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IC : Weblogs : alexandraa : "If You knew Your Date of Death?"
If You knew Your Date of Death? (3)
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Posted by alexandraa on Thu 16 Nov 06, 9:31 PM
Funny old day today. I had to take one of my team to task. Her Mum is dying, has maybe a month, maybe a week or two. Stomach cancer, secondary cancer riddling her and everything that could be done has been done. It's just a matter of trying to control the pain till the end. My team member had been throwing herself into her work growing gaunter and more manic by the day. I've banned her from work now, sent her home to come to terms with her situation, treasure her last moments with her mother, smooth her relationship with her husband, support her Dad and explain to her children what's going on with Grandma.
At moments like that its easy to see where your priorities lie. It comes home to you what's important. Somehow she had managed to blank all that from her mind. She'd made work her priority and put everything else to one side to deal with later, or so she thought. I think the two hours of tears proved she wasn't coping that well.
Life's too short. We have one shot. I believe the worse mistake we can make is missing an opportunity or regretting not doing something. If we knew our dates of death would we do more? Try more things? Take more risks? I think we'd all say we want to do MORE... whatever more might mean.
It's one reason I walked away from my marriage and middleclass thank you very much that's nice lifestyle. I couldn't bear the thought of getting to 80 and thinking why the fuck didn't I do something else with my life. I guess that's a reason I'm here in London and probably a reason as to why I'll move away from London one day too.
You never do know what's around the corner. What life will bring, what fuck ups or what pleasure. But the one thing I do know is if you don't go looking for it, if you don't make it happen, it won't just land in your lap. Unless of course you're an incredibly lucky bugger.
I do come from the school of “we make our own luck”, and I do actually feel very lucky. I'm really pleased I've made the decisions I've made so far in my life. I can look back over my life with serious joy and think damn but wasn't that fabulous. I only have a couple of big regrets. 1) Staying in my marriage for as long as I did. I really should have walked away about 5 years before I did. 2) Not talking properly to my Dad before he died. I'd become very tetchy and impatient with him as he become older and difficult.
However I don't think that's bad for someone in middle age (eek!!! who said I was in middle age??? shudder).
So the big question is, what memories shall I create next? There is after all bugger all else we can carry with us. I do have some things in mind.... Mwahhahahhahahhahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Edited Thu 16 Nov 06, 9:34 PM by alexandraa
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