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| Call_Me_Harmony |
on Tue 4 Sep 07, 1:34 AM to Call_Me_Harmony's blog.
Sometimes people can really surprise me by their intolerance of the way other people do BDSM.
People who take and accept brands balking at the idea of "fucking with someone's mind" or mental pain.
People who will happilly humiliate someone saying that Dominants should never cause mental pain to their submissives. Excuse me but am I on a different universe. Humiliation surely is mental pain.
But as to what started the whole discussion on mental pain. To be honest not sure how it happened, was definately a reaction to Ricks comment about the dentist. Who first used the term mental pain I'm not sure but I did say that I found some of the tasks I am set to be mentally painful.
Some people wanted to redefine my experience of pain as fear. But no, it may be fear that causes the pain but that does not make the pain any the less real. Wether felt in the stomach, the head (stress headaches anyone) or in the mind, fear induced pain is as real as physically induced pain.
Whilst I agree with what someone said that fear is an emotion and pain a feeling I would argue that at times the emotion fear causes or elicits the feeling of pain. Thank you very much but I will choose my own labels nobody else has the right to label my experience for me.
So now let's look at some of my feelings about mental pain and the tasks that elicit it.
All the tasks that elicit mental pain are ones designed to increase my confidence and help me slide past or break through self imposed barriers, limiting beliefs and behaviours. The pain comes not from the task itself but from my reaction to it.
Sometimes the task that elicits pain is actually immensely simple and in the end I enjoy it, once I am past the reaction based on my perceptions of how close it is to my barriers and how capable I actually am of succeeding at the task.
These barriers and limiting beliefs once served a purpose, the 5 year old child with her 3 year old and 7 year old sister whose bags were packed by their mother and then thrown out into the street and told never to come back (more to this story that's irrelevant here) She needed to learn to be independent and self reliant to the point that she accepted no help which could be taken away from her.
The 6 year old in surgical shoes and with the box hearing aid learned to walk with her head held high and pretend not to care as the boys ran down the street behind her taunting her with malicious words and the girls sniggered at their antics. She needed to believe that if you didn't show emotions then emotions stopped hurting you, and she needed not to let people know what hurt so they wouldn't know where to aim their malevolent barbs.
The 11 year old. who deflected the rage and scorn with a simple statement that had her mother collapsed in tears of laughter, gained a valuable tool when she learned that humour stopped any situation becoming serious, humour kept people at bay, humour stopped them seeing what she really felt.
But independence and not accepting help became not being able to accept help or ask for what she needed and wanted even when you know it would be given. And not showing emotion became not feeling emotion, and using humour to keep people at bay became not being able to tell people honestly just what she was feeling.
And adaptions and barriers that that little girl needed to cope become maladaptive for the 46 year old woman. They hold her back and stop her life being everything it could be.
I mean don't get me wrong I've done a lot of work on all of these areas and I'm not the paralysed, lonely, fearful hermit of a few years ago. But still there are areas where the echoes and some barriers still exist. And I as much as anyone else want to see them gone.
So I know, and they know that these tasks no matter how difficult they may appear to me at first in the long run they help me grow and come closer to the person I am capable of being.
And each task successfully completed, and even each "well done", or "we are proud of you" as the task progressess helps build up a little more self confidence, a little more belief that maybe somewhere deep down I can be the person they see and believe I can be.
And though my initial reaction is "I can't do that" when given a task that touches these barriers, and it is painful, it's bound to be painful, still I am grateful for these tasks. In a strange way I welcome and fear them at the same time.
And if they are all like the last one then I guess I will welcome them more because in the end the last task which I feared so much became a lot of fun and though the task is over I am continuing to do what I was asked to do, and didn't think I could do, because I am enjoying it.
And in the final analysis when I chose to submit I did not say well my body submits but my mind remains my own. A big factor in submitting to them was that they could see past the front that blindsided other people and right from the start could get their fingers inside my head and elicit responses.
So yes I welcome mental dominance, I enjoy mental dominance, it is fair to say that deep down I crave it. And the pain that goes with it at times is just part of the process. A price that I am willing to pay.
| 4 Sep 07, 1:23 PM RavenMuse 6 yrs |
When I accept a girls submission I take ALL of her, mind, body and soul.... not just her body. With control, if You catch her heart and mind, the body will follow of its own accord. | |
| 4 Sep 07, 2:12 PM Call_Me_Harmony UK(CB), 5 yrs |
Exactly, couldn't have put it better myself. Taking risks may lead to pain. Avoiding risks stifles possibilities. I am learning to be a risk-taker. | |
| 6 Sep 07, 1:51 PM mizzadamz 4 yrs |
bravo!! This is something I needed to read and hear, and know youa re doing! I adore the you that you are becoming! It's a long way from the walls I met 6 years ago |
