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IC : Weblogs : alexandraa : "Can There Be Dominance Without Superior Intelligence?"
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Can There Be Dominance Without Superior Intelligence? (18)
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Posted by alexandraa on Wed 24 Jan 07, 10:16 PM
I spoke to one of my friends last night for 2 hours.. Yes 2 hours. We do tend to do that. Don't ring each other for months and then when one of us finally picks the phone up, we just fall straight into chattering like we'd just ended our last conversation 5 minutes ago rather than 5 months ago.
She's one screwy bitch and, as much as I love her, I really don't know how the men in her life cope. Then on the other hand I can clearly see with the right man, someone intelligent, dominant and controlling, she'd be so much better off. So much more balanced. But then I hardly have an objective view on that do I?
She's starved of attention and control, and even though she knows all about my lifestyle she really doesn't accept the fact that she is a submissive too. She is, she is. And a masochist, the slap happy cow. She's also scarily intelligent, stunningly beautiful and has a self esteem the size of dot.
I wonder how many screwy bitches out there just need a sensible man with a firm hand to keep them in control and happy. Hey, stop looking at me, I'm completely grounded you know. Mind you as ever, you have to actually want that control and respect that man.
Communication is so important when it comes to relationships and so utterly vital in a Ds relationship. How can you have healthy power exchange without open and honest communication? But, for me, I need intellectual dominance too. I need to feel the intelligence spark out of the man I choose to submit too, to light up his eyes, speed his humour and enable him to outpace and out manipulate me at every move.
I think sometimes I can be too impatient when talking to some new dominant potential friend. I don't expect them to take control of the conversation, well not much anyway, a bit of leadership never goes amiss, but I do expect them to try and get inside my head. To listen to me, understand how I tick, how my decision making processes work and what's important to me. After all, surely it is only then, after they understand me, that they can start forming opinions, providing guidance and the all important leadership.
The problem is of course, when you're smart lady yourself, watching someone struggle with your thoughts and ideas, their mind ticking with the speed of a fly wading through treacle, seeing your opinions fly straight over their head, means you are never going to be able to have a Ds relationship with them. Surely? Or am I wrong? After all how can you accept leadership from someone whose decisions you don't believe are more capable than your own? Whose decisions you don't believe in? How do you go, “yes master” without rolling your eyes at the same time?
I know for sure that I can't. I could never accept anything more than opinions and discussion points from someone who I felt couldn't fully grasp problems to the intellectual depth I can grasp them. Or indeed was too lazy to really listen to me and understand what I was trying to discuss with them. I'd have a relationship of conflict and argument. I know it. I'd be ranting, fuming and throwing plates.
Call me picky but, I need to feel there is wisdom, depth, intelligence and a degree of problem solving more capable than my own before I can submit to someone. I need to be absolutely and deeply sure that someone has listened to what I'm saying. For after all, when you realise someone doesn't listen to you, you stop talking to them. And then what do you have?
And when you realise someone's decisions are made too swiftly, without thought, respect, research or discussion, why would you listen to them?
Talk to the hand sweetheart….. hardly a submissive response is it. So there you see my argument is… in a Ds relationship, for effective, real and constructive power exchange, the dominant needs to have a higher level of intelligence than the submissive. Unless of course, leadership, as I understand it, forms no real part of that power exchange. Edited Fri 26 Jan 07, 10:20 PM by alexandraa
Replies
24 Jan 07, 10:24 PM
m_venom
UK(DD), 3 yrs
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I'm not gonna reply to all of that since my brain's switched off - but very good points 
So, i think yes, because of course i am intellectually superior to Saltire 
Though, maybe emotional intelligence is the bigger point? or is that basically what you were referring to in the first place?
a thoughtful saq.. |
24 Jan 07, 10:30 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
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I think there are many forms of intelligence that can make a power exchange relationship work, speed of thought, decision making ability, emotional maturity, all sorts of stuff really. I just didn't want to blog and blog for pages and pages so kept it straight to overall intelligence...
I suppose the key point I'm trying to say is when you submit, you submit because you feel the other person is better able to take the lead than you are yourself. For me that's about intelligence.
Be careful what you wish for
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24 Jan 07, 10:33 PM
SnowdropExplodes
UK, 4 yrs
Y!
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The essence of Dominance is decision-making.
One can be a Nobel prizewinner, able to do calculus in your head, and discuss fine literature with the best of them, and yet still not be capable of deciding how to go about a daily (sex) life.
On the other hand, you can be as simple and straightforward as a wooden ruler, and yet have the miraculous ability to listen to the possibilities and the pros and cons, and then say "that one!"
Hypothetical:
A Dominant who does not have high education, who is not trained in the finer arts of thinking (which seems to be what you're talking about) and who falls short on all those CATs and IQs and what-have-you psychometric tests, can still be smart enough to know that her/his submissive partner knows stuff and is capable of analysing it better than s/he can. That Dominant is then able to utilise that submissive's talents to her/his own ends, requiring said submissive to present the options openly and fairly (and administering punishment if it seems that there is some bias involved in the reporting of the options!) The Dominant then makes the decisions.
