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| mollie |
I have had an awkward few days, my daughter, my best friend, has been home from university. She is in the throes of new love and glows and smiles all the time. BUT she still worries about me, and she doesn't know what is going on though she is aware that something is and she knows that I talk to G about it, and has grilled him. He to his credit has told her that he cannot tell her anything as everything he knows has been told to him in confidence and that I might tell her someday but that I might never tell her.
My other friend James who also knows about this has been asking me (by e-mail) why I can't tell her and that led to a rather franker e-mail than I intended. He has suggested that I keep a copy of the e-mail and when I feel the time is right send it to her.
G is coming over from Spain in a couple of weeks, and I am looking forward to seeing him, and I will maybe get to see James too.
I have a lunch/coffee appointment tomorrow which I am looking forward to. SO I continue one day at a time.
At the moment I am trying to deal with self image problems. G feels that these are the cause of the panic attacks I have, which all seem to be related to meeting people. Bethan says that when people pay me compliments I need to say thank you, instead of going for the self-deprecating smart quip.
It is Hugely difficult. It is a method of coping that I have refined over these many years. Put yourself down before others do it to you and then it will not be so upsetting.
And I'd guess i'm not the only one who does it
Edited Thu 30 Oct 03, 1:38 PM by mollie
