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| mq1965 |
I've been around here for nearly 3 1/2 years now, and have been thinking I really ought to start a blog sometime for the majority of that time. The trouble is that I am a fairly private person, and although I often feel like writing my personal thoughts and feelings down, I don't feel like then exposing them to the world.
So starting a blog has been a matter of waiting for the right inspiration to come along - something not so personal that I want to keep it to myself, but personal enough not to be appropriate for posting on the boards. Finally that inspiration has come along in the form of my first trip to LAM.
It's not quite my first trip into the real world of the BDSM scene, I've been to a local munch a couple of times, and to Club XS following that, but this feels like a much bigger step into the world inhabited by many of those I have chatted with on the IC boards. Having started to post regularly on the boards only a few months ago I soon realised that getting involved on the boards is a good first step, but still no substitute for starting to meet people in reality.
My biggest problem with this plan is that I am basically a very shy person, and I have a great deal of difficulty introducing myself to strangers. So I was pleased originally to be going as part of a group of people that I knew quite well online, some of whom had plenty of real life contacts. Unfortunately in the week leading up to LAM that group disintegrated for various reasons. We were left with just me and the lovely Psycheee, neither of whom had been before or had much real life contact with the scene as yet. Still we were able to meet up and have lunch before metaphorically holding each other's hands to calm the butterflies in our stomachs as we entered the Grand.
My first feeling was one very similar to my experiences at Club XS, that of a momentary adjustment to your sense of what is normal. For a few seconds you feel like your eyes should be out on stalks as you enter a world far removed from the rainy high street outside. Stalls full of all kinds of fetish clothing and equipment and a mixture of people, many dressed in fetish fashion. Yet within 30 seconds or so my mind seems to click into a different gear, and everything suddenly feels very normal in that enviroment, helped by the fact that the huge numbers of people inside the building all treat this as perfectly normal. It's a strange mental adjustment and creates a real sense of belonging even when you are, in all truth, really still something of an outsider.
The next problem to deal with is recognising people. LAM is as much a social event as a market place, and fascinating though the stalls were at this stage neither of us was really in a position to be buying lots of equipment. Getting a few ideas for the future perhaps, but there is only so much window shopping you can do! So the task begins of trying to work out who to talk to.
Now I have to say that at all the BDSM events I have been to people have been almost without exception open and welcoming, and I suspect you could go up and talk to most strangers and they would be perfectly friendly, but that wasn't something that came naturally to either of us. I guess that a pretty high percentage of the people there were people I would have at least known something about from IC, but trying to recognise people from their IC profile pictures and little more isn't easy. MsGoth on the door was pretty instantly recognisable, and provided a friendly introduction at least (plus confirmation that the cynics had not, sadly, been proved wrong by the appearance of College Girlie) but after that it was much harder work! There were plenty of faces that looked slightly familiar, but few that I could really place with certainty.
LAM of course is on a different scale from a munch. While it isn't unfriendly, because of its scale and its different purpose you aren't going to find any special effort being made to include everyone and to look out for newbies, so you do have to make the effort to introduce yourself to people.
I spent ages looking for RavenMuse as someone I was fairly confident I could recognise and someone I would have felt confident I could get a friendly welcome from only to discover on getting home later that he had been struck down with 'flu and not made it! Nonetheless there were a few - thelittlewun and Electric22 for me, and Maria for Psycheee - that we were able to pick out, also leading to a brief introduction to a few others, including Proccie. All those we did talk to were friendly, and I guess there will be a sort of ripple effect - each time you go you will meet a few more people, which will give you a gradually wider circle of contacts and therefore a bit more socialising to be done.
We only caught the end of Voltini's show, which was a shame as I had the impression it was probably quite spectacular, but we did get a good close up of the much touted Cosmic spanking!
With only a few peole to speak to a couple of hours was enough for us, but I feel the time I spend there will increase in future as I get to know more people, and hopefully have more cause to peruse the stalls. It certainly created a sense of belonging, and as always I was impressed by the sheer goodwill that does seem to exist in the community, despite the occasional bitching that goes on. I'm struggling to find the right words to express this, but it is encapsualted to me by the fact that those who were dressed in more fetish fashion don't seem to show any hostitlity or resentment to those in more vanilla clothes - if you're in the building you belong with us seems to be the message. Leaving afterwards it was strange to look back at the building, see the crowds walking past not having a clue what was going on a few yards away through the walls and really have a sense of belonging to a different world.
