Ds or Dangerous Liaisons? (3)

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alexandraa
Posted by alexandraa on Sun 10 Dec 06, 11:48 AM

Do I or don't I want to go to the LFF? That's the question for this morning. I fancy some company, an afternoon glass of wine with a friend or two would be nice but I'm not sure I want to see “people”. You know, be in a crowded place with loads of folk I don't know. Not sure I want that today.

Not sure I want “fetish scene” to be fair. There was a time a few years ago where it was all terribly exciting. I felt like I was breaking into some secret society, an underground of deviancy and alternative stimulation. Been there done that, got the T shirt and a rack full of equipment. Nowadays I've normalised it. I feel, what's the point in going to something like that? Well one day in the future, with a dominant partner, it might all become interesting again.

Chatting to a friend last week they pointed out how female dominants get away with murder on their profiles. Generally speaking of course. Shows how differently men and women communicate, and what is or isn't acceptable when you are trying to attract a partner of the opposite sex and corresponding power dynamic. So do female dominants who write extreme profiles like that write for their audience or because that's how they truly feel? Is it marketing or personal feelings?

I've always assumed when I get a memo from a male dominant who has a “mighty lord and master” profile that he wrote it that way because that's how he wants to see himself. A kind of desperate attempt at hiding a sense of inadequacy and lack of understanding about what Ds truly is about. But maybe, just maybe he writes it like that because he thinks that's what female submissives want to hear. No doubt there are some femsubs out there who do want to hear that. Hmmmm should I be less condemning of such approaches? Nah.

If I go back several years I probably would have found a profile like that thrilling….???? or maybe not… I've always had a healthy disregard for self righteous pomposity. Yes at this point no doubt there will be those going OOOO arrrrr pot and kettle. No but really, I think I've always been grounded in reality and had very little time for pompous nonsense.

It seems though, the online BDSM society we have sways towards such realms of fantasy. Take the slave register. Some people who I would consider intelligent, sane and normal, going and registering themselves on there like it means something? Like that's a normal thing to do???

Going back 5 or 6 years would I have wanted to do that? When I was new and excited and it all seemed like a jolly big game? To be registered online as someone's slave? Possibly…… although I do know I've always felt uncomfortable with the whole collar malarkey. All a bit Gorean and fantasy land. It's not what's round your neck after all, it's what's in your heart and mind. To me collars are just a part of the play equipment, hanging up there next to the floggers.

I suppose it's all related to that feeling we crave as submissives. We yearn for that total ownership feeling. To feel completely surrounded in control, marked on our bodies and in our souls. We seek the massive overwhelming security of being loved, wanted, and adored and belonging to an extreme degree. To such desperate depths that we want to feel real bindings on our flesh, piercings through our body parts, collars around our necks and welts across our flesh.

No I hold my hand up, I want to feel that too and I do suppress it. I suppress it because you risk so much when you give it. Open yourself like that to your every submissive fantasy and you are completely and utterly vulnerable with nothing left to protect yourself. Brilliant when you can find that person to trust so deeply that you can give all. But what huge responsibility for the dominant. What a massive emotional load you are putting onto another person. Because of course they then have to protect you and your emotional well being from the outside. Which calls for a depth of communication rarely found, rarely sustained.

Is that then why we dress it in fantasy? Keep it within the realms of the not quite real and true? Because as long as we can see it as a game then no matter how deeply we might say we submit we can still pack that game away and slip it under the sofa when it suits?

Do I confuse myself with wanting a real life partner who treats me with equality as well as wanting a master of my heart, body and mind? Is it necessary to make a choice and have just one or the other? Or both but from separate people? I'd say I seek the unobtainable and yet I know I've had it all before with ribbons on. There are a great many things I feel reluctant to compromise on. Do I set my standards too high? Are my expectations unrealistic and fantasy land in another way entirely? Time will tell.

Ds, it's a dangerous game. But oh so thrilling too. Once you've had it can you really walk away from it?

Edited Sun 10 Dec 06, 12:14 PM by alexandraa

Replies

10 Dec 06, 2:03 PM
HobGothlin
UK(NG), 2 yrs

A really interesting post, lots said but in a very no nonsense and succinct way. I guess it's always hard when embarking on writing a profile, nilla sites being more conformist and materialistic based, such as I am solvent, have a car, lovely blonde hair and six feet tall with rippling muscles!
On Bdsm sites however there's a little more freedom of expression, you can push the boundaries a bit more, that said I think it's always best to keep things real too. You can easily tell the wannabes and players on here by what that scribble down on their profiles, they lurch from the direct to the fantasist absurd, maybe because they think it's what their opposites want.
On Domme profiles, well I have mixed feelings, there seems to be very genuine Dommes out there but also a great many selfish and insular ones. I recently memo'd a Domme to basically say lovely profile etc and I see you're in my neck of the woods etc, not because I wanted to get her in her pants, because I'm Dom but just to say hello etc. Though her reply was polite it did give me an insight into why she is on this site, which again I do not have any issues with, I just don't generally agree with, that's all.
Don't feel you're alone in having off days either, I often don't feel scene orientated. I crave the same as you, a glass of wine or a steaming mug of tea with hugs and laugther.
In closing I guess the scene can be what ever you want it to be, there does not have to be any set rules or constraints, it's just hoping you find that special person to connect with and explore the scene together.
And like you say 'Once you've had it can you really walk away from it?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

10 Dec 06, 4:47 PM
flirtycrazykinky
UK(SK), 5 yrs

I can relate to your feelings. Like said already "the scene can be what you make it!"
If you are looking for the M/s relationship , one that is 24/7 , or over a short period of time or perhaps once in a while connection ....it is out there.
Perhaps you are looking for the D/s relationship , one that is intense role orientated and constant 24/7 , one that switches from everyday life to D/s controlled in an instant , equally a weekend a play date ....you can find it..
Maybe you have your muggle relationship and then your dominant/ submissive because you need the seperation and divide in reality , or you have what you have with one and that of the other!
Unfortunatly I have been through the barrel myself and found many wannerbes or perhaps they were just not right for me! The scene is perhaps tougher than the muggle dating scene, due to all the many factors or boxes that need to be ticked. The freedom of variety and choice gives us a huge spectrum to select from making finding a partner more complex and difficult! For muggles as for pervs! Connection , compatability , kinks...it can be a mindfield!
That is why i think it is better to get out there and go to munches and social events to meet people rather than sitting behind a computor screen for too long.
I found the journey of finding a partner frustrating and soul destroying at points. The communications that fail ...the play that didnt work , being taken for a ride and used. All playing with my mind terribly , breaking down my self worth and blinding me to my goals and wants as a submissive . It can be very draining. In the end surrounding myself with friends from the scene helped to cushion my ride through the scene ,and introduced me to people who were well known and respected.
Keeping my weblogs like yours helped to keep my mind in order and my ideals in place , so that when i found the right one ...i knew what i wanted and where i stood!
"if you imagine people as half of a circle, they walk around searching for the other half to the circle to complete them. Instead they should concentrate on being whole within themselves. That way , when they find another who echos their circle they can create the infinity symbol !"
hollyx
submission is permission to truely be yourself without judgment

10 Dec 06, 6:41 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
Thank you for your replies. You've overwhelmed me and given me lots more to mull over.
alex xx
Be careful what you wish for


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