My mate is hooked up with a guy..he seems a nice guy too...but he has a history of drunken violence ( towards his partners)
He hasnt been like this with her as yet.... but shes worried that as their relationship goes on that he might be.
Do you think he could have really changed...or do leopards really never change their spots?
11 Jul 07, 10:49 AM
Mel_SnM
UK(BA), 7 yrs |
yes they do..
but if shes worried now - wont work anyway I wouldnt imagine.
who told her about his past - someone else or did he admit it. What has he done to help himself about it?
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11 Jul 07, 10:51 AM
katie_may
UK, 7 yrs
 |
mazzie_RB wrote:
My mate is hooked up with a guy..he seems a nice guy too...but he has a history of drunken violence ( towards his partners)
He hasnt been like this with her as yet.... but shes worried that as their relationship goes on that he might be.
Do you think he could have really changed...or do leopards really never change their spots?
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there is no reason why people can not change
but not overnight
not like that
and not on their own
and not that quickly
if someone has a history, there is a chance of it being different in the future
but it wont change just because they say and act like it has
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11 Jul 07, 10:52 AM
mazzie_RB
UK, 7 yrs |
Mel_SnM wrote:
yes they do..
but if shes worried now - wont work anyway I wouldnt imagine.
who told her about his past - someone else or did he admit it. What has he done to help himself about it?
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Well, quite a few people knew...so he did admit it eventually...he hasnt has any help, coz he says it was nothing really.
http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/
The more you lie, the smaller you become. The more you shout, the fewer will listen. Dont borrow an ear to lie in! The truth will always out!
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11 Jul 07, 10:54 AM
Insistor
UK(PL), 7 yrs |
mazzie_RB wrote:
My mate is hooked up with a guy..he seems a nice guy too...but he has a history of drunken violence ( towards his partners)
He hasnt been like this with her as yet.... but shes worried that as their relationship goes on that he might be.
Do you think he could have really changed...or do leopards really never change their spots?
|
No. She should dump him. BDSM: Boring, Dumb, Sad, Motherfuckers.
"There ain't no Sanity Clause", the Marx Bros.
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11 Jul 07, 10:54 AM
NilSatisNisiOptimum
UK, 6 yrs
|
Men can change,but this is dependant upon previous circumstances and how much desire he has to change himself.Theyneed to discuss his past,if they havent done so already,get his take on things and what precipitating factors there might be.From now knowing his past prehaps she would be best to lay down her ideas of how things will develop if he even makes any sort of threat against her.She must think of her own safety and will need lots of comforting and reassuarnce from him that he has changed for the better. |
11 Jul 07, 10:56 AM
mazzie_RB
UK, 7 yrs |
New_Insistor wrote:
mazzie_RB wrote:
My mate is hooked up with a guy..he seems a nice guy too...but he has a history of drunken violence ( towards his partners)
He hasnt been like this with her as yet.... but shes worried that as their relationship goes on that he might be.
Do you think he could have really changed...or do leopards really never change their spots?
|
No. She should dump him.
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lol, say it how it is mate.
http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/
The more you lie, the smaller you become. The more you shout, the fewer will listen. Dont borrow an ear to lie in! The truth will always out!
|
11 Jul 07, 10:58 AM
Insistor
UK(PL), 7 yrs |
mazzie_RB wrote:
New_Insistor wrote:
mazzie_RB wrote:
My mate is hooked up with a guy..he seems a nice guy too...but he has a history of drunken violence ( towards his partners)
He hasnt been like this with her as yet.... but shes worried that as their relationship goes on that he might be.
Do you think he could have really changed...or do leopards really never change their spots?
|
No. She should dump him.
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lol, say it how it is mate.
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Listen. The guy is a drunk and violent. What is she waiting for - for him to get bird flu? BDSM: Boring, Dumb, Sad, Motherfuckers.
"There ain't no Sanity Clause", the Marx Bros.
|
11 Jul 07, 10:59 AM
mazzie_RB
UK, 7 yrs |
SirWebb wrote:
Men can change,but this is dependant upon previous circumstances and how much desire he has to change himself.Theyneed to discuss his past,if they havent done so already,get his take on things and what precipitating factors there might be.From now knowing his past prehaps she would be best to lay down her ideas of how things will develop if he even makes any sort of threat against her.She must think of her own safety and will need lots of comforting and reassuarnce from him that he has changed for the better.
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Good points Andy, but he dismisses it all now as being in the past which isnt helpful.... i think she wants to know that it wont happen again...the worry IS that he dismisses it so easy.
http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/
The more you lie, the smaller you become. The more you shout, the fewer will listen. Dont borrow an ear to lie in! The truth will always out!
|
11 Jul 07, 11:02 AM
mazzie_RB
UK, 7 yrs |
New_Insistor wrote:
mazzie_RB wrote:
New_Insistor wrote:
mazzie_RB wrote:
My mate is hooked up with a guy..he seems a nice guy too...but he has a history of drunken violence ( towards his partners)
He hasnt been like this with her as yet.... but shes worried that as their relationship goes on that he might be.
Do you think he could have really changed...or do leopards really never change their spots?
|
No. She should dump him.
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lol, say it how it is mate.
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Listen. The guy is a drunk and violent. What is she waiting for - for him to get bird flu?
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lol, i know what your saying.... but although he's certainly not the most popular guy in town, he has been good to her! Maybe people can change...or can be changed??
http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/
The more you lie, the smaller you become. The more you shout, the fewer will listen. Dont borrow an ear to lie in! The truth will always out!
|
11 Jul 07, 11:17 AM
Opal_x
UK(NG), 6 yrs
 |
SirWebb wrote:
Men can change,but this is dependant upon previous circumstances and how much desire he has to change himself.Theyneed to discuss his past,if they havent done so already,get his take on things and what precipitating factors there might be.From now knowing his past prehaps she would be best to lay down her ideas of how things will develop if he even makes any sort of threat against her.She must think of her own safety and will need lots of comforting and reassuarnce from him that he has changed for the better.
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^^ Exactly.
It is worrying that he feels these past events had no significance... It *is* possible to change, but only if there is willing (rather than forced) acknowledgement that change is needed, and that the person concerned is willing to do the necessary work to bring the change into effect.
I notice that you make a link between alcohol and this behaviour.... if, for him, drinking leads to violence at times, then sobriety (whether that means moderation or abstinence) is something that he should seriously consider- there are many support groups etc. that would help him confront this....
What age is your friend? You know, she could waste a lot of time on this guy and- worse- place herself at risk. I personally think that she should walk away,with the proviso that *if* he actively acknowledges the problem and takes steps to change, they could maybe, in the future, start again.
She is lucky to have a caring friend like you who wants the best for her. Best of luck to you both.
O x |
