Posted by Matou on Sat 31 Jan 04, 2:49 PM to Matou's blog.
Before I get into the 'meat' of this log, a few side issues. To kayla, memo will be en route shortly – and you looked absolutely *stunning* at the Fashion Show. ShadowRose gently (lovely lady that she is) rapped my knuckles about my last weblog, pointing out that the Empire Trilogy is actually a joint effort between Raymond Feist and Janny Wurts. She is absolutely right. Mea culpa. They write brilliantly together and definitely better, in my humble opinion, than either on their own. Arigato gazeimas, ShadowRose, thank you.
Which brings me on to other weblogs from again ShadowRose, MasterCaitiff and desires on the subject of websites, articles and opinions. ShadowRose's two logs were cogent, courageous and poignant and commanded a great deal of respect from me. MasterCaitiff and desires wrote excellent logs stressing the fact that we are all human beings with our own individual feelings, beliefs, opinions and foibles. I agree with them all. I could stop there but you know me better than that.
Cerrynn and I have been somewhat surprised at the vehemence and vitriol in recent weblogs relating to the Internet in general and links posted by MasterCaitiff for our perusal in particular. The article “On being a Dom” seemed to attract a particular amount of vituperation. Yes, it is pompous, self-righteous and not very well written – but amongst the chaff are some opinions I have to agree with. There are also some opinions I strongly disagree with. The patronising tone used to describe the responsibilities of a Dominant over subs in general particularly irritated me. If he were to use that tone face-to-face with most of the subs I know he would be counting his teeth (as he picked them up).
My suspicions as to the country of origin of this article were confirmed when I read the copyright notice at the bottom of the article. Yes, you guessed it, my (and cerrynn's) least favourite location, the United States. My experiences in US-based chatrooms and conversations with some (not all) American Dominants lead me to believe that these attitudes are common there. As an example, cerrynn enquired with the organisers of a munch in Seattle and discovered that before she would be admitted to a munch she would have to attend an interview to ascertain if she had the “correct” attitude. A munch, for God's sake! Apparently this was because the munch also hosted workshops. Imagine having to attend an attitude interview before going to the BBB!
The reason for mentioning this is to point out that one has to read articles within the context of the author. Russian authors (for example) are likely to have different viewpoints to US authors in the same way as we may have different viewpoints from them. That context will also include the author's own 'take' on the Scene and his or her experience – or lack thereof. Consider how we, members of IC, most living in the same country and participating in the same Scene, argue about various issues. It is hardly surprising that in the international environment of the Internet widely different opinions will exist.
There seems to be a number of people who regard articles and websites on the subject of BDSM as some sort of personal affront. Cerrynn and I plan to launch our own web site and yes, there *will* be “educational” material on there. We would be quite hurt to be described as “holier than thou teachers” purveying “bullshit” as one logger put it. We would, however, agree with that logger's comments about any site which maintains that their way is the only *right* way. Yes, there are people who set up web sites for reasons of self-aggrandisement but there are many which provide extremely valuable sources of information, completely free of charge. CastleRealm is one that comes to mind immediately as one *I* used and learned from when I joined the Scene.
People who have come into the Scene solely via friends, not needing the Internet, are lucky – and probably in the minority. I suspect that most of us discovered our pervy sides in isolation and it was the Internet that facilitated the development and realisation of our desires. Without the Net, it is unlikely that I would be as happy as I am. The Internet has provided - and still is providing – a phenomenal information resource for both cerrynn and myself and countless others. Is it right to make sweeping statements condemning the worthwhile sites which provide advice, suggestions, articles and inspirational stories of personal triumphs and tragedies because of some who are guilty of being bombastic or inaccurate? I think not. Do those worthwhile sites force us to visit them? Do they fill our inboxes with unsolicited advice or catechism? Do they force us to believe what they advocate? The answer to all of those questions is no. As individuals we have brains and intelligence. We can absorb, digest, think - and then *choose* what we want to accept. The Internet provides information 'on demand' – one has to look for it. If you are fortunate enough not to need to learn from it then you don't have to go look. And if you still want to condemn them, condemn also all of the *other* pompous, self-righteous or inaccurate web sites – and books – and magazines – and TV programmes – and Hyde Park Corner orators - and .… Well, I'm sure you get the picture.
Should the people who stand up before an audience to give a talk, a demo or a workshop on BDSM techniques or philosophies also be condemned because they are vain enough to attempt to impart their knowledge and experience, to teach? I know of workshops where the issues are controversial to some but that still doesn't reduce their value as a learning resource.
Designing and filling a web site or presenting a workshop is hard work – and in many cases totally unpaid. The good ones outnumber the bad. Ignore the bad ones and enjoy the good. Whenever cerrynn and I give or participate in a workshop it is usually hard work and for me nerve-racking – cerrynn will vouch for that – but we do it to try to give back to the community some of what we were given *by* the community, both on and offline. Nothing gives us more pleasure than someone coming to us afterwards, saying: “I learned…”. It also pushes our slightly extrovert 'performance' buttons so it isn't entirely altruistic on our part.
Oh, while we are on the subject. We most firmly believe that there *is* a BDSM community. No, not everyone works for the common benefit. Yes, there is politicking and backbiting and spite. Now tell me what community *doesn't* have those particular attributes? The word “community” is described in my dictionary as “a group of people sharing something in common”. It doesn't say anything about it also being Utopia. We love BDSM so much it does seem like sacrilege that our ideals can fail to match the reality but I find it encouraging that amongst all the negativity about pontificators, bad Dom/mes, manipulative subs and liars of all orientations there is also a constant murmur of voices describing the wonderful people in the Scene. As sorcha said, “Focus on these people”.
You're still with me? I admire your stamina. One final thing and then I will shut up from *my* pontificating. Cerrynn received several encouraging memos after her last weblog. To those who may be interested, yes, we are ok. Our relationship is as strong as it ever was. For me, her weblog was strangely humbling. It's scary that someone as wonderful as cerrynn can love an oddball like me as much as she does. She was never in any danger of losing me. As I have said before, how would I replace the irreplaceable?
Ai shiteru, cerrynn-chan
Matou
Edited Sat 31 Jan 04, 2:55 PM by Matou
