Posted by janiya
on Wed 22 Oct 03, 6:05 PM to janiya's blog.
I don't know!
There are so many little snippets of D/s that i wish to talk about and perhaps get some feedback on, but i am still unsure where the line is that i drawn in respect to privacy.
Whilst i seem to have more friends than ever that are 'likeminded', if feel that as an individual i am closing up more than ever in regards to talking about me on a D/s level. In terms of sexual experiences i wish to share, i have no problem really but in terms of my relationship with Thomas and me being 'His' i am feeling very over protective at the moment.
I am not sure why. A few thoughts have been: I am protecting myself, perhaps i am feeling selfish but something that i feel and i hate to admit is that i feel that in many conversations i am giving out so much of 'ourselves' when discussing topics get receiving very little back, in some instances. I love to talk about the D/s side of things and i am surprised at my reluctancey to do so at the moment. I know that each dynamic is unique to each relationship etc... and i am not looking for any answers, just a forum to discuss and self-reflect really.
Do people actaully talk about D/s outside of very small circles of friendships? Perhaps it's me - issues of trust? Though to be honest i don't know what may have raised any concerns people may have talking about ythese topics with me. Perhaps it is too personal - too unique??? Any suggestions? I love to hear/disucss protocols, rituals that people share and their reasons as to how these beatufil expressions of love/ commitment/ exchange came to exist.
Recently i have had half a dozen fascinating discussions with a variety of people on D/s and it was great to agree/disagree and still be friends. None of this if you dont do it my way then you are wrong crap!
I think some of my frustration is that despite searching for quite a while now (over a year) we have yet to find a mentor for me. Whilst i have great conversations with Thomas sometimes love can be a block to things.
Part of me at the moment just wants to disappear into a formal training house with Thomas - not sure if i am wanting to hide from something or needing to find something
jane
Edited Wed 22 Oct 03, 6:24 PM by janiya
