Posted by Matou on Thu 11 Dec 03, 1:41 AM to Matou's blog.
Well it's that time of the month again – no, not PMS – VE. *And* it's the Christmas edition, to boot. Velvet Eden has always had a special place in the Matou/cerrynn lifestyle. We always look forward to it. Funny that two out of three of our favourite events are hosted by BV and cerbie. Unfortunately, this month will be the second one I will be attending without cerrynn.
But I am still very much looking forward to it. We are privileged to have many good and dear friends in the Scene and a goodly portion of them will be there on Friday. Maybe there will be some new people, too, a little bewildered and unsure, chocoholics dropped into Cadbury's. It is wonderful feeling, making those people feel at home, that they are among like-minded people who aren't going to stare at them or judge them because of their kink. “With a little bit of luck”, (see later for the connection!) I'll find someone to play with too, play slut that I am.
One of the most wonderful parts of our D/s relationship is that we can each play with others and be envious but not jealous. I envy someone playing with cerrynn and giving her pleasure – 'cos, greedy sod that I am, I want it to be me and response-wise she is a Top's dream - but I'm not jealous. Cerrynn wears her collar because she wants to. I am also genuinely pleased when she has a good time – which has been 'always' so far. Then again, those friends of ours include some of the best Tops in the Midlands (IMO) – we are so spoiled with our friends. The same is true in reverse: cerrynn is envious of anyone I am playing with – because they are receiving my ministrations and not her, and she is one very greedy slut – but again there is no jealousy. She wears my collar because I want her to. It is a beautiful equilibrium. It's also very flattering to a Top that someone can envy receipt of your attentions – it works for me, anyway!
Provided I can find a new dress shirt to fit me, I think I will drag out the DJ. I like to wear it on special occasions. In my mind, I am transported to a different age, one of elegance and formality. I always feel confident and self-assured when so dressed. It also reminds me of the very first party I attended – also at Caesar's – when I didn't have any fetish clothes and so wore a DJ just to get past the dress code. Most of all I will be wearing it because cerrynn likes to see me in it. She says I look good in it. It doesn't matter a tinker's damn whether anybody else, myself included, agrees. She believes it and that is what does it for me.
I lied a little earlier in this log. I said, “This month will be the second one I will be attending without cerrynn”. I learned at the last VE that I won't be without cerrynn. Everywhere I go, everything that I do, her spirit will accompany me. When I am playing, she will be there, sitting on the side, watching, enjoying. Or she will be beside me, co-topping with me – an invisible wraith without whose presence I would be incomplete. I don't think I really understood how much that “Matou and cerrynn” is really “Matou&cerrynn”. Together, we have changed each other's lives for the better – something of which to be mutually proud, I think. Together, we have helped others to change their lives for the better, something which has given us a great deal of pleasure. Together, our lives have been changed for the better by others, those friends I spoke of before. A mere 8,000 miles can't change that "Together". Despite all the reminders around Matou Mansions that cerrynn is almost on the opposite side of the world, to me it is still as if she has just “stepped out” for a while.
Before I conclude, an advertisement for the next BBB for those not on b2g: in addition to all the usual stalls, the special feature is:
A special treat for Christmas - not a demo but a BDSM musical! "My Fair Subbie"
featuring some of the loggers on Informed Consent in unusual roles!
My concluding paragraph is for cerrynn, so goodbye.
Couldn't resist, eh? Didn't think you would.
Utsukushii hanna, at about 1pm EST on Friday, go out on to the porch, look out over Puget Sound and listen. If you listen very, very carefully you will hear me say as I go out to the car, toy bags in hand, “My darling, you look wonderful tonight.”
Ai shiteru, cerrynn-chan, itsumo. Matou
Edited Thu 11 Dec 03, 1:57 AM by Matou
