Posted by Matou on Wed 10 Mar 04, 10:29 PM to Matou's blog.
Mount Nod, the district in Coventry to be more precise. Now, before the Right Irreverend Matou starts pontificating, a few other things….
Firstly a few words regarding the messages of welcome, congratulations and encouragement that have appeared both in public via this site and others and also via private communications. Only a few words because the usually voluble Matou is somewhat lost for more than these few words.
Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts. It is doubtful that cerrynn will *ever* find sufficient time to respond to every one of them – there were simply too many. That in itself is immensely touching and much appreciated. Added to that is the beautiful, endearing, moving, amusing or downright funny eloquence in which they were phrased. Thank you all.
A special thank you to pflsagain and her charming Dom at whose home we spent Saturday night. C you are a damn fine cook as well as an excellent Top. We had a truly wonderful time. Another special thank you to PBX and subsumed who hosted a private party we attended on the previous evening. It is that evening that indirectly prompted this log. And lo' the sermon begins.
The events of that party in many ways summed up our approach to BDSM. (I guess at this point I had better add our usual codicil in that what follows should be taken in the context of “Our BDSM” and is in no way a criticism of others. Take what you will and leave the rest.) We have a somewhat holistic approach – our BDSM is a reflection of our entire lives. On Friday I played three times, each time co-topping with my dear friend PBX. The first time was a scene which was pure unadulterated fun with the added fillip of the thrill of fireplay. Cerrynn and subsumed have always been close but the wonders of cling film made them somewhat closer than usual! The second time had the three of us co-topping cerrynn in a beautifully sensual scene. The third scene involved headspace and the language of domination. All different and all wonderful.
Our BDSM is not all about sex though it plays a large part. It isn't all about pain though that also has its place. It is not all about sensuality though that is very important. Nor is it only about mind games and D/s though they constitute probably the largest part. All of these things are woven into our vanilla lives, forming the weft between the weave. All of these aspects together form the relationship that is Matou & cerrynn. The tapestry has been two years in the weaving and is still not finished. We have many things left still to do but we are in no hurry. They are part of our future, part of the tapestry as yet unwoven. And *that* is the first point of this sermon, dearly beloved.
Now let me tell you the parable of the mountain climber. Wake up at the back – how dare you sleep while I am sermonising! Harumph. Where was I? Oh, yes. Dear friends, there once was a man who set out to climb a high mountain. Being a sensible man he set himself goals at different points along the ascent, places where he would camp for the night and recoup his energy. On the first day he reached his first camp site and as he rested for the night he was pleased. The second day the climb was a little harder but by nightfall he had still managed to reach his goal. As he rested he felt very tired but was pleased that he had achieved his target. On the third day the weather started to close down and he was forced to stop before he reached his next rest spot. He was a little disappointed but resolved to carry on the next day. At the end of the next day he reached his third goal and fell exhausted into his tent. On the morning of the fourth day the weather had become worse but he decided to try to carry on. Rain lashed his face as he climbed and fierce winds strove to pluck him from the mountainside. Regretfully he decided that it was too dangerous and climbed down the cliffs to where his friends waited for him.
His friends commiserated with him, telling him how sorry they were that he had failed. He looked at them in surprise. “I haven't failed”, he said, “I simply haven't succeeded yet. I set my goals too high. I will go away, rest, and think about what I will do to succeed next time. And look at what I *did* achieve. I am proud of that. And the best part is that I have something to look forward to – I wouldn't have that if I had succeeded today.” He walked away a happy man, with a future to think about.
There is a recurring theme in many weblogs from submissives on IC concerning how distraught and upset they are for having failed their Dominants. With due respect for their misery, I maintain that they should consider what they have achieved and what goals they have to look forward to rather than those things at which they have not yet succeeded. To regard them as failures places more rain and strong winds in the path of the climb. They are part of their future. Treasure them for if we have achieved all our goals what do we have left to look forward to?
When that man returns to attempt the mountain again he will have rethought the feasibility of his goals. Perhaps this is something that Dominants should think carefully about when setting rules and targets for their submissives. Are they ready for them or are these things for the future? Things for both sides of the D/s relationship to look forward to rather than dismiss as failures?
The collection plate will now be sent round. No foreign coins please or you risk eternal damnation.
Matou
“Love is the only chain that truly binds”
Edited Wed 10 Mar 04, 10:31 PM by Matou
