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IC : Weblogs : alexandraa : "Protection and Security"
Protection and Security (1)
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Posted by alexandraa on Sat 21 Oct 06, 7:35 PM
Dominance and submission can mean so many different things to so many different people. There are more than enough labels and definitions flying around than you can shake a stick at. I was reading a pretty ordinary book today and there was a line within it where the heroine of the scene was talking about her current male lover. She was saying how she could see he needed to have his life controlled and that made him feel protected and happy.
That struck a cord with me. Not as the controller but as the one seeking control. It's not as simple as that of course, it takes more than a set of rules to keep me happy, far more. It is however the essence of my need. To feel controlled, to feel someone cares enough about me to give me that guidance and protection. So I feel wrapped up in comfort and control. So I have clarity about what's expected of me and equally understand what I can expect of the other person in my life.
I find the more the control is there and the clearer I feel about what's expected of me, the more secure and protected I feel. I find I also have a very strong need for approval from the key person in my life.
The tricky bit comes when you have to find someone you can look up to, admire, respect and submit to, to actually reach that position of wanting their control in the first place. For me that generally means someone older and wiser. The wiser bit can be a hard thing to track down. I'm not exactly unwise myself.
I do get some jaw droppingly stupid approaches on here. It can be very entertaining but also somewhat dull. Thank goodness for special friends in my life otherwise I'd have to go celibate or vanilla. I think sex with a charged up vanilla man has to be way better than rolling your eyes behind the back of an idiot dom. As for celibate, let's just not go there.
Which brings me to something else that puzzles me, why is celibacy ever a part of someone's erotic life? It completely baffles me, but then so do many other things eg Japanese bondage - very pretty but dull, cutting - eek what the fuck, tasks - erm I have a day job thank you, and of course celibacy - well if you can't be arsed to fuck me I'll find someone who can. Each to their own of course. And likewise with me, I'm sure my particular bag is way beyond others' understanding - I'll take pain with that sex and control thank you very much.
Back to control, it does make me feel secure. Like mental bondage I suppose, I feel the wisps of protection around me most days, sometimes gentler strands of binding but in moments of SM play and sex, it can turn to a vice like grip. I suppose that's why when I do feel unsettled or upset by something or another, I crave sex and SM. It puts me back in a good frame of mind. Settles me like nothing else can. Puts a smile on my face and nothing can harm me within that golden after glow.
Replies
22 Oct 06, 11:17 AM
Sweetiejar
UK(S), 8 yrs
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I fully understand why celibacy is used with man. Some are so driven by their orgasms and most men masturbate at least daily. Take that away and use teasing and you have a base to work from with a guy who 'forgets' exactly what it was that you told him to do.
But with women, who just get more loving with more orgasms, I cant understand it either. Sweetiejar
The more you sweat in practice...the less you bleed in battle.
www.chesterfieldconclave.com
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