Posted by Excalibur_1949 on Wed 20 Dec 06, 10:41 PM to Excalibur_1949's blog.
okay...its almost Christmas...not the best time of the year for Me...in less than two days I shall be lighting a candle for My mother...its the anniversary of her death...and I sometimes look back at who she was...and what she meant to Me.
She was the first friend I ever had...and the best. She loved Me for who I was, regardless of who I was. She loved Me when I was bad..when I was evil..and when I was good.. She was proud of My achievements...sorry when I failed...comforting when I lost someone or something that meant anything to Me.
She was loved by many, and disliked by none. She was the type of woman who, if she couldnt say a good word about you..would say nothing, I never once heard her say a bad word about anyone, not even My father who was a Bastard of the first degree.
She encouraged Me to become a chef, even though it was unfashionable at the time, encouraged me to write, even though I was never published, encouraged Me when I wasnt sure about a particular girl, she was the one person who I could always rely on to wish the best for Me.
When she actually died, I didnt cry...dont know why...but...tears wouldnt come..until the day of the funeral.
I was fine until the Vicar started talking about her,,,and then I broke down and cried like a baby. and the reason? even though I had shown her all My life that I loved her...I had never actually TOLD her so...she knew it...we both knew it...but I had never said it...and that was the thing. the thought, that tore through Me on the day of her funeral.
I saw My mother a few days before she died, she was spending Christmas with My elder brother in Derby. My last memories of her was Me and My wife had bought her a wireless door chime...and before I was "allowed" to fix it in place for her...she was pressing the button and laughing at the stupid door chime...( it played waltzing matilda".
That was My last memory of her...laughing...and thats the thought I carry today. She wasnt a child...but she had child like qualities...she loved life...and loved people.
You know who you say some people are "good people"...she was one of those...people loved her..people I never even met loved her...she was special..and still is.
So on Friday morning at 1.00 am I shall light My candle for her. I dont believe in afterlife, but she did, and for ths reason I shall light her candle...and if I am wrong..and she is right,,then she will see it burning for her...burning with love...affection..and sorrow...
| 20 Dec 06, 11:03 PM Universe UK(BB), 7 yrs  |
A beautiful weblog.....may it speak to the hearts of everyone who has someone missing from their lives this christmas. And let the meaning behind the message be understood by each and every one of them. Thank you for taking the time and finding the words to share it with us. Universe Smilees For Sale ~ Only £99.99 + vat. |
| 20 Dec 06, 11:49 PM deborah UK, 10 yrs |
Thank you for sharing your much loved mum with us. You got me thinking about my dad, and how when he saw me last I was angry at him, and stayed away from the hospital for a few days...and then he died. You never told her you loved her, but she knew and if she came to you now, she would smile and tell you that all is fine, that she knows you love her....just as I know my dad would say to me, it's ok, I understand, and I forgive you for your anger at me. *hugs* This above all, to thine own self be true. |
| 21 Dec 06, 7:40 AM QuietD UK(WV), 7 yrs  |
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. A lot of what you have said rings true with me, all the qualities you have said your mother had, are true of my own mother, although its sometimes hard to remember, what she was, when I look at who she has become, I know the person I care for now, is still my mother, but illness changes people forever. Sometimes its very difficult, to remember the good times and see past the present. |
