Posted by janiya
on Tue 14 Oct 03, 1:34 PM to janiya's blog.
I have had many topics associated with D/s running around in my head recently. Couple this with those thoughts I have had in respect of myself at this moment in time, this results into a great deal of confusion. I find it increasingly difficult to write about many of these topics as they have been covered on previous occasions by other authors – why reinvent the wheel so to speak, particularly when my views/experiences are very similar to those that I have come across to date. I have generally, in light of this, resorted to keeping any thoughts I may have upo any particular topic as my own personal thoughts, based upon my own experiences, howeber, this raises concerns relating to privacy, respect and just 'too much detail' – hence the recent removely of my previuos weblogs. Whilst I am not saying that each one held initimacies I wished I had not disclosed, it is far simplier to clean the slate so to speak and begin again.
I have never undergone formal training in the sense of a 'training house' or through another person / organisation other than Thomas. Such establishments have intrigued me. This has been through 'mystery' rather than knowledge. Having heard Thomas speak about the Oriental House he experienced in Romania and what he learnt about there, I have a curiousity of what life would be like living in such an environment, however, this is image is always with Thomas as the central figure.
I think training to me is something which I learn / explore / experience to achieve a specified outcome as required by Thomas. Training for me includes tasks such as the preparation and laying out of clothing, laying the table and presenting dinner/drinks, controlling my tongue (as in speech) for example. Much of what we experience together in training finds its origins in Orientalism. Whilst we do not follow any one particular belief/concept, we do take threads and adapt these concepts/notions to our own Lifestyle. Orientalism is one such concept.
The preparation and laying out of clothes:
This something that I learnt very early on in my relationship with Thomas. The first timie we approached this training, Thomas laid out his clothes on the bed for me to see the finished product if you like. Each item was placed in a specific order and place. I remember the first few times I could not recall whether the clothes ran from left to right or vice versa until Thomas told 'which way do you read the writing on the page?' I made mistakes and I was helped to rectify these mistakes. Initially I would get very upset when I realised that I had made a mistake. I was battling with 'the perfect submissive' ideal. Today I have moved on and consider making a mistake as part of training. I mean if I got everything write first time 100% then I wouldn't need training would I ?
Today I know exactly Thomas's specific requirements are regarding clothing regardless of event or occasion and I have completed this training for now. If I were to make a mistake today then this would very likely lead to punishment as I should by all accounts now know better. A recent example of this was when I failed to put clothing out for Thomas after his shower on his return from work. To put into contex I am currently not working therefore I have all day to prepare his clothes for his return. It really does only take a couple of minutes. However, on this particular day I went out late afternoon and got delayed meaning that his clothing wasn't ready when he required it.When I returned home he required a full explanation of why there were no clothes. My immediate response was 'because I was delayed – it was not my fault', and failed to understand why he was so disappointed in me. Upon reflection I began to understand things more clearly from his perspective. I was home all day and failed to devote a couple of minutes to attend to his needs before satisfying my own. I could have laid the clothes out before I left the house. I was punished for this misdemeanour.
Discipline to me is an integral part of my training as without it, it would became all to easy to loose the sense of boundaries and the dynamics as they exist between Thomas and myself. Exceptions are rarely made in respect of training, whether the actual process of trainng or the completed task in which i am considered to be adequately trained in.
Training I find, satisfies a whole myraid of needs, wants and desires for both of us. It may be prompted by Thomas or myself. For example I wish that I could walk in high heels in an elegant manner rather than waddling. Thomas enjoys watching me in heels and thinking about how he may assist me in this and train/enable me to perform this task to his requirements.
Edited Tue 14 Oct 03, 1:38 PM by janiya
