This post is on the BDSM Businesses web board (moved from Other BDSM).
| Fri 18 May 07, 1:23 PM MsDarklove_Hurts UK(WF), 7 yrs £   |
I decided to write this blog after having had a convo with a lady who was a visitor at the BDSM club that I frequent. She asked me about my fees, etc and after listening, she exclaimed in all seriousness, 'Oh! I think Il do that. Where can I buy a crop?' I was so shocked that I now want to ask...Is anyone else becoming concerned about the number of unexperienced and potentially dangerous 'Dommes' who are now jumping on the bandwagon of what they see as easy cash? Before anyone decides that they are offended, let me assure them that Im quite aware that the majority of dommes, especially on IC are genuine and safe. However, Im getting a little sick of subs messaging me and asking if I do 'anything else apart from caning, because Mistress X only did that'. So many get to visit so called dommmes who are in fact prostitutes, idiots, or both and then come away disallusioned, put off BDSM for life and wondering how their fantasies could have been so far off the actual reality. Id just like to say to those who are considering parting with their hard earned cash by going to a pro domme....CHECK first.. ask questions, get CHECKABLE references and choose referencees who are as far away from the domme as possible..not someone who's a street away and goes down the pub with her. Speak with her on the phone before meeting..does she sound 1/ sensible, 2/ as if shes a clue what shes talking about, 3/ overly keen and persuasive? Most experienced dommes tend to be a teeny bit wary and even suspicious of potential clients. They are as keen to check the client out as the client should be to check the domme out and are willing to lose a client rather than put themselves at risk. Also, they will definately not object to being asked questions (within reason, not endless emails etc), or providing references. So, to conclude....Do take care when choosing a pro domme. Dont end up coming away from the session a great deal of cash worse off and thinking that bending over something and being whacked with a cane is what its all about..it ISNT. Many thanks for reading and stay safe always, Emma.
DarkLoveHurts | |
| 18 May 07, 2:32 PM x_zero_x UK(DD), 10 yrs |
in a related note i notice there's a lot of people see financial domination as a way to make a quick buck (well, i guess it kinda is anyway) but you just need to look at collarme.com at all the fakes there to see for yourself what i mean. Sign here and make the world a better place, even if it is only for 45 days! | |
| 18 May 07, 2:48 PM Iona_O UK, 5 yrs |
Emma I agree with all you've said. I like to take time to get to know anyone I Domme so that I can tailor the session to their needs and fantasies as much as possible I aim to please - and I'm pleased with my aim | |
| 18 May 07, 2:54 PM BadWulf UK(TA), 6 yrs |
Got to say that many (actually most) of the Dommes i have met at events over more than a few years freely admit that they are subbies/vanillas/fetishists making a fast buck but surely it has ever been thus. Dos this inherently imply that they are any less skilled in the physical side/safety I wonder? what is a "REAL" Domme/Dom when money is involved? I ask that not facetiously, but because I was told many items I should turn pro, but the point was always, this side of me is me, it isn't something I could sell, if I did it it would be role-play because i wouldn't know or understand the client care about them and be in their head also they would be in control. And my Dom side is not role-play it is my essence. How can you have a realistic D/s relationship if money is involved. I will explicitly say that this is a genuine question that I wish to understand the answer to and not a wind up. No offence is intended. All your advice sounds very reasonable btw. John *edited for clarity Edited 18 May 07, 3:26 PM by BadWulf | |
| 18 May 07, 3:08 PM Elucie FR, 7 yrs |
Good questions! I personally won't attempt to answer them though...
