Posted by RavenMuse on Wed 5 Sep 07, 12:36 PM to RavenMuse's blog.
This is something I have came across rather often, both in RL and reading posts and blogs on various forums.
There can be many reasons for it, one of the most common is 'baggage', people, dims in the girls past treating them like shit, valueless, disposable, not willing to put in any effort and work with them, undermining what little confidence they might of had because they are weak men who couldn't control someone if they can't MAKE them weak..... many reasons, many factors.
However it comes about, one common problem is the low self worth driven self destruct timebomb.
The girl gets an image of themself as being too problematic, too worthless, too needy, too bratty........ in short 'not slave enough' and not good enough to be treated well.
When they find themself with a decent Master, one who does treat them well. Values them, controls them.... that reality is suddenly in conflict with that image.
Consciously they crave what they have, but subconsciously they have that little voice "Not good enough. Don't deserve. Fake. going to be found out"........ problems start arising, attitudes slip.... "Pushing away" driven by those fears but making those fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Defusing it isn't easy as it takes BOTH sides to defuse. If the Dominant can get them and keep them working with Him then it can be gotten over..... if they stop working with Him............ if there is no boom today, it'll be boom tomorrow!
| 5 Sep 07, 12:51 PM x_Thunder_x UK(E), 9 yrs      |
I understand completely where you are coming from. A low self worth by a submissive is, as you say, a ticking timebomb and can lead to self fulfilling prophecies however patient a Dominant is and however one tries to reassure the person the slightest (unintentional or perceived) slight can make the submissive withdraw back into her shell ^Thunder^ | ||
| 5 Sep 07, 12:53 PM Master_Prae UK, 5 yrs |
As explained in a previous weblog by my sub, Praes Girl, she sometimes experiences feelings of self doubt, about her abilities, her qualities and her self image. For the record, she is beautiful, she is obedient, her service to me is wonderful and together we will overcome her demons. Thank you Ravenmuse for further highlighting the problems experienced by submissives who have been badly or unfairly treated I'm exploring my sexual kinkdom. i've opened the backdoor and its a fricking wilderness out there. pass me my big whip....no dear, the big one. | ||
| 5 Sep 07, 12:55 PM RavenMuse 6 yrs |
*g* Tell Me something I don't know. But I am sure He would agree with Me that, like with so many, it is that self image and self doubt that is the biggest factor in that. He sees the value in you else He wouldn't BE where He is now would He? Trust in that and work with Him even if YOU can't see it. Feisty is fine, feisty is enjoyable, feisty != unsubmissive
| ||
| 5 Sep 07, 12:58 PM x_Lexie_x 6 yrs |
I deleted my post.. Dunno why.. But thanks
~ Let your tears come. Let them water your soul. ~ | ||
| 5 Sep 07, 12:58 PM Kinky_Embrace UK(DL), 4 yrs |
Alot of what you've written makes perfect sense, but I just want to offer an alternative train of thought for the person suffering from low self -worth: consciously - you don't know what you want, or you KNOW that you aren't worthy of someone decent (as your brain has been programmed that way by the people in your past, and when it's been programmed that much you really cannot convince yourself that you are worthy of better). subconsciously - why's he being so nice to me? When's it all going to go wrong? I'm happy but there's something missing (the stress, fear and worry). I went through this vicious cycle for about 8 years before I finally conquered it, I needed the support of my partner at the time but I knew he couldn't help me in the way he wanted to (why do men want to fix everything?), so he watched the transformations in me until my therapy was complete (took a year), some were subtle, some were like a beacon. The healing process is not easy for anyone concerned as there tends to be alot of suspicion in the person's mind re. other people's motives etc., and it does put an enormous strain on everyone involved but it can be beaten and overcome, and I now love life, love living life, and know that I deserve more in life.
So, to anyone in this situation, decide if you want to live or to simply exist - I highly recommend living, it's not that scary | ||
| 5 Sep 07, 1:15 PM Malbon UK(LS), 8 yrs |
Submissives often present with low self-esteem. In my experience low self-esteem often appears to be entirely endogenous, that is to say generated from within, and not actually the result of mistreatment or abuse by other people. I have lost count of the number of attractive women I have seen who are clearly trapped in an endless cycle of self-loathing, in some cases even self-harming in a desperate display of disgust with themselves. Slashing their bodies with razor blades, starving themselves - in some cases to death - these are the extreme symptoms. Some are so deeply attached to a negative self-image that they are unable to derive any comfort whatsoever from the esteem of others, although they may pretend to. I would say it is extremely difficult to understand the origin of these issues, even for a professional therapist. There may be issues in someone's history, perhaps where a relatively mundane neglect of some aspect of the person's development has caused damage, perhaps where some more dramatic or extreme behaviours have occurred. We are all familiar with the notion that the media are responsible for a lot of self-esteem issues, by presenting a blizzard of images which 'real' women compare themselves to unfavourably. Wherever it comes from it is toxic and corrosive to any relationship since it is fatally hard to get on well with other people if you don't like yourself very much. Easy to underestimate the scale of the task in some cases. I think there are people who would need years of patient therapy and support to overcome their self-esteem issues, and the potential Dominant is wise to tread carefully.
'But if we had to name anything which is the life of the sign, we should have to say that it was its use.' Edited 5 Sep 07, 1:41 PM by Malbon | ||
| 5 Sep 07, 1:16 PM WaterDragon UK(LN), 6 yrs |
A Dominant personality can suffer from low self esteem too, and I suspect a good proportion of D/s relationships fail on that rock too. Hugs, Irene.
Yet Dom as I am _
Still I crave the wind from your sub wings | ||
| 5 Sep 07, 1:21 PM Kinky_Embrace UK(DL), 4 yrs |
I agree, which is why my reply was addressing people and not specifically subs, as inherently we are I hope all people first and foremost.
Edited 5 Sep 07, 1:33 PM by Kinky_Embrace | ||
| 5 Sep 07, 1:23 PM x_Thunder_x UK(E), 9 yrs |
Again, unfortunately I know where you are coming from
^Thunder^ | ||
| 5 Sep 07, 1:30 PM kattie2285 5 yrs |
great post RavenMuse , i really relate to this in a few ways, not going to say why , but glad you posted it  don't leave the one you love for the one you like,has the one you like will leave you for the one they love! |
