Is BDSM Unhealthy? And Surrendered Wives is it? (18)

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Replies

9 May 07, 11:11 AM
verte
UK(E), 5 yrs

Jonssub wrote:
For him without asking I am the obedient wife, I do all the housey stuff and I love to do it for him (with the possible exception of ironing). But what he gives me in return is magic. He knows when I am down he looks after me in so many ways, and it very much is a two way benefit.
I can't see it ever happening but in the same way they now teach kids about homosexuality in school it would be good if they D/s BDSM could be covered. I have pondered ( yeah I know I should be ironing instead) how much easier my life would of been if I had known I wasn't the only person on the planet with these strange fantasies, in fact it is fairly common.

Okay, I'm find this confusing and I'm curious. Do you mean that you do the chores and in return you get love? If you didn't get those things in return without doing all household chores, would that be a good reason to do them? To get the love and attention you need?
http://burnthewitches.blogspot.com/

9 May 07, 1:52 PM
The_AntiSub
4 yrs
Backdooruk wrote:

demii wrote:
I believe there are a hell of alot of damaged people on the scene, lonely people looking for a fix, subs who want a hero, or a knight in shining latex to save them. All those with the little angel pics and the protect me avatars!
But the thing is it isn't really any different off of the scene. There are just as many damaged people in vanilla land - and even the same avatars!
People are people. I've seen no evidence that they are any different off scene as they are on it.
- Chris

naturally Chris, but Alex was referring to the idea that BDSM in itself is something that damaged people turn to to compensate their ills. In her case she says that idea makes her angry, I think there is a grain of truth in it.
This message was brought to you by The bullshit Police.

9 May 07, 5:33 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs

buttockup wrote:
I also saw this programme and it brought back many unhappy memories for me as one who lived through such a marriage for 36 years.
I think what unsettled me the most about it was that it reminded me not of my Ds relationship but of an abusive relationship I was once in. Where I learned to suppress my thoughts, feelings and sexual needs to please my partner and behave in a way that meant he wouldn't be antagonised by me. Typical domestic abuse situation.
The sad thing about it was the people seemed almost to grasp how fabulous a relationhip you can have when roles are formally defined but they just didn't really get it. There was no balance from what I could see.

Be careful what you wish for

9 May 07, 5:40 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs

demii wrote:
naturally Chris, but Alex was referring to the idea that BDSM in itself is something that damaged people turn to to compensate their ills. In her case she says that idea makes her angry, I think there is a grain of truth in it.
Absolutely, on both counts actually. For me I am sure it's a happy and healthy natural way for me to be and am "at one" with my sexuality. It's all very positive and thrilling. Submission to a special man has given me so much and helped me develop as a person in all sorts of ways. It's been a delight to embrace my true sexuality.
However I also agree as a "fringe" sexuality it invites attention from all kinds of people on the edges of "normal" society, as well as those who seek SM and power exchange for unhealthy reasons.

Be careful what you wish for

9 May 07, 5:45 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs

verte wrote:
I agree - I couldn't see what the women were getting out of it. And then I started wondering... I suppose a lot of what I saw seemed like 'mothering', in a way. Mothering with NO decisions. Their reward, as far as I could tell, was to make sure their husbands couldn't do anything for themselves, and then they wouldn't leave. In theory, anyhow. Sexually aggressive women probably find it quite easy to tempt that kind of married man...
I thought too that some of them seemed dominant in their surrendering, a bit like the female lead in The Secretary. They were just controlling their relationships in another way, rather than surrendering control. And a couple of the men seemed like blokes no one in their right mind should ever give control to.
Nowt wrong with being sexually aggressive and submissive I always say.....

Be careful what you wish for

9 May 07, 6:13 PM
DreamDragon
UK, 3 yrs One only needs to look at the recent issues surrounding the "extreme pornography" law to see how a few loud voices and a lot of missconseptions can result in a great deal of dammage.
I've had similar discussions with Psychological Professionals. It's a tricky balance for them, and I think BDSM is still listed as a "Mental Illness".
I've seen BDSM relationships that are very well balanced and delightfully healthy, even romantic, and I've seen so called Vanilla relationships that have a very similar dynammic, though neither party were really interested in BDSM as it's usually shown.
I've also seen the results of abuse and unpleasantness. It seems to be a common thread amongst female submissives that their "submission" often gets misinterpreted by some previous partner who did not understand this. The results are often abuse and violence instead of love and joy.
So my answer to the question is that, like many things, the act itself is not the problem. The lack of edducation and accurate information is at fault. As BDSM practitioners we are currently at a state similar to the way Homosexuality was viewed in the 19th century. There's a long way to go before it is generally accepted, I just hope I live long enough to see it.

10 May 07, 7:35 AM
verte
UK(E), 5 yrs

alexandraa wrote:

verte wrote:
I agree - I couldn't see what the women were getting out of it. And then I started wondering... I suppose a lot of what I saw seemed like 'mothering', in a way. Mothering with NO decisions. Their reward, as far as I could tell, was to make sure their husbands couldn't do anything for themselves, and then they wouldn't leave. In theory, anyhow. Sexually aggressive women probably find it quite easy to tempt that kind of married man...
I thought too that some of them seemed dominant in their surrendering, a bit like the female lead in The Secretary. They were just controlling their relationships in another way, rather than surrendering control. And a couple of the men seemed like blokes no one in their right mind should ever give control to.
Nowt wrong with being sexually aggressive and submissive I always say.....

Totally. And they weren't even submissive to their partner, but to the idea of A Husband in general. I hope it was just a really bad documentary!
And sub and sexually aggressive is a good combo, I agree.

http://burnthewitches.blogspot.com/

10 May 07, 8:28 AM
colbeh
UK, 4 yrs

demii wrote:
Alot of doms with self esteem issues wanting to control others because they have no other control or respect in the rest of their lives.
I think that there is a grain of truth in that statement as well but in my experience the majority of submissives can reasonably quickly establish whether a Dom has natural confidence and self assurance or whether the "control" they seek is nothing other than self aggrandisement. Most people have some self esteem issues and Doms are no different. We like to feel cherished and yes flattered but that doesn't mean that that's because we dont have respect in the rest of our lives.


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