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| 18 May 07, 3:24 PM djin_bleu UK(NW), 5 yrs  |
With the 'fake-domme' comes the 'timewaster' a match made in heaven.  She who rides the Demon is afraid to dismount. | |
| 18 May 07, 3:26 PM Jahc99 UK, 5 yrs |
I've also been asked, several times to join the Chambers as the token male. So I've explored this a bit. The first thing to say is that the market for (hetero) male pro doms is tiny compared to that for pro dommes. So I haven't really bothered with it. This says something about gender relations, but I am not sure what and that is something for another thread anyway. The second is that I know you know of at least one very dominant woman who is totally the real deal, and who genuinely enjoys her work! If you happen to be a sadist, and good at it, then there can be pleasure in dishing out a good whacking whether you are paid for it or not. Some more than others, of course. The third, well, call it role play, 'service topping' or what you will. Therapy, maybe. But in session, the dynamic can be there, tangible, real enough to taste. Yes the client will usually specify at least some elements of what takes place, but that doesn't mean they are in control on a minute to minute basis. And there lies the art. I am pretty crap at getting that going unless the subject matter turns me on, and if it does then hell, I'd do 'em for free, so for me it's all a bit of an oximoron. But I do admire those that can achieve that, it is somewhere between an art and a skill, something that has to be worked on, practiced and honed. And if you have put in that work, there is the satisfaction of using your art, a job well done. There's the pleasure of seeing that slightly sheepish grin of a subbie all aglow. That and getting yer wallet filled in a world dedicated to hoovering it! The fourth thing is a pre-emptive flame. The first person to start the usual shite most threads on professional domination get dragged into is a twat. Just thought I'd get that in first! why poison your liver when I could eat it for you? | |
| 18 May 07, 3:33 PM BadWulf UK(TA), 6 yrs |
Aye I wasn't denying they exist, she is indeed the real deal Maybe my bemusement is more about if the newbies can dish out a good whacking safely and the client enjoyed it what makes them inherently inferior? caveat empore certainly.
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| 18 May 07, 3:46 PM MistressGI UK(BH), 6 yrs £ |
Yes it worries Me more than a little.
I dont profess to be perfect but do have a few years under My belt and am empatic to My clients needs,be they new or one of My many regular clients.
But at Swamp I have seen and spoken to many that I consider to be dangerous ,both in lifestyle and wanna be Dom/mes.Just watching them play makes Me cringe as they havn't a clue.They also seem to know everything and are not willing to listen to others.I am a sponge when others can teach Me new things,I just cant get enough.
I am in the process of training a Domme who has found that lifestyle and Professional style are 2 different things,but is adapting very well. Lifes a Bitch....Isn't it fun | |
| 18 May 07, 4:18 PM XyIabion UK, 8 yrs |
First of all, who's to assume that a ProDomme would actually WANT a "realistic D/s relationship" involving money? Many ProDommes are already in personal D/s or M/s relationships with their own long-term submissives/slaves, quite aside from the money side of things which is simply their chosen profession, be it part-time or full-time. One personal aspect of their lives, and another commercial one, just as we all have. Equally so, there are lifestyle submissives out there with switching capabilities and with their own relationship Dominants who actually make excellent ProDommes and do very well by it as a 'side line'. It's natural to them and not 'roleplay'. I personally know at least two. Good reputable ProDommes provide an invaluable service to those who are either unsuccessful in their personal search for a relationship Dominant, or to those that need to trust the reputable experience of a ProDomme rather than taking a HUGE risk trusting themselves to the many pretenders and predators online, or to those who simply NEED to pay, as part of their kink. Also, just because a ProDomme charges for her 'services' in one way or another, doesn't mean to say that she's going to be a hard cold-minded ruthless capitalist with little or no concern for the submissives who are mostly honoured - and in most cases carefully chosen - to apply for her attention. Many a reputable ProDomme will see the safe welfare of their clients as absolutely paramount. After all, a ProDomme placing her client in danger or otherwise ripping them off in one way or another will create nothing but bad word of mouth advertising for herself. What's the point of that when a business or in fact her own reputation is at stake? Dependent on the mindset of those involved, she's either Dominating or 'Topping'. Either way, the fact that she has the natural ability and opportunity to do so with clients who return to her time and again, probably goes some considerable way into proving by its' very nature that she's probably VERY good at what she does, enjoys it as part of her own kink, and has probably re-invested massively in her own business in terms of time, energy and money, MAKING it reputable. All this said, however, the warnings by the OP are EXTREMELY valuable and there are a LOT of complete and dangerous idiots out there, including the many, many opportunists who will advertise themselves as a ProDomme, only to then spend time nurturing unsuspecting victims, ripping them off and then conveniently vanishing into the ether of the Internet. There's a huge difference between financial Domination - and you might say literally speaking that all ProDomming is exactly that - and theft! Nothing is as down or as up, as us. | |
| 18 May 07, 5:12 PM MistressGI UK(BH), 6 yrs £ |
Lifes a Bitch....Isn't it fun |
