Is BDSM Unhealthy? And Surrendered Wives is it? (18)

Okay, I'm find this confusing and I'm curious. Do you mean that you do the chores and in return you get love? If you didn't get those things in return without doing all household chores, would that be a good reason to do them? To get the love and attention you need?

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naturally Chris, but Alex was referring to the idea that BDSM in itself is something that damaged people turn to to compensate their ills. In her case she says that idea makes her angry, I think there is a grain of truth in it.

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I think what unsettled me the most about it was that it reminded me not of my Ds relationship but of an abusive relationship I was once in. Where I learned to suppress my thoughts, feelings and sexual needs to please my partner and behave in a way that meant he wouldn't be antagonised by me. Typical domestic abuse situation.

The sad thing about it was the people seemed almost to grasp how fabulous a relationhip you can have when roles are formally defined but they just didn't really get it. There was no balance from what I could see.

Be careful what you wish for

Absolutely, on both counts actually. For me I am sure it's a happy and healthy natural way for me to be and am "at one" with my sexuality. It's all very positive and thrilling. Submission to a special man has given me so much and helped me develop as a person in all sorts of ways. It's been a delight to embrace my true sexuality.

However I also agree as a "fringe" sexuality it invites attention from all kinds of people on the edges of "normal" society, as well as those who seek SM and power exchange for unhealthy reasons.

Be careful what you wish for

I thought too that some of them seemed dominant in their surrendering, a bit like the female lead in The Secretary. They were just controlling their relationships in another way, rather than surrendering control. And a couple of the men seemed like blokes no one in their right mind should ever give control to.

Nowt wrong with being sexually aggressive and submissive I always say.....

Be careful what you wish for

I've had similar discussions with Psychological Professionals. It's a tricky balance for them, and I think BDSM is still listed as a "Mental Illness".

I've seen BDSM relationships that are very well balanced and delightfully healthy, even romantic, and I've seen so called Vanilla relationships that have a very similar dynammic, though neither party were really interested in BDSM as it's usually shown.

I've also seen the results of abuse and unpleasantness. It seems to be a common thread amongst female submissives that their "submission" often gets misinterpreted by some previous partner who did not understand this. The results are often abuse and violence instead of love and joy.

So my answer to the question is that, like many things, the act itself is not the problem. The lack of edducation and accurate information is at fault. As BDSM practitioners we are currently at a state similar to the way Homosexuality was viewed in the 19th century. There's a long way to go before it is generally accepted, I just hope I live long enough to see it.

Totally. And they weren't even submissive to their partner, but to the idea of A Husband in general. I hope it was just a really bad documentary!

And sub and sexually aggressive is a good combo, I agree.

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