mono + poly? (76)

I suspect that you have answered your own question there. It's not possible to assume that all monogamous people will react in the same way. Monogamy is not a single state, but instead is a continuum from strict to borderline poly.

Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven.
Colossians 4:1. NIV

I then read the second.

The only conclusion I can come to is that it won't end well.

If the Poly person were not already in two commited Poly relationships, then being the Mono Partner can and will work if effort and time are put in... I know, I've been there, as the Poly partner of a Open and communicative Mono. We both made compromise, and it worked well for the time we were together.

However, given the current situation as described, and boiling it down the gut instinct and the ID personaliy where this resides:

I would feel that "the Mono ID" inside Troubled simply cannot relate to "the Poly ID" inside the Man she has fallen for.

Troubled's ID will always be "Introvert" (bad word, but the best one I can think of), and have needs that the ID of her "Extrovert" partner will never be able to fulfil, especially given his current circumstance. If he feels that he has to change to please her, he then hurts two other people, that quite frankly don't deserve that.

So, honestly? It's going to hurt like Fuck, and I know that you are not going to want to do this... but I think that you have to walk.

OR you will have to "put up and shut up" with his situation, which will lead to you festering inside, denying *your* own truths, which WILL have a destructive bashlash, and is certainly not good for your own growth.

*clink* 2p

Sorry...

On-going Special on Hugs...
An ill conceived law hiding behind the excuse of giving succour to a grieving mother.

Edited 1 May 07, 9:43 PM by MistressNikki

My Rachel (leatherdykeuk), wyfe, life collared submissive yet dominant to all others in the family is in fact utterly monogamous to me, by nature and by choice.

However I am (obviously I guess) polyamorous, always have been, she knew that when she met me.

We just renewed our handfasting vows again today, and her collar (which I renew annually despite it being a life collar, so that I know she always remains with me and mine through free will and her own choice). We've been together since 1999 and are still as much in love.

She adapted slightly over the years by loving Luisa (leathereagle) enough to eventually marry her along with me (triad handfasting), she's been with us full time since 2001 now. But when it boils down to the nitty gritty she loves her dearly, but is still monogamous to me by nature and choice.

Complicated answer after all I guess, but your answer is yes, sometimes it can work... but it's not been easy for Rachel, I can tell you that much.

~doffs cap~ Kat x

http://www.leatherfamily.co.uk Veritas, Respectus, Honorque in Corio

Edited 1 May 07, 10:11 PM by DKLeather

hmmm exactly, I think that's the worst side of how mono-poly relationships can occur.

"When what is indestructible meets what is irresistible, the female all too often wins."

The love felt towards a child is different in essence and as a parent all your children are ever present and you're aware of your love for them.

The point is not so much that you have a block on someone else being poly romantically, it's more that as a mono person who is in love you're entirely oblivious to other people as potential romantic attachments.

And so as a comparison, from a mono point of view, finding out that a partner is poly would be more like a parent finding out that one of their children wanted another mother/father in addition to yourself.

"When what is indestructible meets what is irresistible, the female all too often wins."

Without His side, without His input, you can't know the reality of the situation, no definitive statement can be made... except that the situation is a difficult one and UNLESS there is room for movement on His side THEN things look like no workable compromise is likely.

I think this is the good side of poly, where things are open and I would imagine well communicated from the offset, and each person within the relationship has their feelings considered.

I've wondered before how many people who are 'poly' would be able to be in a poly relationship where it is them who just has one partner, whilst that partner has many. It's good to see that it is possible.

"When what is indestructible meets what is irresistible, the female all too often wins."

To thine ownself be true...

Original Alice

I think this is one of the biggest dangers in any relationship; trying to change another person, or hoping that they'll change.

It is good to talk and communicate certainly, but at the end of the day, we are who we are, and if your own happiness would only come by taking away someone else's then personally I think it's better to move on.

Life's too short to be with someone who you're not compatable with.

"When what is indestructible meets what is irresistible, the female all too often wins."

I can imagine that's true for a lot of people, both in terms of being mono if you're deeply in love, and also how rare those occasions are.

"When what is indestructible meets what is irresistible, the female all too often wins."