Life is but a delusion (1)
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Posted by EricStanton
on Wed 3 Jan 07, 6:39 PM to EricStanton's blog.
Up - down - up - down. I moved on 4 months ago. Exorcised the ghosts and dealt with the drivel and accusations of 'mind talk'. I was as honest with myself as I knew how to be. I expected regrets and difficult feelings but I accepted and was delighted with new possibilities
I settled on what I thought was a genuine caring friendship. I believed in it. I felt it was growing and I valued it. I was willing to work at it. It was fun - It was mutual. There were still ripples in the pond but they were passing. There wasn't anything we couldn't sort out face to face.
Illusion? - self deception that now it would be different, but it seems that whatever mistrust, miscommunication, assumed agendas or simple mistakes on both our parts were there, were only under the surface.
Life becomes a dull empty place that I'm just taking up space in.
And now do I find myself back at the beginning? Another downward spiral? Well perhaps, but I know there is a bottom to push up again from. I am alive - here - now. And its still worth working at. Worth seeing and sorting out my mistakes. Still so worth the time and care.
Edited Thu 4 Jan 07, 9:56 AM by EricStanton
Replies
3 Jul 08, 5:20 AM
thea_x
UK(LS), 6 yrs |
dear you,
it's some silly o'clock and a year and a half later.
i'm glad you stayed with it.
very glad.
XXXXX
EricStanton wrote:
Up - down - up - down. I moved on 4 months ago. Exorcised the ghosts and dealt with the drivel and accusations of 'mind talk'. I was as honest with myself as I knew how to be. I expected regrets and difficult feelings but I accepted and was delighted with new possibilities
I settled on what I thought was a genuine caring friendship. I believed in it. I felt it was growing and I valued it. I was willing to work at it. It was fun - It was mutual. There were still ripples in the pond but they were passing. There wasn't anything we couldn't sort out face to face.
Illusion? - self deception that now it would be different, but it seems that whatever mistrust, miscommunication, assumed agendas or simple mistakes on both our parts were there, were only under the surface.
Life becomes a dull empty place that I'm just taking up space in.
And now do I find myself back at the beginning? Another downward spiral? Well perhaps, but I know there is a bottom to push up again from. I am alive - here - now. And its still worth working at. Worth seeing and sorting out my mistakes. Still so worth the time and care.
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manic sweet creature
'friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive!
think ..and think ..while you are alive.
what you call 'salvation' belongs to the time before death.' Rumi adapt.- Robert Bly
'those among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve' Albert Schweitzer
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