When it comes to surprise, creative play and suchlike, there may be drawbacks, but if that Dominant has discussed many types of play with the submissive, then said Dominant is in a position to choose which things to use when.
*****
In conclusion, intelligence is not a prerequisite for Dominance, and I would say that to suggest it is, is as questionable as the converse (namely, to suggest that submission requires a lack of intellect).
Ta,
SnowdropExplodes |
24 Jan 07, 10:39 PM
melody_A
UK, 5 yrs
Y!
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alexandraa wrote:
... you submit because you feel the other person is better able to take the lead than you are yourself.
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I totally agree. There are very few I could submit to because there are very few who could dominate me.
Whilst I constantly feel in awe of A, he's built my confidence beyond belief. Never ever has he made me feel less able, yet he is definately more able.
"Thou loggerheaded rude-growing flax-wench!"
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24 Jan 07, 10:49 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
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SnowdropExplodes wrote:
The essence of Dominance is decision-making.
In conclusion, intelligence is not a prerequisite for Dominance, and I would say that to suggest it is, is as questionable as the converse (namely, to suggest that submission requires a lack of intellect).
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Why would a submissive desire or need a dominant to make decisions for her if she had to feed him all the potential options and answers herself?
And yes obviously if I seek a dominant more intelligent that I am it means I will be less intelligent than he is. That is not the same as saying I have a lack of intellect or intelligence. It's all about degrees of intellect and intelligence. The right balance for the right relationship.
Be careful what you wish for
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24 Jan 07, 10:51 PM
RavenMuse
UK(CR), 2 yrs |
alexandraa wrote:
I think there are many forms of intelligence that can make a power exchange relationship work, speed of thought, decision making ability, emotional maturity, all sorts of stuff really. I just didn't want to blog and blog for pages and pages so kept it straight to overall intelligence...
I suppose the key point I'm trying to say is when you submit, you submit because you feel the other person is better able to take the lead than you are yourself. For me that's about intelligence. |
With how you where regarding the issue of intelligence in its myriad forms now clarified.... you are preaching to the perverted.
My problem solving and decision making skills, range of life experience, consistant approach to My responcibilitys, integrity and trustworthyness, general level of intelligence and social skills as well as a high level of communication skills... all help build My girls confidence in the fact that she has placed herself in safe hands. |
24 Jan 07, 11:14 PM
m_venom
UK(DD), 3 yrs
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alexandraa wrote:
I think there are many forms of intelligence that can make a power exchange relationship work, speed of thought, decision making ability, emotional maturity, all sorts of stuff really. I just didn't want to blog and blog for pages and pages so kept it straight to overall intelligence...
I suppose the key point I'm trying to say is when you submit, you submit because you feel the other person is better able to take the lead than you are yourself. For me that's about intelligence.
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Yeah, there is a point where blogs get too long
That is pretty much it, though i don't tend to think about other people's intelligence... maybe it's more about decision making as has been said.. or leadership skills?
I love it when someone else decides
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24 Jan 07, 11:30 PM
BaseOne
UK(PR), 2 yrs
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alexandraa wrote:
I need to feel there is wisdom, depth, intelligence and a degree of problem solving before I can submit to someone |
Exactly, but we all know of many subs on here who go for the arrogant, poetry laden memos and weblogs that entice them to go with the not so moral men on here. ( see the many agony aunt pages )
A lot of women just want that "Dream", not intelligence.
So to answer your question, Can There Be Dominance Without Superior Intellingence? the answer is yes, and I have seen it too many times.
But it is not one I would advocate.
But fortunately, my upbringing and jobs has given me a very logical mind, at the expense of me being called a smart ass sometimes, but better that, than to be one of the many players on here.
I look for intelligence in a woman, and that definition varies for each individual, which always means my decisions relate more, and she should be confident with my decisions.
But basicaly, I agree with you.
B1
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25 Jan 07, 9:12 AM
Insistor
UK, 4 yrs
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alexandraa wrote:
IC : Weblogs : alexandraa : "Can There Be Dominance Without Superior Intellingence?"
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Obviously, there can be or every other pimp would have an Oxford doctorate.
Who knows what some people see in one another? BDSM: Boring, Dim, Sad Motherfuckers.
"There ain't no Sanity Clause", the Marx Bros.
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25 Jan 07, 9:17 AM
Backdooruk
UK(BA), 9 yrs
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alexandraa wrote:
And when you realise someone's decisions are made too swiftly, without thought, respect, research or discussion, why would you listen to them?
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Because you are being dominated.
I think Intelligence is a useful tool in D/s but it's not necessary. Neither is performance in the world a prerequisite to feeling submissive. Even when it's a desired feature of attraction that's no guarantee that other features won't overwhelm it.
But if a dominant doesn't have the ability to make their submissive let go of the monitoring mind-set that causes the submissive to be looking at how good the decisions are or the way they make them then it might *seem* like lack of intelligence is to blame, but in truth it's really just lack of domination.
The ideal D/s situation isn't a submissive applauding the cleverness or any other feature of a dominants action, it's about accepting those actions without reference to standards, otherwise how is it different from non D/s.
- Chris
"I have made this letter longer, because I have not had the time to make it shorter." - Blaise Pascal
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