Alien Larkins (1)

attica's profile

Posted by attica on Mon 28 May 07, 11:49 PM

My father has been ill, so I went to stay - more or less scheduled, anyway. He'll be ok.

What shocked me wasn't so much my father's weakness, but my mother's vitriol. I really should be passed being shocked by that by now. The utter hate that she turns on the ones closest to her when she's tired or stressed. I don't mean just an occasional snipe, I mean heads down, no nonsense mindless venom. My mother is Alien.

In everything she has to be the centre. My father's ill, but she's the one who isn't being thanked, and on a grander scale is the brave, independent one who will find herself at last when he dies and be free from him.

My sister in law is ill: no thoughts of s-i-law, just sentimental gran, grabbling the kids to her like unwilling pups and saying "I'll be here when your mother dies". Oh, pity them.

And then ... when she gets tired and stressed she picks on an "easy" target. Except I'm not. Why aren't I married? Well, I don't want to be, but can't tell her that He already is ... I must be hopeless to have taken a drop in salary (actually I'm happy if poor). and on and on and on and on., and my hair needs cutting blah blah blah

Tonight was really a classic. Before leaving I'd double bagged my rubbish (I smoke and they're not keen). But apparently, oh la la, the bag had broken open ... as if .. and she'd "found" the foil from a bottle. So now as well as being a whore because I've used the net, a druggie because I live where I do, I am now also an alcoholic. Acid comments about how I'll lose my job (no) and "your mortgage, if you even have one".

It leaves a bitter taste. Sure, I drink. But unlike her, I stay in control. I went there to be for my father - and to help her out - but just get a load of flipping hatred from her spat in my face.

I dunno, I just try to be my best, for them, for my man. I thought I'd got over it, or thought she had, but every move I make she has to try to turn into nothing. The more I do for Dad the worse I am.

I won't let that stop me. She can fuck off to fucking Yorkshire and the sooner the better: she's made it clear enough she doesn't want to know us.

And my father was terribly sad when I went yesterday, but he will be fine.

I know she's dotty. Just ... she might, occasionally think of other people.

It's like a minor version of a Greek tragedy, but there's never any telling which way her mind will blow.

Well, I know my own mind. I know what I am.

I thank God I am not my mother's daughter.

Replies

29 May 07, 12:36 AM
Iona_O
UK(SS), 2 yrs

Would a great big cyber hug help? I know what it's like to never be able to please or do enough. I'm glad you're staying strong - it isn't easy
I aim to please - and I'm pleased with my aim
A sub's trust is a valuable thing
Happiness is... hearing from someone special


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