I don't do gardening!!! (8)

waggle's profile

waggle
Posted by waggle on Sun 6 May 07, 11:11 AM

Ok sometimes being an only child is not all getting what you want!!And being a good son is hell.

I've never particularly greenfingered and do not take much joy from pottering about in the garden ,just not the way i'm wired.

So mowing the lawn yesterday was a chore from hell especially since it was the first cut(yeah yeah i know it should have been done agers ago).Looking out onto the front lawn was like gazing into the jungle.I'm sure there were mutters from our neighbours about the state of the grass and how it was making the estate look bad(apparently it's relatively well to do be around this part of the black country....yeah i was surprised as well).So thought it was best i did something about it.

Not before i did the car boot in the morning,make a little money for myself i thought.So packed the car the night before got up at 6 o stupid clock on a saturday !!!.Tootled down to the big field with all the other car booters.Started to set up and there they were the traders,nosing at what you've got peering over your shoulder as you try to unpack the badly packed boot!!

"Give you a fiver for the box of books!....How much do you want for the tv....does that mobile phone work.....etc " After shooing them away i finally set up fricking books enough to set up my own library,the tv mobile and video's. Very slow to start a few people interested in the phone but offering silly prices.

Best part of the morning was when a young girl spotted the phone asked how much and dashed off to her parents ,then a group ( i say group there were 3) enquired about the phone asked to look at it and trying to haggle me down to a stupid price,when the young girl appeared with the money for the original price,with a big shit eating grin took the phone from these people and exchanged goods with the girl.This was made even sweeter when she ran over to her parents on a stall a row across,they checked out the phone and placed it on there stall!To which it sat there all morning till they packed away unsold. Nearly told some pikey!!Yes i said pikey to f**k off when he enquired about the tv ,i told him the price he imediatley offered half,i decided to meet half way and he stuck to his guns,Twice i repeated my price then he claimed poverty!!Much later i saw him driving off behind a dirty battered old van and him in his nearly new bmw!!!

So didn't make a bundle but i made enough to keep me relatively happy.Trundled home(with the tv ok ok i should have sold it to the damn pikey!)To stare into the abyss called the front lawn.Buy i had two new weapons in my arsenal a brand new mower and strimmer!!Ha stupidly thought i,i will wiz through this..........wrong! First i thought i'd strim the worst of the grass all was going ok when i thought i'd need to lengthen the strimmer wires ,so up ended the strimmer ajusted the wires then placed it back or so i thought!!!!Switched the strimmer back on to which the cover piece for the strimmer wire flew off and the strimmer made a whining sound.Oh boy really should have made sure as when i looked again allllll the strimmer wire had unfurled and tangled up.So sat down in a huff and painfully slowly rewound the wire and carefully replaced the damn thing!!Sorted and finished off strimming.Ok mowing next eaaasssssy...............yeah right!!

Ok i see my first mistake was removing the new mower from it's box to put together,glancing at the shiney packet with the instructions then doing the typical blokey thing and not looking at them!!I mean really it's not rocket science....might as well be though.....after about 15 minutes of struggling i gave in and looked at the instructions.painfully slowly i put the damn thing together!! Sorted the lawn will take seconds...............D'oh!!!

So instead of checking the blade height i started straight away mowering the lawn after struggling up the garden hearing the mower heaving and straining ,i thought well ti was the first strip it will be fine now when i go back down...oh best empty the already full grass box from one strip.....Struggled back down the lawn...emptied the grass box again...then struggled back up....Stopped looked at the instruction yet again (it's the bloke in me!!!!)Ohhh might be easier if i adjusted the wheels so the blades are on the highest setting!!!Again D'oh!

Wow the difference not too much struggling just loads of sweating and mutter as by now this is about two hours on from when i started the garden!!!!And why is it that the damn grass collector doesn't collect all the grass!!!!!!!whats the fricking point,if i have to still rack up a bit. They should have a hoover attachment on the damn mowers to suck up the stuff that doesn't get collected in the grass collector. So i don't do gardening!!!!!!!!!!!!

Replies

6 May 07, 11:15 AM
Lucifer_Morningstar
UK(GL), 3 yrs
hehe, remind me to lend you some hair clippers if you dont read the instructions. Tho a bit pointless as your hair is as long and shiny as mine!!
just concrete the grass that'll teach it to grow, or get one of the Dom/Domme gardeners in to beat the garden into submission!
ttfn Lucifer
Don't knock it till you've tried it!

6 May 07, 11:24 AM
columbia_x
UK, 22 mths
lol waggle not a good weekend then--you and Minty neither likes gardening--he broke the strimmer and lawn mower in our garden yesterday rofl at both of you xxx
hand in hand--we meet life's changes.
side by side--we share our dreams.
together--we're building a wonderful life.

6 May 07, 11:24 AM
starry_x
UK, 3 yrs Laughs so much ~ that'll teach you to read the instructions in future wont it? (No, it probably wont).
starry xx
Fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free.

6 May 07, 11:43 AM
scarlett101
UK, 4 yrs
my garden needs doing..fancy giving me a hand??
Only kidding!
princess XXXX
**NEWLY UPDATED!**The 'Traditional Bridal' side of www.adixxtion-designs.co.uk.

