Posted by RavenMuse on Fri 2 Feb 07, 5:21 PM to RavenMuse's blog.
Something many in this lifestyle are familiar with, an early hurdle for quite a number is the discrepency between what society imposes on us, the rules by which we are 'supposed' to gauge wether we are an OK person or not... our 'morality'
But all too often that 'morality' doesn't conform to OUR reality, it lacks context, is generalised and can't handle individuals that don't fall neatly into one of its pigeonholes.
26 years or so ago it maybe, but I still remember My own fist big fight with that issue. Teasing one young paramour, playing with her clit then taking it between forefinger and thumb. Gradulay building up the pressure, taking her over the threashold between pleasure and pain. Her arms pined down with My other arm, My legs over hers holding them in place. Watching her face, reveling in the fact that the pain simply made her more frantic, more responcive....
The day after that though, I got the Domdrop. Didn't have the lable for it, had no-one to talk it through with, didn't expect it... but it hit me like a runaway bus!
I had delibratly caused her pain, choosen to hurt her.... and enjoyed it. Not only enjoyed it but was suspecting that I in someway needed it. It had opened up a whole new visa of emotions and feelings... discovered what I have over the years come to accept about Myself. That to get Me to want to give her roses.... I need her to want and need the thorns that go with them.
But what did that mean about who I was, what I was....The culture I grew up in, nobody batted an eye if two lads faced off and beat each other to a bloody pulp... But you so much as raised a hand to a lassie and woe betide you. You where the lowest of the low, scum, subhuman and treated as such.
It took a long time to get over that hurdle, to adjust to the whole issue of consent and shake off the weight of that conditioning.
Even now, I can feel it there at the back of My mind any time I am reaching an area of play where I am not sure of the girls comfort zones, not sure of where with this girl is that fine line between hurt and HARM. I know Myself well enough that I can take a girl right upto that line when I have confidence in where it is, enjoy it, revel in it, revel in her... both her pleasure and her pain, her discomfort and after feel nothing but satisfaction and reinforced affection for this wonderful woman. For MY sweet girl.
But it is still there, waiting like a steel trap for the day I mistakingly set one foot over that line, one slip into HARM... and the full weight of all those negative feelings will come crashing down and just like those early years, I will have to dig My way out and rebuild My confidence.
I don't regard it as much of a problem because I don't think it possible to get rid of it entirely. It will always take some form or other and I am happy with where it is. Just makes Me that bit more careful, that bit more cautious at those upper limits.... and that is no bad thing.
So why did I write this today? Lately I've been talking to a few who are just starting out, taking those first steps. They have the advantage of the fact that there is a whole community out here now, easily accessable. Something I never had back then. They come forewarned about some of it... but some bits they simply won't understand fully till they experience it, till they themself get sideswiped by that self same runaway bus.
When that happes, remember, you are NOT the only one despite how it feels at the time. A great many here on IC alone will have faced that bugbear. Dealt with it, adjusted and accepted it..... you will too!
Edited Fri 2 Feb 07, 5:35 PM by RavenMuse
| 2 Feb 07, 8:11 PM HobGothlin 5 yrs  |
A very well written post, there are lots of things I actually wanted to comment on but I'll keep it brief. Firstly there's always that moral worry when you initially have those 'first' Dom encounters, it can bring forth a whole myriad of emotions and dilemma's within oneself, so I can empathise with others there. For anyone starting out my only advice is don't be afraid to sit on the sidelines and read articles and threads on here. Discuss your feelings with others as generally this is an understanding community where people will listen and dispense good advice. Lastly, know yourself, but even more importantly take time out to really get to relly know anyone you are involved with, this I find is paramount to creating a relationship where you can explore things together in an understanding environment where trust and love go hand in hand. Thanks for the post. |
