Do you have to like humiliation to be sub? (69)

'But if we had to name anything which is the life of the sign, we should have to say that it was its use.'

yes fond of that

What is that? ~ Suck it and see.

Well, I was a youngster in Paris, and the young man I was in bed with asked me 'Are you into humiliation?'. And being the novice I was to such questions at the time I said, 'I don't know, what did you have in mind?', and he says 'I'm going to wank and I want you to stick your tongue up my arse'. I had a little think, and then told him 'Nope, won't do that', and he replied, 'Ah, so you're not into humiliation then'. Anyway, we get on with having sex, dum dee dum dee da, then I go down on him and stick my tongue up his arse, he wanks, comes, and says 'So you are into humiliation after all then' and I say 'No, not at all, that wasn't in the least bit humiliating'.

The lesson of this little Parisien fable was that the act itself was not the humiliating thing to me. However, if I'd just submitted to him when he told me to do so, I'd have felt humiliated by the obedience it would have involved. When the 'moment' was over and we were having sex, when there was no longer any question of being told to do something that he would perceive as humiliating to me, I was into doing it, just as a sexual act that would turn me on, but not as an act of submission.

He also tried to fuck me in front of a mirror, which I also didn't want him to do, despite generally enjoying fucking in front of mirrors in other situations.

I suppose that those were early days when I didn't really know that I wasn't meant to be a sub. I often found myself in sub-like situations, and they made me uncomfortable, I found it hard to get really turned on, finding humiliation emotionally interesting but a hindrance to arousal and climax. It took quite a few years for me to figure out that humiliation wasn't my cup of tea.

Edited 19 May 07, 1:07 AM by Elucie

Took the words right out of my mouth hon

if you love it, tie it up and spank it....

I wholeheartedly agree that if a sub makes decisions about only doing what they like it can be a complete disaster for them. There are subs who really do not want to be in control and do not want to be able to manipulate the Dominant. For some looking to a Dominant for control and not getting it is liable to leave them feeling unsatisfied.

But was He humiliated into it? and if so did He want to be?

To use your example: being tied up and beaten. You may enjoy this and feel no shame whatsoever in enjoying it. It might be a very different story if you found that a tape had been made and shown to your favorite teacher, or your mother, or your best friend's husband. What about being on the inside of two way glass where anyone that wanted could come watch?

There's always some way to up the emotional ante, even for the fun stuff, isn't there?

The continuum of humiliation lies parallel to the continuum of shame, it seems to me. It goes from the "blush and squirm" variety which causes mild discomfort to some serious degradation which can be damaging or cathartic, depending on how much care the Top in the situation has taken to know you and be careful to not knock out those central pillars of self.

For some people humiliation's a turn on. For some, it's not. There's no way it's required to be a good submissive.

SinPar

-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis)

Edited 19 May 07, 4:15 AM by SinPar

But it's certainly not needed; just desired.

oX.