Posted by Matou on Mon 2 Aug 04, 6:44 PM to Matou's blog.
I was told recently that they were the same thing so, pedant that I am, I looked them up. Definitions varied but some phrases were more common than others. One curious thing is that (according to the dictionaries) humiliation was “strong embarrassment” but nowhere in the definition of embarrassment was humiliation mentioned. “Loss of self-respect” and “degradation” were common for humiliation but the nearest embarrassment could get was “shame [at having something private made public].”
What follows is my slant on things – no criticism of anyone else's point-of-view, lifestyle, philosophy or pet iguana is intended.
Whilst I would agree that there is probably some crossover between the two, I plump for subsumed's philosophy. I frequently indulge in sexual embarrassment in my play with cerrynn (or try to – it's hard embarrassing an exhibitionist) but I would never intentionally do *anything* to her which would cause her to feel humiliated. It is against one of the very tenets of our relationship – and the relationships I have had with other submissives. I regard my duties and responsibilities as the Dominant to safeguard and improve my submissive's self-respect and her perception of her self-worth, her confidence and her enjoyment of life. If you think that sounds pompous, I apologise – but it's still true. When cerrynn comes out of a scene, I want her 'up' not 'down' – lowering her self-esteem is unlikely to do that I would think. But what about subs who enjoy being humiliated? I have no data but I suspect that subs who genuinely enjoy loss of self- esteem are in the minority. Is it possible to be genuinely humiliated to the extent that you lose self- respect and enjoy it – and presumably come out 'up'? Maybe you can but I just can't get my head around the concept. I know that I wouldn't want to look at a sub who was less of a person after I finished than before I started and have to say “I did that”. If you have a different view that's fine.
One other Matou profundity: to a certain extent you have to consent to humiliation by acknowledging it. This is a rather airy-fairy statement so I will try to give you an example. Not so long ago I offended someone with my manner. As a result, that person then touched me in a way that was intended to both patronise and humiliate me. It failed. I was shocked. I was angry. Oh boy was I angry. I was not humiliated. To be humiliated you have to have some sort of respect for the person doing the humiliating. It might be respect through fear or the belief that they are better than you are. If you have no respect for them then it can be negated. The shock and the anger are still there but you can cope with those. I know, as theories go that's about as woolly as a whole herd of sheep but it works for me.
The funny thing is that I have been thinking a lot about what he said to me before he took off. I'm not going into details but Matou is going to shut up. I haven't exactly been a prolific blogger recently anyway so there won't be too much change there. Cerrynn is a much better writer than I am so I will leave it to her.
I don't tend to prize material things very much. Some things for horribly sentimental reasons but generally not. The things I prize are mostly people. My friends are second on the list. Guess who's first?
Ai shiteru utsukushii hana
Matou
Edited Mon 2 Aug 04, 6:48 PM by Matou
