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| alexandraa |
So the question is, to hide sex weapons or not to hide sex weapons… My landlord came round the other day and I had about 60 seconds to thrust a plethora of canes, crops, floggers, whips, paddles and chains into the draw under the bed. And then, oh shit!!!, a couple of dildos… Now I keep walking into the bedroom thinking fuck what's missing? Oh!! Where are my beautiful weapons? Where are my canes and crops? What is this empty space on the wall? This empty stand on the floor? Sob.
(You understand they are for decorative purposes only and not meant to be used).
Now then I don't normally hide anything when people come round, you know, I'm me, masochist submissive occasional bitch. But then I don't normally invite my landlord into my bedroom.
I have this damp problem you see, down below, in my drawers as it happens. I kid you not. I have fitted wardrobes in the bedroom and inside, there are 2 chests of drawers and the bottom couple of drawers are now unusable. In fact I've had to chuck out clothes due to mildew problems.
He sucked his breath in when he saw my dampness. Rubbed his chin. I wondered should I make him smell my knickers, an odd damp chemical smell, or indeed should I show him the damp on my corsets? A couple of them are going to have to be binned sadly. I think he couldn't cope with seeing my corsets. I think he thinks I'm a nice quiet girl, who lives alone and does needle work for excitement. No, no as in tapestry you perverts.
Anyway we had a lot of sucking of breath, then he tells me it cant possibly be rising damp because it's a party wall…. ermmmm what??? No, no alex he says patronisingly to this poor little girly creature (who has as it happens, only renovated three houses so far). I am a builder and I know these things. Right I said, so erm what do you think is causing the damp then? A leaky pipe next door obviously. Righttttt. So how about I get the council in to check for damp? No no he, oh masculine builder and landlord extraordinaire, will get access to next door and go check out the wall from their side…. Don't hold my breath I guess…
But anyway, thing is he said he was coming back soon… tonight (no sign of him) or soon… soooooo shall I put the sex weapons back into pride of places or not… ho hummmm ho hummm.
A girl likes to be prepared you know, in case any passing man looks the slightest bit Dom and I can drag him in and make him beat me. Beat me now you bastard evil twat… what do you mean you're just trying to deliver pizza next door? You know, the usual kind of stuff you do on a Friday night.
Now Saturday night should be interesting. Finally, five years later, meeting up with someone I've only ever talked to online. She's bringing champagne so can't be all bad. And apparently a monkey is coming along too….. mmmmm ok….
And the sex weapons? Course they're going back on the wall, it's not right that they're kept in the dark. That's no way to treat such items of delight.
Edited Thu 31 Aug 06, 9:21 PM by alexandraa
| 31 Aug 06, 9:37 PM Kalahari UK, 5 yrs  |
Haha..........I enjoyed the snippet of yur life, and the humour involved! Yes, what strange circumstances we find ourselves in in our alternative lifestyles; once i left a wooden paddle in the computer room - you know the kinda thing - long black blade with holes in it - my son found it and gave it to me with the words, "Here's your cricket bat", kinda rolling his eyes to the ceiling as he went!! God knows what he thought, and we have never spoken about it........so I still have no idea. pmsl. Ho hum, guess I'll have to hide them more carefully. Hope your damp drawers are the "right kind" from now on. |
| 31 Aug 06, 10:11 PM bruffterman UK, 6 yrs £ |
We'll if you're not sure, how he'd react then go with something fairly innocent, leave a pair of handcuffs on the nightstand for instance, he'll either not notice them, ignor them, or simply have to make some sort of comment like "good night was it?" depending on how much interest he takes, will give you a good idea as to whether you need to hide everything next time he comes round. |
| 1 Sep 06, 8:12 AM Da_Pix UK, 6 yrs |
The landlord is just another human being. What's the worst that could happen? He can't kick you out for having strange taste in 'decorations'. He'd probably be overly interested upon finding out, then keep a wide birth as soon as he leaves your house. lol. Be proud  When a pixie does 'bad' things.... it's called showing affection!!! |
| 1 Sep 06, 3:52 PM Faistoidesbleus UK, 6 yrs £ |
My mum was over helping me clear out my flat one day and when she lifted my mattress, saw a wooden spoon under my bed on the floor. 'Been spanking?' she enquired casually. I ever so uncasually replied that it must have gotten misplaced when I got my new kitchen fitted and had to put all my kitchen stuff in my room. Eek sooo embarrassing. |
