20 Nov 06, 7:14 PM
Malbon
UK(LS), 8 yrs
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Lol bit sensitive there aren't we...
Gibbon1 wrote:
Dominel wrote:
b) opportunists who are looking for gratification without a relationship or commitment.
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Or to put it another way, a term used by stuck up twats, who because they only 'play' in a relationship, look down on those who have a damn good time playing without the the need for commitment or a relationship. Personally, I put it down to jealousy.
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'But if we had to name anything which is the life of the sign, we should have to say that it was its use.'
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20 Nov 06, 7:19 PM
fitzcaraldo
UK(BA), 6 yrs
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Mistress_of_Wolf wrote:
Yes,as a woman, the "opportunist" statement doesnt fit my own experience.
When single for a few months a while ago, I enjoyed exploring with a few " play" partners.
They may not have been wishing for a relationship and commitment, but they were honest, trustworthy, fun, & treated me like a queen.They taught me, escorted me to clubs, altogether enriched my life.
Now in a wonderful relationship, and "playing" only
"a deux", I look back upon these encounters with fondness & respect.
People, and men in particular, may choose to remain single for all sorts of reasons.
It doesnt necessarily make them predators or opportunists.
Ok- There are bad aples, -easily avoided with a zest of common sense & discrimination-
But there are also many ways for consenting adults to relate & experience intimacy.
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Absolutely, and I think that's exactly the distinction between vanilla and BDSM contexts. Attitudes here seem to have a realism and honesty about them more often than not. I wouldn't have called your unattached friends 'players' for exactly that reason.
Escaped from the parallel universe
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21 Nov 06, 3:37 AM
Bugei
UK(SA), 10 yrs
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Yes it confuses me.
To me it has always meant someone who walks the walk not someone who just talks the talk. Players not spectators, commentators or wannabes.
But over the past few years it started to have a new meaning which got me totally confused when I talked to someone who was new to BDSM. I now ask several subtle questions to qualify what is intended.
thelittlewun wrote:
Can someone help me, though I have been doing this for a while the term players confuses me.
It seems to me that some people use it as a term of derision , a bit like a BDSM equivalent of the Sunday driver indicating that what was happening was kinky sex rather than BDSM, whereas others use it as a term to describe people who do it rather than watching.
Also, where does kinky sex end and BDSM begin
I appreciate that there will be those out there who think that I am terminally stupid for not knowing this after 3 years, but it genuionely baffles me, so if people could save their invective and reflections about the genetic makeup of my antecedents, and help me to understand I really appreciate it
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21 Nov 06, 5:50 AM
Abaddon
UK, 8 yrs
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next time maybe it would help if you listened to the words that came before and after the word "player" as in
1) he's a bit of a player he likes to mess around (negative)
2) he's a total player he won't ever bullshit you (positive)
3) he's a player he likes to play monopoly (idiot)
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21 Nov 06, 10:23 AM
ScarletPimpernel
UK(HA), 7 yrs
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Thats what I thought it ment.
druidic wrote:
I think the term "players" means different things to different people and there is no one definition.
The word "player" for me, in a BDSM context, is a negative one. A person who cheats/lies/takes the piss etc.
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~ I know I am not perfect but I'm so close it scares ME!! ~
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21 Nov 06, 5:38 PM
fitzcaraldo
UK(BA), 6 yrs
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Mistress_of_Wolf wrote:
fitzcaraldo wrote:
Absolutely, and I think that's exactly the distinction between vanilla and BDSM contexts. Attitudes here seem to have a realism and honesty about them more often than not. I wouldn't have called your unattached friends 'players' for exactly that reason.
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I agree. -
(Although, being well into Language, I feel ambivalent about the term: Vanilla,-so evocative of milk-shakes, double-cones & custard tarts,- as an ideal descriptive for passionate love-making, albeit ...without ties)
Now, curiosity tikles the Kat. What, then, would you choose to call them? 
( The pix is mine also, btw)
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Vanilla : neutral flavour and colour. Bit of a derisive term I suppose but used as a generality for everyday life and people outside the scene. Could always call them "The unenlightened" !
Escaped from the parallel universe
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21 Nov 06, 7:47 PM
pinkgem
UK, 6 yrs |
In a vanilla context (for me, anyway) the term 'player' has negative connotations, but in the BDSM world, where we term what we do as 'play', then a 'player' is simply someone who plays.
I go to play clubs because I'm a player and I like to play, but in the vanilla world I wouldn't be classed as a player because I'm faithful, honest and loyal and do not wish to play games with other people's emotions. |
