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| IndelibleMarker |
on Tue 27 Feb 07, 4:26 PM to IndelibleMarker's blog.
| 27 Feb 07, 4:57 PM mirari UK(WA), 9 yrs |
I don't feel it is confined at all to young female subs, but i do know what you mean. as much as i hate to repeat myself or hark back to the 'good old days' i'm about to do both. when i first found the internet as a place to express and explore my submissive side, there was very much an element of 'policing' going on. people weren't vetted as such, but the more experienced in the channel did try to find out the persons motives for wanting to explore bdsm, more effort was made to help the person decide whether bdsm was really what they needed, and in some cases they were actively discouraged, if it was seen that they could potentially do themselves or others harm. then came a trend towards the lifestyle being 'all encompassing'. no longer should we exclude someone, even if we thought they could harm or be harmed. the fashion became that we, unlike mainstream society, should accept everyone without exception. strangely it came about around the same time as 'not squicking the newbies', a practise of dumbing down play in clubs just in case it upset someone. having said all that, i don't know the answer. i don't think it would be practical to go back to how it was, although i have met some worryingly crazy people over the last few years, i can only hope they do get what they need without causing too many problems or too much heartache, both for themselves and others.
trust your instincts about a person, and if you hear that internal alarm, don't be tempted to become RescueDom...just pick up your long black leather coat... and RUN!!
xx Love, trust and honesty are the strengths that bind. | |
| 27 Feb 07, 5:51 PM IndelibleMarker UK(E), 6 yrs   |
The only reason I am talking specifically about young female subs is because that is where the majority of my experience has been. I have also talked to older female subs, female and male Dom/es with problems. But everyone is entitled to one or two little issues. Generally I find that the ones who come to the scene looking for answers to their problems end up leaving quite quickly anyway. The problem is how they learn that its not right for them. I trust myself not to take advantage but nobody else! Some of the stories I've heard are truely sickening; for example an 18 year old who had it engrained so deeply by her "Dom" that she was useless and everything was her fault that when she accidentally broke a plate, and he purposefully snapped her arm as punishment she felt she deserved it. Then when she wanted to go to hospital he got scared of getting in trouble and locked her in a room for 2 days. He is now in prison. Personally, I hope he rots there. The girl by the way is now fine and has moved onwards and upwards. She remained in the scene and found a decent caring Dom once she had the difference between abuse and Domination pointed out to her. I suppose I just want everyone to be aware this is going on. Keep it Kinky, | |
| 27 Feb 07, 6:01 PM lillygirl_FM UK(PO), 8 yrs |
You know I think us genuine people here just know when it is right or wrong you just have that gut feeling, so when you get it follow it,don't ignore it and you should all stay safexxx *Lillygirl* | |
| 27 Feb 07, 7:18 PM englishh UK(PR), 7 yrs |
I have found that many, but by no means all, subs that I chat to and/or meet have low self esteem. A good Dom/me would raise their self esteem so that they submit to their Dom/me but would be confident and assertive with others. A lousy Dom/me would lower their self esteem still further, and make them totally dependent. I agree with you that many subs can be vulnerable, and can also be destroyed by the wrong sort of abusive Dom/me. I speak as someone who is more sub than Dom, but very assertive outside bdsm, and with very high self esteem. | |
| 27 Feb 07, 7:47 PM IndelibleMarker UK(E), 6 yrs |
So true, I have always used this image to describe it. A cityscape of thousands of people all milling about on the ground. In the centre a pillar with a Dom/me seated on the top, reaching down and lifting the sub up onto the pillar above everyone else. Keep it Kinky, | |
| 28 Feb 07, 9:11 AM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
I think a lot of people have a lot of issues. Perhaps some people are just more open about it? Having said that, it depends just HOW big someones issues are. D/s is heavy stuff, and I think that if someone is not really in control of themselves, how can they be controlled by someone else? Plus in order to have a D/s relationship a degree of emotional maturity is required. In my experience, however, the amount of people with "issues" does not diminish with age. People go through hard stages in their life. Perhaps some of those who seek D/s are simply seeking someone to sort their life out, which is never a good reason for D/s (and probably wont succeed). Equally I think there are a lot of Dom/mes out there who prey on the emotionally vulnerable. I was amazed when I was looking by the behaviour of some of the "dominants", who would often question my submissiveness just because I wasnt begging for them to come and sort my life out. | |
| 1 Mar 07, 10:49 AM x_Red_x 6 yrs |
I think especially amongst the younger or to be more precise newer scene people there is a higher incidence of mental disorder simply because these people struggle to achieve self identity and cope with various associated issues. Because they search for this balance more than those that feel they have it naturally, they are drawn to the darker side of things, to the world of kink, BDSM, goth, vampire, etc., more than the so called sane. I don't think it's a problem. A lot of them drift in and then just as quickly drift out. There are more among the newbies than those that have been around for a few years, simply because people try things and move on when they find it's not for them. There is also a high incidence of high intelligence in the worlds of kink (not that you'd know it some times from the IC boards!), and amongst the high intelligence groups you find a higher incidence of mental illness, so again there is a correlation with mental disorder and BDSM. But I do agree that BDSM is very attractive for those who don't perceive the world in the way that the psychiatrists believe we should. I don't worry about it much, but I do tend to quiz potential partners or subs very closely to make sure that I don't do any more damage to those that already have a problem. Red | |
| 26 Jun 09, 10:55 PM WeissesFleisch UK(SE), 5 yrs |
Another very late reply, much after the fact... I think a lot of young people struggle with self-esteem, and mental health generally, and I think that applies quite strongly to young women. These are confusing times to be growing up in, and few of us are sure what we should think of ourselves and others. It's part of growing up to know what the line is between sexual domination and abuse - and unless someone has a fairly solid basis, this may take a while. I think you're right when you say that those who come to this expecting to find solutions quickly go away again, and those for whom it's a choice that adds to their life tend to stick around for longer. Count yourself lucky if you're confident in yourself and know what is acceptable behaviour. Also, expect your assumptions to be questioned at some point on your journey. Oceanic blue. |
