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IC : Weblogs : alexandraa : "Tonight is Cynical Night"
Tonight is Cynical Night (4)
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Posted by alexandraa on Wed 15 Nov 06, 9:44 PM
Once upon a time I found a magical place where dreams come true and fantasies can be lived out. A place where I was treated like a princess, loved, cherished, possessed and protected. Somewhere where I could give everything in safety, indeed somewhere where I could lower those barriers, stop protecting myself because someone else stepped in to protect me better than I could.
Ideals that seemed important all those years ago appear to have all but vanished. I can't think how long it is since I've spoken to someone new who understands what power exchange is about. Am I just an old fashioned girl or have my expectations been raised beyond the norm by someone who cherishes women even while he enjoys controlling them?
My latest experience is quite the reverse and reminds me of vanilla bullying. It's a kind of final straw moment I have to say. Suddenly I found myself looking around and thinking what do I have in common with this version of the BDSM world? What does this hold for me? And more important than anything else, since when did submission mean allowing yourself to be treated like a worthless object? That you're only of use if you were serving or providing pleasure of some kind to a supposed dominant/master/sir/cunt (delete as appropriate)?
I feel quite sickened by such things of late. What threw it all into perspective was a visit to a vanilla singles site. And oh my god, do you know there are normal people on there, who interact normally, don't feel the need to tell you a list of demands, don't feel the need to gain some kind of bizarre upper hand on you, don't feel the need to bully you into giving them what they want? Hey no, they just talk nice and are genuinely chatty.
Am I overly cynical? Or has all sense of politeness and understanding of the real beauty of power exchange disappeared from IC? Do I sound like one of the golden moments crowd now, bleating about it wasn't like this in the old days…..? Oh dear.
Or am I just completely sick to the back teeth of only coming across people who seem to think its some kind of battle to push me into submitting to them? Yeah right. Submission isn't taken, it has to be nurtured, developed and the desire built. For me anyway. Surely something taken so easily is rather hollow anyway.
I don't want vanilla as such. But then neither do I want the extremeness that some people seek on here, the collars and slavery trappings. Not for me. Real world, real woman, that's me. I feel at a loss at the moment of where I fit in and I know I won't be the first to walk away from this site because of that.
I don't want to have to go back to suppressing my joy of masochistic sex, nor do I want to lose my delight in nestling in the arms of my beloved feeling completely secure and owned, nor do I want to end up splitting my sex life from my SM activities.
I want the fairy tale. But I feel utterly convinced right now that IC is not the place to find it. And on that note, in the good old ways of poetic justice, a most marvellous and fabulous dominant should suddenly write to me out of the blue……
In the mean time I'm off to hunt in the land of vanilla. After all at the end of the day it's all about the relationship between two people isn't it? So long as they have a nice cock and a firm hand I can't go wrong.... surely?
Replies
15 Nov 06, 9:57 PM
MissP
UK(EN), 5 yrs
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I don't think you're cynical at all. As an educated woman, your wants and needs are fluid.
And I'm utterly convinced that nobody knows exactly what they're looking for until they've found it and tried it on for a bit. |
16 Nov 06, 11:35 AM
tantradevi
UK(CH), 2 yrs
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Kinda echos my own thoughts and feelings
SIGH To thine own self be true
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16 Nov 06, 10:54 PM
krystle
UK(NE), 5 yrs
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I've given this quite some thought myself in the past. Before i met K (which i must admit was on here, albeit only becasue i thought he was someone else.....(dont ask)..), i'd chatted to a series of completely unsuitable/ mental/unstable/desperate/insecure/rude/ignorant twats.
Not all were blessed with all the qualities, although one had all, and a couple turned out to be great people who have since become friends.
But i was getting to the point of withdrawing my advert entirely and giving up.
My thinking (at the time- and if i were in the same position i'd be thinking it again) was, i would like to meet someone who i got on with, either for friendship or a relationship. Most important to me is chemistry and humour, friendship, understanding, respect and that indefinable spark. Then similar BDSM tastes.
I concluded that the BDSM bit was secondary, so why limit myself to looking on a site, where the majority of the advertisers seemed to lack the first 5 qualities that were so essential to me, even if they had a brilliant compatability on the last? (Which none did actually lol)
Personally, i think if you are looking for a relationship, incorporating BDSM or not, the vanilla sites (such as Match.com etc), have a much bigger pool of people with whom you might be compatible in those first 5 categories. So why take all those potantials out the equation? If you worded an advert on an ordinary dating site, im sure it could be pitched just right to appeal to someone who is naturally dominant, or if you were happy to be a bit more risque, then hint at other aspects.
Anyone who had similar desires, whether "out" or not, might hopefully pick up on those? Im sure you could weed them out 
So, i think the best plan is to keep all your options open, and advertise on vanilla sites too. It's much more likely that Mr Vanilla who ticks boxes a,b,c,d and e, might just happen to be into/understand/want to try box e, than Mr Rude Mental Dom will ever get anywhere near your hopes on a, b, c and d.
Good luck xxxx
Edited 16 Nov 06, 10:56 PM by krystle
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17 Nov 06, 5:11 PM
t_judd
UK(BN), 5 yrs
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Submission isn't taken, it has to be nurtured, developed and the desire built. For me anyway. Surely something taken so easily is rather hollow anyway.
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Totally agree with this. Submission should be built on trust and respect, how can you have this if you don't know the person you are submitting to? I wouldn't want someone to submit to me without getting to know me first, I feel uncomfortable if I get a first email from someone that starts with Sir etc. I prefer to get messages that people introduce themselves to me and want to get to know a bit about me before talking bdsm. I like humour, sharing info about yourself before if it feel right go on to some gentle flirting. Building up a relationship stage by stage.
I am sorry that you are having such a bad experience here and would rather the people who do not show you the respect you want and deserve left. Can't see them leaving though, they will continue to be selfish HNGs and mess it up for the rest of us. So I expect you and many others like you will leave this site similar sites. |
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