Posted by Matou on Fri 2 Jan 04, 9:18 PM to Matou's blog.
Clare's weblog of 29 December 2003, “Get out of BDSM?” where she commented that “I'm just not likely to get excited by an otk spanking anymore” caught the attention of cerrynn and myself. We certainly aren't disagreeing with her, it's a personal thing and not something it is possible to disagree with but we thought we would give our slant on things.
Cerrynn's weblog deviated from her planned one in that it became a scene description rather than a dispassionate discussion but nevertheless her feelings came through, viz., the idea of being spanked when she gets back to the UK is *still* very exciting for her. However, the opinion voiced by clare (good luck with your Italian Dom, btw!) that one is constantly looking for more and more intense experiences is quite common. (Clare, please forgive and correct me if I have misconstrued your log.) There was a thread on the b2g list a few months ago on this topic and pretty much everyone who commented agreed that they were always looking for 'more'.
Cerrynn and I have a different view – and an otk spanking is a good case in point. As cerrynn said, in terms of sheer pain, it is more likely to bring her to the point of safewording than any other activity we have tried so far and yet so many regard it as a relatively 'mild' activity. Certainly, it *can* be – it can also be sensual, sexual or just plain painful – or all three. It can be short or it can be a full-blown drawn-out scene all on its own. It all depends on the skill, imagination and enthusiasm of the Top/Dom/me. That's the physical side of it.
Then you get the mental side. “Erotic embarrassment” is pretty much a self-defining term but to be totally specific (my definition): “the act of causing embarrassment in such a way that the recipient finds it erotically stimulating”. Exactly what aspects any given submissive may find erotically embarrassing about an otk spanking is going to vary but if the top/Dom/me finds out what they are then they have just enlarged their toy box for free. (Incidentally, I was once on “the panel” for a discussion workshop at the BBB where I asked the submissives in the audience if they would find it 'exciting' to be spanked across their Dom/me's lap. A visual estimate of the hands raised indicated that at least half, probably two-thirds agreed that it would. There were quite a few Dominants regarding their respective submissives with very surprised looks on their faces after that.) I know a lot of Tops/Dom/mes aren't into spanking in general and/or otk spanking in particular. Personally, I think they are missing out but it's all down to what pushes your buttons.
It is most certainly true that cerrynn and I are always looking to widen our experiences, to broaden our horizons. You may say that I am arguing semantics here but we see this as very different. We aren't seeking to replace 'stale' activities with newer, more intense, ones – we are *adding* to our repertoire of things we like to do.
Spanking wasn't the first thing that we ever did but we established before we ever met that it was a turn-on for both of us. In reality, the first play we ever had only involved touching, scratching and gentle hair pulling – it didn't hurt a bit. Whilst the hair-pulling is not so gentle anymore that scene is something we still like to do and it is still as much of a turn-on now as it was then.
The intensity for us comes from what is going on in our minds rather than our bodies though, of course, they play their part. It did come as a surprise to me that cerrynn was embarrassed about her posterior - I guess I will have to practise a little harder what I preach - because I don't find it unlovely in the slightest. (Hmmm, perhaps I shouldn't have said that. I might have to find something else to embarrass her with.) I am fortunate that I find her physically very attractive but it wouldn't matter anyway. I collared her because of her mind and her heart, not her body. I have no reason whatsoever to regret that and every reason to rejoice in it.
Ai shiteru, cerrynn-chan
Matou
Edited Fri 2 Jan 04, 9:22 PM by Matou
