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| SubWhisperer |
on Mon 30 Jul 07, 5:38 PM to SubWhisperer's blog.
We struggle to define ourselves - but why ?
Given the plethora of diversity available to our imaginations, how can we be constrained by four letters - BDSM - when there are so many levels of submission, of domination, sadism, and masochism. No one persons path will directly match that of another, add a partner into the mix and the ideas and preconceptions we have of ourselves fragment even further, as we seek to discover what works for us as individuals, as couples, or as poly relationships.
Ideals are formed, discarded, and re-shaped as we play, reminding us the human mind was never designed to stay still. New discoveries explode with possibilities, each individual seeking something different from the myriad of potentials on offer, our hunger for new sensations merging with older desires as we formulate scenes in our heads - scenes that never play out according to plan as our minds find new paths to explore, our instincts taking over the moment as we follow our dreams and desires as they unfold before us.
We embrace the freedom this gives us, while struggling to describe ourselves to others, our labels like ill-fitting clothes that serve only to hide our modesty as we try not to expose too much of our inner selves to strangers.
To describe oneself as a “Top” or a “bottom” or even as “switch” is about as far as we can get in terms of accuracy. Beyond that point, I defy any of us to include all that we are comprised of or capable of within less than a thousand words - all of which may become meaningless when we meet someone who awakens us in new ways.
For many of us, this voyage of discovery of ourselves and of others is starting from scratch, we know what we “think” we are, yet why should we not reserve the right to be able to change, to develop as we embrace the freedoms we are allowed. Even those of us who are absolutely confident in their stance know that the self applied description they would give of themselves is tenuous at best.
Look at yourself five years ago - and look at yourself now. Can you honestly say you are “exactly” the same person your were then ?
Perhaps the deeper we go into our own psyche, the more stable things become, only the surface constantly rippling as life's experiences wash over us, and sometimes into us. But even the depths of our minds will accept additions, as dark secrets that have lain hidden for so long also emerge, and older desires loose some of their early attraction as the unknown becomes the known.
Meanwhile, threads declare an aversion to “blank profiles”, preferring instead to see twenty lines of text that may ultimately mean nothing. People who joined 7 days ago are greeted with suspicion, as though somehow they have to earn the right to be a person before we will allow them to have an opinion. We constantly seek the known over the unknown, yet seem to deny that even the known can change, or that we can be deceived by an apparently known quantity just as easily - and to declare that you will “absolutely not” talk to someone who doesn't have an extensive network ultimately says far more about you than it does them.
If you want to judge someone then do so on a personal level. Talk to them, get inside their head and take a good look around in there before deciding who and what they are. Accept that we should be looking at our futures, and not expecting our pasts to repeat themselves in every new individual we meet.
Realise that four simple letters do not and cannot define who we are. Labels are always going to be with us, but look beyond them to discover the deeper truth - that we are individuals. And allow for that in others, and in yourself.
There are no overriding truths when trying to describe yourself, you do not have to fall into a category, nor should you expect that of someone else. We have certain things in common perhaps, but there is no script to follow here, no rule book to challenge you, and no one has the “right” to judge you, whether they try to or not.
Embrace the word “freedom” in all its forms, and know that it is one of the most precious things to give, as well as to receive.
| 30 Jul 07, 7:31 PM Shackled5 UK, 4 yrs |
just a memo to say how good it was to read your blog, you summed up everything perfectly in my opinion. Take care and stay safe Shackled |
