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| firemynx_B |
on Mon 27 Oct 03, 1:29 PM to firemynx_B's blog.
Kelly TV's log inspired me to write, about personals.
They can be a good or bad thing. The good being that
it gives you reason to think about what you are
looking for, what you seek, and why you seek it. The
bad being that, you can place yourself within a box,
and not be able to look over the sides of it. Take
for example my own ad. I had placed an age
restriction, location restriction, relationship
status, and even orientation status on mine. 3 out of
4 of those things really did not matter when it came
down to it. The person who I found did not fit the
criteria of 75% of my ad, but He did more than fit
other important parts of what I needed, yes needed,
not wanted. So I think it is always a good thing to
review your ad's, because you feelings and needs can
change almost week by week, depending on what
experiences are thrown your way. As for destroying
your soul, something can only destroy you if you allow
it to do so; sometimes it is better to look on it as a
learning curve, rather than negativity 
Onto other things, today I'm feeling a little better,
my throat is still sore and my glands are still up,
but I feel better in myself. I had a lovely phone
call from my Master this morning and one from SF too.
I love waking up to phone calls (except at ones at 3am
with the wrong number!), it's always a good way to
start the day What am I up to this week? Well I'm
hoping to see my Master as I've said in a previous web
log, but that depends if were both feeling ok, were
both sensible enough to know, no matter how much we
want play, health and such has to come first, so we
shall see on that. A few things are happening around
me, some things good, some not so good, two people in
particular who are close to me are having a minor
hiccup, I have every faith they will sort it out, just
time, communication and care, both of which are more
than capable of doing so, they are both stubborn
buggers though! 
I am also thinking of a friend at
the moment, well not particularly at the moment, I
have for some time, but I feel that my hands are tied
(not in a good way) and I will admit I despair of her,
I feel frustrated, because no words seem to be able to
wake her up to reality. She seems to get herself in
similar situations in each relationship she has been
in, I have to just sit back and not take part in this
one, in the past I have, but I know she has to feel
and know for herself that what she is doing is not
right. She knows it, has voiced it, but doesn't seem
to have the strength to walk away. It's very
frustrating and i've felt myself moving further away
from her, because I am worried I will blow up and tell
her how weak I feel she is being, and that it hurts to
see her do this, I can't do that, she has to feel and
know it herself. 
I had contact from my First ever
Dom the other day, we catch up now and then, though he
had been quiet of late, the last he heard of me was
the end of July and I was going through a bit of a
rough time, he had offered back them to take me back
on (mad mad man!) 
, but we both knew that I had
moved on and was a very different person from 7 years
ago, in most ways, but I appreciated him trying to
help. He will always be someone who will be special
to me, he took those first vital steps with me, and in
most ways I still think of him as a Mentor, someone I
can voice my concerns too and I know I will get honest
feedback from him. He was pleasantly surprised at the
change in me since he spoke to me last and he is glad
that I'm so happy and content. I really must catch up
with him for lunch, maybe I can ask my Master along,
though, is that such a great idea? Two mischievous
evil minds together *shiver*. A few things have
slipped lately, i've had to take time over the last
few months to get myself right, because without that,
I am little use to anyone, and I am still doing that,
so if you think I'm being selfish, I am, and will
freely admit it. I have taken a break away from a
difficult situation, I got hurt, it wasn't
particularly anyone's fault, and it wasn't good for
all concerned, but I did get hurt, and it took me a
while to heal. My Master and other friends were there
for me on that difficult journey and I thank them 10
fold. So if you feel that I am distancing myself from
you at the moment, there are reasons, and it will
usually be to protect you, or myself, please accept
that. I need to not forget about the situation, but
take a step away and just be me for a while and rise
above the hurt, which I'm doing quite
successfully. This week is going to be a busy one,
I have a few things planned, and no I'm not telling.
I just have and that's all you need to know, it will
be revealed all in good time, people who need to know,
already know.
Edited Mon 27 Oct 03, 1:33 PM by firemynx_B
