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IC : Weblogs : billybofh : "Balloons full of bees"
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Balloons full of bees (22)
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Posted by billybofh on Tue 6 Feb 07, 9:44 PM
Yes, I know their game.
I managed to almost eradicate THE BEES from earth last week. They had been annoying me rather and I felt quite justified. What with their whispering and constant chit-chat about honey and wax. Damn them.
I'd discovered their secret base in a small island near Glamorgan. It was called "THE BEE Island" so, truth be told, wasn't that hard to find. But they are tricksy things, bees are. So it could have been a double-bluff. I could have got the train down then found it was full of wasps.
Anyway!
It *was* full of all THE BEES. So I kind of swatted them for a while and destroyed them all and stuff. Took _ages_. I got there at the back of 11 and wasn't done till after 3. With a fairly short lunchbreak too.
So I headed back home feeling quite tired but actually quite pleased. No more whispering from them to contend with! It ruined last summer for me!
So, there I was last night sitting in my enormous flower-shaped chair when I noticed that one of my many balloons was moving. By itself.
It wasn't one of the ones with the motors either. I know what you're thinking. But it wasn't.
It was full of THE BEES. The swines! Some of them had clearly hidden inside my tummy then flown out just as I was blowing up the balloon. (As an aside, I note that they managed not to loudly whisper all during that little escapade! Oh no!).
I threw bits of frozen vinegar at the balloon until it burst and THE BEES started running around on the floor and whispering at each other. They managed to re-group before I had a change to do my swatting and destroying and things, and began to form themselves into a hypnotic bee-orientated spiral.
At this point I began to fear for my life.
I knew that if I didn't break free of their ghastly psychedelic spell I was doomed. And that would really spoil my plans for the next few days.
So!
I lept up, still unable to move my gaze from them. I ran at them, my helmet fully engorged.
Well! I can tell you! I've never seen such alarmed BEES in all my life! They broke formation and fled!
I ran around the room chanting something about candles until I had caught them all.
Now I have them all in a little bottle which I'm letting my cat salivate into while I show it pictures of new Whiskas flavours I'm devising.
Oh, how they beg for release!
But I shall never give way!
THE BEES! THE BEES! I shall have destroyed... THE BEES!!!!
Fear me!!!
Edited Wed 7 Feb 07, 1:04 PM by billybofh
Replies
6 Feb 07, 10:03 PM
Jezzebelle
UK, 7 yrs
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You been eating those little mushrooms again?
Lol
Jx Coming soon for all your pervy and non pervy print needs, bespoke design and print...
http://www.psprintanddesign.co.uk
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
- William Dement
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7 Feb 07, 8:54 AM
billybofh
UK, 7 yrs
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Well, one has to pass the long winter evenings somehow...  |
7 Feb 07, 9:35 AM
ThedaVamp
UK, 3 yrs
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You made my day with that blog. Thank you! See Daddy? Sinners have soul too.
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7 Feb 07, 11:41 AM
PFLsAgain
UK, 3 yrs
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billybofh wrote:
I threw bits of frozen vinegar at the balloon until it burst and THE BEES started running around on the floor and whispering at each other. They managed to re-group before I had a change to do my swatting and destroying and things, and began to form themselves into a hypnotic bee-orientated spiral.
At this point I began to fear for my life.
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Well you see there's your problem. You're supposed to use vinegar for wasps and alkali (such as bicarbonate of soda) for bees. The easiest way to remember it is A for B; V for W: it's alphabetical you see... 
A quick switch in your chemical warfare armoury will ensure the bees never bother you again. Or change your other chemicals. Either works.  "I learned what every dreaming child needs to know - no horizon is so far that you cannot see above or beyond it." ~ Beryl Markham (first pilot to cross the Atlantic solo the hard way - East to West)
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7 Feb 07, 1:01 PM
billybofh
UK, 7 yrs
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ThedaVamp wrote:
You made my day with that blog. Thank you!
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Yay! |
7 Feb 07, 1:03 PM
billybofh
UK, 7 yrs
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PFLsAgain wrote:
Well you see there's your problem. You're supposed to use vinegar for wasps and alkali (such as bicarbonate of soda) for bees. The easiest way to remember it is A for B; V for W: it's alphabetical you see...
A quick switch in your chemical warfare armoury will ensure the bees never bother you again. Or change your other chemicals. Either works.
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You're in league with THE BEES, aren't you!? I know they have converted some of you humans to their cause. THE CAUSE OF THE BEES! But I will never succumb!
Heavy vinegar is the solution to all problems related to THE BEES. Heavy vinegar and CAT DROOL.
Oh yes, mark my words!
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7 Feb 07, 1:27 PM
PFLsAgain
UK, 3 yrs
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billybofh wrote:
You're in league with THE BEES, aren't you!? I know they have converted some of you humans to their cause. THE CAUSE OF THE BEES! But I will never succumb! |
I'm in league with all flying things. THE BEES are as nothing to the flying cows. Your vinegar and cat drool won't help you then!
"I learned what every dreaming child needs to know - no horizon is so far that you cannot see above or beyond it." ~ Beryl Markham (first pilot to cross the Atlantic solo the hard way - East to West)
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7 Feb 07, 1:57 PM
billybofh
UK, 7 yrs
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PFLsAgain wrote:
I'm in league with all flying things. THE BEES are as nothing to the flying cows. Your vinegar and cat drool won't help you then!
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I am not feart of such beasts! With their tepid winding mechanisms and overly complicated breathing apparatus! My heavy vinegar is more than a match for such things!
But even if it were not, and I am not accepting that heavy vinegar could _not_ out-maneouver a flying cow for one moment, I have teh hat! TEH HAT! I shall never fall foul of TEH COWS. TEH HAT saves all! Apart from TEH COWS. And THE BEES. Which it MOCKS!!!!
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7 Feb 07, 1:58 PM
DillyTante
UK, 3 yrs
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PFLsAgain wrote:
billybofh wrote:
You're in league with THE BEES, aren't you!? I know they have converted some of you humans to their cause. THE CAUSE OF THE BEES! But I will never succumb! |
I'm in league with all flying things. THE BEES are as nothing to the flying cows. Your vinegar and cat drool won't help you then!
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Flying cows? They just don't bear thinking about :-/
Dilly
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7 Feb 07, 2:03 PM
DillyTante
UK, 3 yrs
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billybofh wrote:
[...] I have teh hat! TEH HAT! I shall never fall foul of TEH COWS. TEH HAT saves all! Apart from TEH COWS. And THE BEES. Which it MOCKS!!!!
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Oh my hero! Um. I think.
(Shouldn't brown paper be coming into this somewhere?)
Dilly
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