Posted by Matou on Sun 4 Jan 04, 7:22 PM to Matou's blog.
Thank you for your comments, Mkane. I expressly set out not to flame and I am gratified that I succeeded. However, I think you misunderstood my essential purpose. The primary point I was making is that the Internet is not responsible for the evolution of D/s, as both an online and real life phenomenon, to the stage it is today in the same way that the tsetse fly is not responsible for its evolution as a spreader of disease – it is the people who use it. Further, I felt that your points were only showing one side of the coin.
Consider a newcomer to the Scene, nervous, unsure and quite possibly worried about whether he/she is doing the right thing in thinking about joining this bunch of admitted perverts and who reads your weblog in isolation. No offence intended but the negativity in it is enough to put them off for life. Ok, to read your weblog and only yours and run off screaming without checking further would be a foolish thing to do but again, this is the human condition. Nowhere do you state that the Internet can be a great force for good by way of its ability to educate and inform and a unique way for people to meet and talk without some joker dropping a date rape drug in your drink. Yes I know that that can happen when people *do* eventually meet up in real life but hopefully, by that time, the information regarding the advisability of safecalls, etc. will have found its way to their browser or inbox.
As an aside, whilst on the topic of meeting up in real life, one concern shared by cerrynn and myself is that in our view, people are too eager to go from talking online to meeting up for real – and this applies to vanilla rendez-vous equally. Again, there are people who can “talk the talk” without the requisite skill or emotional stability or whatever to “walk the walk” but the longer you talk to them online the more likely they are to slip and reveal themselves. Cerrynn has personal experience of this kind of thing from when she first entered the UK Scene.
Coming back to your response the relic seller was merely an example of how people have been using their position (the friars, etc.) to prey on others for a very long time and the practice via the Internet is therefore nothing new. In no way was I suggesting that they should be welcomed or tolerated. Another little aside… In many ways the relic seller reminds me of all these wonderful people who email me on a daily basis informing me that my penis is too small and that I should have larger breasts. I don't have insecurities about the former and I am quite happy having none of the latter but (apparently) many people do have such insecurities or I assume they wouldn't do this.
Nor do I propose that the wannabes who do not desire to progress to “doers” should be similarly treated.
“… but shouldn't they be identified, even by word of mouth, to prevent intentional misrepresentation?“
Ouch. In theory that is a great idea but it smacks of the “Bad Dom/mes Register” concept. Who will do the naming and shaming? Can we be sure that someone named as a “wannabe” is actually that? Whose interpretation or definition will we use? Mud has a nasty way of sticking even when it shouldn't have been thrown in the first place.
I can't prove it obviously and have no desire to try but I assure you that the urban myth anecdote is most definitely true. I have taken your comments in the light-hearted fashion in which I am sure they were intended but my Canadian submissive of the time was a longstanding cyber friend of his and she was extremely upset by his tragic death at the age of 31. The person who summed up the courage to go to the authorities was someone I have spoken to on the telephone.
MsVamp has commented very well on “electronic” friends on cyber and CB radio (yep, I was one of those too) so I won't comment further.
I agree with you wholeheartedly that not all clubs are the same. I guess we are very spoiled with the Velvet Eden nights. Yes, it is very well run by our own Blue Velvet and cerbie and known people go there – but it also attracts large numbers of newbies because of the welcoming atmosphere. I am sure that BV selects her DMs for their abilities to make people feel welcome and at ease as much as for their experience in the Scene. Cerrynn and I are delighted and flattered to be included in that group. But you are perfectly right about variations. Last year I was invited to give my caning workshop at a club in London. The total lack of common courtesy from the audience, never mind more formal BDSM etiquette, made me swear, “Never again!”
I do indeed support your views on the use of terms as buzzwords as opposed to meaningful expressions but I cannot agree with you on the subject of definitions. Definitions are like an MOT – only truly valid at the time they are written. Custom and usage will cause them to change – that *is* inevitable beyond a shadow of a doubt. Perhaps for the better or perhaps for worse – precisely which is a point of view and equally valid for either – it depends on the viewer.
I tend to agree with Jezzebelle: “Evolve or die” – Change has to be better than stagnation. Like some of Nature's creatures we can evolve backwards if we don't like what we have evolved into – as in the mammals who returned to the water – but if one regards change solely as a negative thing then you are forever stuck on the same merry-go-round.
If I may be so bold, I think the major problem I had with your original log was that you made sweeping statements without applying limits. Whether the people or clubs who fit your observations form a majority or a minority I have no idea. I don't have statistical information to form a theory or even an opinion on that. What I do know is that your opinion, as stated, only showed the negative aspects without reference to the positive ones of which there are many as other loggers have illustrated.
I categorically defend your right to state your views as I defend my right to challenge them, hopefully by means of intelligent, considered debate rather than flame wars. Please keep posting.
Matou
Edited Sun 4 Jan 04, 7:32 PM by Matou
