Posted by Smartarse
on Sat 21 Jul 07, 12:17 AM to Smartarse's blog.
Not the best of days today, so as a kind of compensation I stopped at Tesco on the way home and bought myself some little treats.
A packet of value tortilla Chips - 18p. A large bottle of Dandelion and Burdock - 37p. Slight nausea from over indulgence - priceless.
Why Dandelion and Burdock, you must be asking yourself? No, surely you are? I had considered getting a bottle of Pepsi Max. I don't really buy soft drinks. But for some reason I was craving something sweet and fizzy and Pepsi Max is my poison of choice. But it's a long time since I bought any and I was appalled to find it cost 1.38 especially as Tescos D&B was so cheap. I mean, c'mon now, it's only sugar and flavourings in fizzy water ffs. How can Pepsi Max be a pound more expensive than D&B? For 37p I can't really go wrong. It's only sugary water that's been fizzed up, I reasoned.
As I handed over my clubcard I noticed that I'd earned 1 point. One point, I said to the check out girl, that won't get me very far. Every little helps, she said with heavy irony - both waving the flag for Tescos and blowing them out of the water in one breath. I feel she is wasting her talents on the Tesco checkout. A career in politics surely beckons for one so cynical.
Having arrived home I decanted the tortilla chips into a bowl and opened the D&B. My nose was immediately assaulted by a rich aroma, as was my hand, my shirt and kitchen wall and countertop. I guess the bottle got a bit shaken on the way home. Unstirred I poured myself out a glass. The scent of the Dandelion and Burdock took me right back to my youth - specifically a time when I did up an old car. It smelled just like the cellulose thinner I used to thin down the paint I resprayed it with.
Interesting, I said, sipping experimentally. The rich dark liquid, as black/brown as any cola, skipped playfully over my tongue. How can I describe the taste - something akin to the afore mentioned cellulose paint thinner or acetone or nail varnish remover - cut with black treacle. I drank half a glass and then got a bit silly. I poured some on a sponge and tried scrubbing the kettle with it. Amazingly, the greasy film that usually resides on the kettle started to dissolve. Being a true scientist I found another sponge and ran it under the tap and scrubbed the other side as a control. Plain water was much less effective at degreasing the kettle. I therefore conclude that the rest of the bottle would be better utilised as a cleaning fluid rather than refreshment.
Dandelion and Burdock is clearly the British equivalent of American Colas. I'm sure if it hadn't got a bit of a silly name it could easily outpace sales of Coke and Pepsi. Silly name - marketing wise, that is. Cola Cola and Pepsi are about as daft names as you could come up with. But who in their right mind gives away the secret ingredients of their concoction? It would have been much better to come up with a brand that concealed its humble origins. Perhaps it should have been called Dandy Cola or Burdelion Max. Still, Dandelion and Burdock is a slightly better choice than Paint thinner and Treacle.
| 21 Jul 07, 12:22 AM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs  |
ewwwwwwwww how can you drink that rubbish and look at all those e numbers esp in the chips
tsks toodles off to read harry potter www.mai-inspirations.co.uk
for all your aromatherapy and skin care products
new website is up. | ||
| 21 Jul 07, 12:54 AM lycrafox UK(B), 8 yrs |
Dandelion and Burdock is just yummy!  Wish it was available more often. | ||
| 21 Jul 07, 9:45 AM Sweetiejar UK(S), 11 yrs |
You can get D&B squash too......scrummy hot. Sweetiejar | ||
| 21 Jul 07, 9:51 AM star_DT UK, 6 yrs |
D&B is fabby. Reminds me of my holidays in St Annes as a kid. Waaaaaay back then you couldnt get it up here. | ||
| 21 Jul 07, 7:02 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
I saw a kids science programme on the telly the other day. They used salty water and white vinegar. It cleaned the penny in 30 seconds. Romanorum lingua invado vestri tergum aditus | ||
| 21 Jul 07, 10:58 PM mini_velvet UK(EH), 6 yrs |
irn bru honey, nectar of the gods! And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. | ||
| 22 Jul 07, 12:55 AM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
Rusty ditchwater. Romanorum lingua invado vestri tergum aditus | ||
| 23 Jul 07, 12:20 PM lycrafox UK(B), 8 yrs |
Isn't that made in Scotland, from Girders? | ||
| 23 Jul 07, 6:07 PM Scottisharchie UK(EH), 6 yrs |
ohhh yes 
A woman's submission is a gift to be cherished |
