Posted by Excalibur_1949 on Wed 28 Mar 07, 7:22 PM to Excalibur_1949's blog.
its almost a mile stone for Me...a milestone I never expected or wanted to reach.
In three days, it will be the last time I saw her. April 1st 2002... a long time...but I cant see her again, she was taken from Me, and there is no fighting to get her back, no begging for mercy, nothing, nothing but memories.
She wasnt beautiful, she wasnt anything you would write home about, but, she was Mine, she was My freind, My lover, My confidant and My wife, and I did love her so, and still do I guess.
I am sure there has been a day when she hasnt entered My mind, but right now I cant remember what day that was.
I am told that time heals...but it doesnt...time just makes the memories harder to remember...like the time she sat on a wooden fence at a duck pond..and the fence collapsed...I have no idea why she didnt end up in the water...but she didnt...
maybe its not hard to remember...just harder to remember specifics....but thats not true either...I still remember one night coming home from work...finding her dressd in a basque...stockings..heels....not because she liked these clothes...but because I did.
I also remember the time she spent over an hour in the bathroom before bed...she had shaved...cut herself...but that wasnt her concern...she wanted only to know I was happy she was shaved...the things we do to please others?...
Time doesnt stop you lovong someone...time doesnt stop you wanting someone...time actually does nothing...she is as real in My memory as she was in person...
she was a two week holiday fling that lasted a lifetime...hers...how I wish often it had been My lifetime...
I cant change the past, and pleading to God to tell him he made a mistake has made no difference at all...she is still gone.
There is a saying that there are plenty more fish in the sea...and I beleive that is true...but when you have had the great white shark...minnows somehow dont replace the shark..
she was everything to me...she kept Me on the straight and narrow...she washed for Me..cared for Me...made Me smile when I was sad...made Me think better of others...she was more than a friend...she was My best freind..and I do not apologise for missing her.
Fiveyears isnt a long time where you are My heart...but..where I am...its a lifetime...I miss you...I love you...and I still want you.
| 28 Mar 07, 9:48 PM Mistress_B UK, 6 yrs |
What a beautiful piece of writing. Very much from the heart. No words can describe my thoughts as I read it
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| 28 Mar 07, 9:49 PM MadameAnnabella 6 yrs £ |
Dear friend, I cannot pretend that I understand as I have not lived through what you have. All I know is that your love was and is still a very special and rare thing, and those of us who do experience such love are very lucky. So cruel that your love was taken from you so soon.
My heart goes out to you and you should be proud of how you face your daily heartache. Yes, you slip (although I now worry about who washes you if you had that done for you before Your wife made you who you are today, and your tribute to her is that you continue to show that to the world. Hugs Anna xxx Funny how many owners end up looking like their dogs! |
| 29 Mar 07, 10:20 AM cuddlybeth UK, 6 yrs   |
I do sympathise with you and time does not heal it just makes the memories more tender I am so sorry that you are hurting so much if I could take your pain away I would but unfortunately I do not have that skill. My thoughts are with you. |
)but you get up again, every time, and face the world...