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Posted by lili
on Fri 5 Jan 01, 10:00 PM to lili's blog.
Today I unsubscribed from most of the mailing lists I used to read and sometimes participate in. I finally came to the conclusion that they are, basically, unproductive and extremely unhelpful. I always joined in the hope of finding people and discussing in a productive way how things can and sometimes actually are for people interested or actually living this kind of relationship.
I found very little of that. What I did find, however, was a hard core of people who use mailing lists as some kind of competition. They aren't interested in discussion or growth they are interested in only one thing, they seek approval.
I am not sure why they need it, or even why they choose mailing lists as a place to seek it, but they are easy to spot. They post profusely and they are sweetness itself to everyone who they can impress with their spiel, only their spiel is more often than not picked up from a variety of sources [usually a combination of statements they have seen posted to other lists] and you can rest assured they are members of a vast amount of lists.
They are easy to spot because as soon as you question them about anything they state as fact they become extremely defensive, or worse, aggressive [but rest assured you will never get an answer to your question.] These people know exactly how to play an audience, they make themselves popular because they avoid the real issues and stick to the "you are whatever you say you are" what you tend not to notice at first is the "but it's not as good as me" that follows it soon after.
I know I do not handle this well, the open and obvious lack of compassion and understanding of people makes me feel hurt and angry. They use the weaknesses of others to prove their "subbier than thou" attitudes without a second thought for anybodies story. Can anyone know the story of another so well through a mailing list?
There are less than 5 mailing lists I have found that have any consistant and useful posts, and I do know, myself, how difficult it can be to balance the usefulness of a mailing list with the welcoming attitude that will encourage people to talk openly and honestly [warts and all] without someone being tempted to use it as an opportunity to show how much more worthy and real they actually are. How many times have I heard "that may be Ok for you....?" as an opening line to such posts.
Well, I live a real relationship, warts and all. I have times when I struggle with things and I have times when I cry because I feel hurt or scared, and, yes, sometimes I do feel angry. There are also times when I am so happy I have to pinch myself. I wake up in the morning thanking my lucky stars that I am me more mornings than I do not.
Tanos questioned the worth of mailing lists v websites a long time back, I wish now I had taken that to heart, I could have avoided being reminded of how uncompassionate and self motivated some people can really be.
The world out there can be a wicked place, I would much prefer to live in a safe society, and guess what? I do, I live in a society of 2.
Edited Sat 6 Jan 01, 1:14 PM by lili