6 May 07, 11:58 AM
MsRed_Vixen
UK(B), 2 yrs
I laughed and I laughed!!!
That was almost as good as the Seaman conversation (I can type it I just can't say it!)
Well all I can can say is RTFM (Read The F***ing Manual!)
But there again Master Waggle always knows best! *winks*
XXXXX

6 May 07, 4:05 PM
ScarletPimpernel
UK(HA), 4 yrs
Why dont you invite fettie over and attach a magic wand to her cunt! tie her ankles up and push her around the lawn picking up the last of the grass cuttings?
~ I know I am not perfect but I'm so close it scares ME!! ~

6 May 07, 5:50 PM
GeeeGeee
UK, 2 yrs
You poor thing. Bless.
But on a more serious note, I've only replied to this blog for ONE reason. I got sent this yesterday, and I've been dying to pass it on ever since. (Yes wags, I deem you worthy).
Have this for the emotional anguish you suffered from gardening.
What is food to one is to others bitter poison.
"...and the links of her chains sang against one another."

8 Sep 07, 9:07 PM
lizzymint
UK, 23 mths

waggle wrote:
Ok sometimes being an only child is not all getting what you want!!And being a good son is hell.
I've never particularly greenfingered and do not take much joy from pottering about in the garden ,just not the way i'm wired.
So mowing the lawn yesterday was a chore from hell especially since it was the first cut(yeah yeah i know it should have been done agers ago).Looking out onto the front lawn was like gazing into the jungle.I'm sure there were mutters from our neighbours about the state of the grass and how it was making the estate look bad(apparently it's relatively well to do be around this part of the black country....yeah i was surprised as well).So thought it was best i did something about it.
Not before i did the car boot in the morning,make a little money for myself i thought.So packed the car the night before got up at 6 o stupid clock on a saturday !!!.Tootled down to the big field with all the other car booters.Started to set up and there they were the traders,nosing at what you've got peering over your shoulder as you try to unpack the badly packed boot!!
"Give you a fiver for the box of books!....How much do you want for the tv....does that mobile phone work.....etc " After shooing them away i finally set up fricking books enough to set up my own library,the tv mobile and video's. Very slow to start a few people interested in the phone but offering silly prices.
Best part of the morning was when a young girl spotted the phone asked how much and dashed off to her parents ,then a group ( i say group there were 3) enquired about the phone asked to look at it and trying to haggle me down to a stupid price,when the young girl appeared with the money for the original price,with a big shit eating grin took the phone from these people and exchanged goods with the girl.This was made even sweeter when she ran over to her parents on a stall a row across,they checked out the phone and placed it on there stall!To which it sat there all morning till they packed away unsold. Nearly told some pikey!!Yes i said pikey to f**k off when he enquired about the tv ,i told him the price he imediatley offered half,i decided to meet half way and he stuck to his guns,Twice i repeated my price then he claimed poverty!!Much later i saw him driving off behind a dirty battered old van and him in his nearly new bmw!!!
So didn't make a bundle but i made enough to keep me relatively happy.Trundled home(with the tv ok ok i should have sold it to the damn pikey!)To stare into the abyss called the front lawn.Buy i had two new weapons in my arsenal a brand new mower and strimmer!!Ha stupidly thought i,i will wiz through this..........wrong! First i thought i'd strim the worst of the grass all was going ok when i thought i'd need to lengthen the strimmer wires ,so up ended the strimmer ajusted the wires then placed it back or so i thought!!!!Switched the strimmer back on to which the cover piece for the strimmer wire flew off and the strimmer made a whining sound.Oh boy really should have made sure as when i looked again allllll the strimmer wire had unfurled and tangled up.So sat down in a huff and painfully slowly rewound the wire and carefully replaced the damn thing!!Sorted and finished off strimming.Ok mowing next eaaasssssy...............yeah right!!
Ok i see my first mistake was removing the new mower from it's box to put together,glancing at the shiney packet with the instructions then doing the typical blokey thing and not looking at them!!I mean really it's not rocket science....might as well be though.....after about 15 minutes of struggling i gave in and looked at the instructions.painfully slowly i put the damn thing together!! Sorted the lawn will take seconds...............D'oh!!!
So instead of checking the blade height i started straight away mowering the lawn after struggling up the garden hearing the mower heaving and straining ,i thought well ti was the first strip it will be fine now when i go back down...oh best empty the already full grass box from one strip.....Struggled back down the lawn...emptied the grass box again...then struggled back up....Stopped looked at the instruction yet again (it's the bloke in me!!!!)Ohhh might be easier if i adjusted the wheels so the blades are on the highest setting!!!Again D'oh!
Wow the difference not too much struggling just loads of sweating and mutter as by now this is about two hours on from when i started the garden!!!!And why is it that the damn grass collector doesn't collect all the grass!!!!!!!whats the fricking point,if i have to still rack up a bit. They should have a hoover attachment on the damn mowers to suck up the stuff that doesn't get collected in the grass collector. So i don't do gardening!!!!!!!!!!!!
Funny story --- cant compete with the car boot thang!! BUT... my story is that i ended up nicking-by accident, (dont ask!!!!) the lawn mower, then first time i used it - cut thru the freaking wire! so - there ya go --- GET A GARDENER!!!!! xxx


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