pls and newcomers (7)

attica's profile

Posted by attica on Thu 4 Jan 07, 11:12 PM

pls thinks seriously about IC, its members, and has thought for newcomers. I think she knows what she's talking about, not just from her own perspective, but,her mind being open, from most perspectives.

I can see that the idea of an "approved list" might be distasteful to some. I, for one, would have found such a list helpful in my early days, when I knew nothing except the need.

It needn't be "elitist" or "arrogant" (though I am both, but would not be on any list): it should be merely a recognition of the knowledge and experience of others. If whatever ilk, background, etc ... except gits (m or f).

Who can you ask? Not the person at the next desk at work,not the person you go out for a beer with ... You need someone who has experience, or at least has thought very deeply about the questions that come up. And if you need help/advice you don't want to look at dozens of profiles.

Who could be on such a list? As I said earlier, there would have to be a mixture of people; the main point being that they have commonsense and experience. How would they be elected to such a list? Not my realm.

True enough, anyone can post for advice. Answers tend to be either none, nonsense, abusive, or perhaps one or two good ones, or even good advice you don't want to hear. Some questions you don't want to pose publicly ... so who do you ask? Ghostbusters?

When I was a newbie, I'd have welcomed a mentor type, either female or male - sometimes I have questions for doms in general (apart from my 98.75%er), too, but how to ask? Or there are things I need to talk about with other slaves.

It is a question of having a reliable source of information (which IC does well), and having dependable sources of advice - whilst that is no more than advice.

Yup, that might have kept me out of a couple of messes in my early days. Even just someone telling me what questions to ask.

Being a volunteer to such a list would take commitment - I for one couldn't/wouldn't volunteer.

I do think it's a good idea, though. As IC has grown it'd be more like writing to an individual agony aunt, rather than to a newspaper.

Edited Thu 4 Jan 07, 11:21 PM by attica

Replies

4 Jan 07, 11:19 PM
Buzz22
UK, 4 yrs

I know that the same people jump on new females, constantly. They have very little to give apart from "I will show you the ropes".
My advice has always been to go to a munch and talk to the organisers however my opinion of late has changed as I am now hearing about newbies wanting kudos starting up there own munches. Nothing concrete just one or two wispers.
Its very difficult for anyone new and genuine starting off and I do not envy them one bit.
If I want your opinion I will beat it out of you
Edited 4 Jan 07, 11:37 PM by Buzz22

4 Jan 07, 11:27 PM
Skyhook
UK(NG), 3 yrs

Problem is, one persons hero is anothers wanker. And that's fine, it's life.
Obviously there are names who are very visible on the scene, which gives a good indication, but maybe not to a newbie.
I.C. should be treated like any new experience in life; new job or location. Be friendly, but not too open until you suss the good guys.
It's not just cream that floats to the surface...

4 Jan 07, 11:37 PM
RavenMuse
UK(CR), 2 yrs One of the big problems people face when starting out is simply being overwhelmed. Especialy if they are a new femsub who joins a site and by the next morning has a mailbox full of mails, a great number of which are demanding and/or demeaning.
That on top of the daunting task of trying to learn enough about the subject to work out what it is they suspect they are being drawn by when they are often confused and conflicted by feelings they have no explination for.
A lot of the time its just settling them down and getting them to think rationaly rather than panic. A little reasurance that they are under no obligation to do anything with the kneel bitch mails other than hit delete, reasurance that they won't get torn to shreds if they approach the public boards with a polite question, reasurance that they CAN take their time and read up/question before making an informed decision rather than walking into some 'situation' with someone offering them 'training'.
It is something I've done many times with folks from all over the world, folks from most sides of the Dynamic (mainly femsubs, quite a few Doms, a few Dommes but no malesubs to date), mostly folks I will never meet and rarely hear from again once they are confident to head off on their own.
If there was going to be 'admin approval' I'd have removed My name, I'm not joining some 'admin club', I don't look for nor need 'validation'. If there was just going to be a list, fine I had no problem being on it... it is only doing what I do anyhow.
That there isn't going to be a list, fine by Me, I'll continue as I was doing.

4 Jan 07, 11:50 PM
Skyhook
UK(NG), 3 yrs

RavenMuse wrote:
One of the big problems people face when starting out is simply being overwhelmed. Especialy if they are a new femsub who joins a site and by the next morning has a mailbox full of mails, a great number of which are demanding and/or demeaning.

I've been stunned by some of the memos girls have told me they have been sent.
But... but... it's all part of the idiot filter. If you can't just laugh and hit delete then you aren't really sorted in life, never mind I.C.
I know it's hard when you are eager to learn; I've made mistakes so I can't throw any rocks, but the mistakes are part of the learning process.

5 Jan 07, 12:08 AM
Skyhook
UK(NG), 3 yrs

Fair enough, I haven't experienced it.
But it's nothing to do with 'submissive status', tossers contacting you are still tossers, through I.C. or elsewhere.
I can understand how it's soul destroying on here though, but to get back to the O.P. I don't think an approved list is the way to go.
Edited 5 Jan 07, 12:10 AM by Skyhook

5 Jan 07, 6:08 AM
dnikki
UK, 3 yrs
I understand the problem newcomers face and agree that pointing them in the right direction might help them avoid the pitfalls many have faced on their journey, BUT there is a plethora of websites dedicated to giving advice to those starting out on the D/s-BDSM path. Wouldn't it be more productive to direct them to a few of those and allow them to make their own mind up? After all, we are talking about adults. As someone else rightly pointed out, one man's hero is another man's idiot.
If a 'List of Advisors' were created, who would approve the members? What would be the criteria for inclusion on said 'List'?
Does attending every club and munch in your area make you all-knowing? I wouldn't think so. It might simply mean such a person knows a lot of people and may already have formed a little clique with their own ideas about how things should be done. There are many....all too many...who can 'Talk the Talk'.
Would appearing on these IC web boards three times a day make you wise anough to offer advice to a newcomer? Reading some of the posts here, I doubt it.
I read so much about advising newcomers to attend munches and get to know people but there many be newcomers for whom that just isn't possible due to their family life, careers, etc. The risk of 'coming out' or, worse still, being 'outed' is one they may not be willing or ready to take.
I'd have thought that if a newcomer has had the wherewithal to find this forum (amongst others), register and browse the boards, they also have the intelligence to be able to read the posts/blogs and arrive at their own conclusions regarding what path they want to follow within D/s-BDSM. Sure, some may stumble a bit along the way but haven't each of us had 'learning experiences' that have taught us more than any words that could be given by an 'Advisor'?
Just my take....
nikki

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers. [ www.d-termination.com/nikki ]

5 Jan 07, 9:09 AM
Maugrim
UK, 3 yrs

Skyhook wrote:
But it's nothing to do with 'submissive status', tossers contacting you are still tossers, through I.C. or elsewhere.
True enough, but it is everything to do with being female I suspect.
As blokes we have our own problems with sites like IC, like being totally ignored, but frankly I don't reckon we have a clue what the girlies go through 'alf the time.
- M.
Edited 5 Jan 07, 9:10 AM by Maugrim


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