It was a first step, and perhaps my shyness prevented me getting as much out of it as I might have done, but I'm sure I'll be back, and I'll get more from it in the future.
Finally...thanks to Psycheee for metaphorically holding my hand - I doubt I'd have done it without you!
Edited Mon 5 Mar 07, 1:16 PM by mq1965
| 5 Mar 07, 1:23 PM MissyG UK(MK), 8 yrs  |
glad you had a good day of sorts, if you want, next time I could quite happily introduce you to some fellow ICers, I was trying to give out name badges all day in the hope people would see eachothers names. My Website-:|:-London Munch-:|:-LondonAlternativeMarket-:|:-Artisian- :|:-Kinkfest | |
| 5 Mar 07, 1:31 PM jukejointjezabel 5 yrs |
Glad you had a good time, I was gutted I couldn't go. It surprised me too when I went last time just how warm and friendly and welcoming people were. I also saw lots of people I recognised but couldn't quite name.
I hope to be at the next one And ahhh, shame about CollegeGirlie. Still, means I don't have to eat my hat (as I promised someone I would if I was proved wrong)
Isn't it great how the more things you go to, the bigger your confidense to go to more becomes
ETA : Also, YAY for your first blog! He said: Edited 5 Mar 07, 1:34 PM by jukejointjezabel | |
| 5 Mar 07, 1:48 PM Bbdspls UK, 7 yrs |
Just a quick note to say hello & welcome to the blogs!
You may be only one person in the world, but you may be the world to one person | |
| 5 Mar 07, 2:55 PM mq1965 UK(DA), 8 yrs |
I know, name badges are really a good idea, and I was grateful for those who were wearing them. The trouble with being introvert, though, is that making yourself known is quite difficult, even when you're fully aware that it's a good idea. I know it's my own fault that I didn't get as much out of LAM as I might have done, but I will get there. I just take more time to feel confident in new surroundings with new people. I can't believe I've had over 100 views for this already. When I posted it I thought I'd be pleased with 100 views ever. Its interesting having a views count - sometimes when you post on the boards you wonder if anyone ever reads your posts! At least here you know that people have. Or at least that they've opened the page - they may have got bored quickly and not read it of course! | |
| 5 Mar 07, 3:48 PM shit_sub UK(W), 5 yrs |
no nooooo mq, thank you for holding my hand! 
~these are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, i have others~ | |
| 5 Mar 07, 4:06 PM mollie UK(CR), 8 yrs |
It was brilliant to meet you both. One of teh big things for me is to be able to put faces to names, and it was brilliant to have time to get to know you both. Welcome to the world on the other sied of teh computer and welcome to blogland. xxCxx Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"/ Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."" | |
| 6 Mar 07, 12:58 AM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
Syndee says next time you go LAMMing she promises she won't pounce on yer anonymously with her corny jokettes.
Retrospectively and Redleggedly-Synd oh and edited to say I did have a name badge- in fact I had two at one point. One said SLUT, the other said FILTHY, but I lost the SLUT so in the end I was merely FILTHY. Hello, good evening and welcome to nothing much A no-holds-barred half-nelson and the loving touch The comfort and the joy of feeling lost Edited 6 Mar 07, 1:00 AM by syndeetoo | |
| 6 Mar 07, 1:08 AM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
Yeah but no but yeah but, someone had a name badge with DUNCUN written on it. Who he then? syndeeSLUT
Hello, good evening and welcome to nothing much A no-holds-barred half-nelson and the loving touch The comfort and the joy of feeling lost | |
| 6 Mar 07, 1:17 AM mq1965 UK(DA), 8 yrs |
Oh yes, I did notice that. And being accosted by a woman wearing a badge saying FILTHY was surely one of the highlights of the day! I did remember that I'd seen you earlier with a SLUT badge. If only one had said Syndee it would all have made a lot more sense. | |
| 7 Mar 07, 11:19 PM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
You want sense, from the Synd? You jest sir!
Hello, good evening and welcome to nothing much A no-holds-barred half-nelson and the loving touch The comfort and the joy of feeling lost |
pls x