MsKitten_fp
UK, 5 yrs So basically, this is a pitch for work?
Shouldn't you have a Ł with your name if you are advertising on IC for fee paying clients?

13 Sep 07, 5:19 PM
pam_minxy
UK, 6 yrs

i remember when i first came home to bdsm and reading so much and on soem american sites (possibly Castle realm, Gloria Brame or Jay wiseman) seeing a list of kink freindly professionals in all fields and thought that was exactly what this country needed.
If there is such a list i am not aware of it and if there is then hopefully someone will point it us to it (and yep maybe Tanos has one set up already eek)
I do remember one friend going through counselling who was happy to acknowledge alcoholism and many other things and who was then an amazing and open person but couldn't talk to the counsellor about BDSM.
and there are so many more out there
thankfully i have a lovely counsellor who while not understanding it fully, accepts that it is not a sublimation of other feelings but an integral part of ME ( it helped that i could tell her Good pain goes straight to my clit bad pain doesn't as well as asking if she had ever been bitten? ever had a love bite? know the difference?)
good luck
We have to accept other people's "imperfections" if we want them to accept ours
SYNCHRONICITY ROCKS

13 Sep 07, 6:21 PM
EricStanton
UK(BD), 7 yrs

The_Counsellor wrote:
Those who have close friends with whom they are able to be totally open, and who are able and willing to give time to listen and to be supportive and objective where needed are very lucky and may never need therapy.
This is true but many well meaning friends tend to react and collude, which can feel supportive but often isn't. A professional would,could,should avoid this.
.
"Insanity is a gradual process - don't rush it" ........Ford Prefect
kink friendly services
peer rope

13 Sep 07, 6:52 PM
Sweetiejar
UK(S), 8 yrs
In think you have made some excellent points.
I have also often wondered at peoples strange reaction to any form of therapy. Good friends are a Godsend but its no good if they cant remain objective and see things without bias.
The issue of payment is again puzzling, if you use someones professional service then why wouldnt you pay them. Its how they put food on the table and pay the mortgage.
Sweetiejar
The more you sweat in practice...the less you bleed in battle.
www.chesterfieldconclave.com

13 Sep 07, 7:56 PM
Lingus
UK, 5 yrs
Counselling....been there...done that...in hindsight found it objectional. Would councellors say "there you are...it worked" cos I realised that no amount of counselling could make any difference? Dunno....seems like I couldn't win no matter what I thought/said....."It's not about winning or losing" I can imagine being said!
Aint gonna deny that some/many get benifit from 'counselling'. If it's felt to be needed, then those providing it should be paid.
This is ME.....this is what I think:
I've had a few experiences with various counsellors; what they told me boils down to one thing..."I MUST CHANGE" Thin end of the wedge. Once I start, who knows where it'll end?
To me, self-esteem is ALL...without that I have nothing. Everybody gets hurt.....I've been hurt, and have been urged to try and see things from "the others point of view" ...done that....regret that.....several of my 'opponents' are now dead; therefore scores cannot be settled; they have gone through their lives never knowing how much they've been hated, and it hurts me to know that I can never hurt them. Some are still alive....a few are younger than me.....unforgivable for me to make the same mistake twice.
In this particular situation, I had no choice but to recieve counselling (it was a point of law). 'They' have made me realize that I count for nothing. It was good that I've now had confirmed that I was right.....but I know that wasn't the intended result. This situation is like a runnaway train....and soon-ish it'll be derailed...the carnage shall be awsome.
If one aint for me, then one is against me....simple!
Every now and then, I read something that just demands a rant from me!
Not 'a'lot 'a' people know that

8 Oct 07, 3:15 PM
The_Counsellor
UK(WA), 21 mths

MsKitten_fp wrote:
So basically, this is a pitch for work?
Shouldn't you have a Ł with your name if you are advertising on IC for fee paying clients?
No its not a pitch for work. Its a musing about my issues like most weblogs.
and yes since through this profile I offer services that I charge for I have a Ł in my profile.

The Counsellor Kink Friendly Counselling and Therapy Let me help you to be the best you that you can be

8 Oct 07, 3:19 PM
The_Counsellor
UK(WA), 21 mths

pam_minxy wrote:
i remember seeing a list of kink friendly professionals in all fields and thought that was exactly what this country needed.
If there is such a list i am not aware of it and if there is then hopefully someone will point it us to it (and yep maybe Tanos has one set up already eek)
The Leather Family have a list of friendly professionals on their site. They call it ALF Alterntive Lifestyle Friendly.
The Counsellor Kink Friendly Counselling and Therapy Let me help you to be the best you that you can be

8 Oct 07, 3:30 PM
The_Counsellor
UK(WA), 21 mths

Lingus wrote:
Every now and then, I read something that just demands a rant from me!
Thanks for the rant, Lingus

Lingus wrote:
In this particular situation, I had no choice but to receive counselling (it was a point of law).
I don't agree with forcing counselling. It breaks the basic contract between client and therapist, which only works when both are willing to participate.

Lingus wrote:
what they told me boils down to one thing..."I MUST CHANGE"
Therapy is about change and it can only be when and what a client wants to change (see above). We can only change ourselves, no one can change us (although under enough pressure we may give in to a pattern someone else sets to survive)

The Counsellor Kink Friendly Counselling and Therapy Let me help you to be the best you that you can be


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