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Posted by lili
on Sat 9 Dec 00, 6:43 PM to lili's blog.
Tanos is away.
He left early this morning. When I heard the door close tears were in my eyes. I am not afraid of being alone. I feel quite proud that he has chosen to leave me "in charge" if you will. I don't feel sad or upset. I don't feel like crying. The tears in my eyes?..I don't know why they were there other than I felt such a rising pressure in me that it spilled out of my eyes in the form of tears.
I have never loved anyone the way I love Tanos. It is indescribable, unfathomable. It used to scare me, or rather it used to make me afraid because I knew how enormous the potential for hurt was [still is.] It doesn't seem to matter anymore though, nothing does. I used to worry that I didn't want my freedom. I used to worry I'd end up being hurt. I don't worry about those things anymore, it seems like such a waste of emotion.
I love him, like I have never loved another, like I will never love another [I feel sure.] That seems to be enough now. Is that "letting go?"
[Thank heavens he's back at the end of the week!]
Edited Wed 21 Feb 01, 9:29 AM by lili
