Guilt, Submission & Dominance (3)

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alexandraa
Posted by alexandraa on Sun 27 Aug 06, 9:12 PM

You can't win with guilt. I was once told on a stress counselling course that guilt is a wasted emotion. Dismiss it. Leave it alone, do not let it enter your life…. She hadn't met my family.

What is guilt and why do we feel it? Is it a wasted emotion? The dictionary definition (apart from the obvious criminal connection) says guilt is - a) Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong. b) Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.

Do I feel I have done either when I speak/see/visit/think about/receive something from/remember something about my family? Well strictly speaking no. Logically speaking no. Truthfully speaking no. Emotionally speaking yes Yes YES YES. Sigh.

My family has the amazing ability to make me feel I haven't done enough, aren't doing the right thing, should behave in a way that pleases them more, basically somehow should just do MORE. YES they make me feel inadequate and somehow responsible for their hurt looks. I'm not quite sure what MORE means and I suspect a great deal of that guilt pressure comes from within me. Is it I wonder related to my submissive nature (growl)?

I'm an assertive decisive woman (I think). However when it comes to anything to do with emotion I turn into a submissive jellyfish. Beat me with a stick now. Where is that backbone? Is it there? Or there? This I feel is actually one of the reasons why it's so beneficial to me to have Dominant male in my life.

I need someone there to give me that backbone when it comes to emotional matters. I need someone to say no alex you aren't a selfish twat and actually you do need to live your life for yourself and not to please your family. And alex for fucks sake stop punishing yourself for your families inadequacies. It's why I stayed in my marriage for 15 years too, not to please me but to please every other fucker going.

It's the catch 22 of submissive natures, you can't help but try and please everyone you have a fairly deep emotional relationship with. Consequently we make ourselves miserable because you simply can't please all of the people all of the time and keep your sanity.

In a way I created my own hell when I was younger. In my desire to please and make things right I became, as I grew up, the mediator, the cleaner, the cook, the odd job girl, Little Miss Fixit and Grande Dame Sort It Out. It's never changed really and they continually turn to me no matter how far flung across the globe we are.

And yet I'm the fucking submissive one! How odd is it that as a submissive I end up taking control and sorting out everything? An oddly dominant role.

Maybe I'm a dominant and I just don't see it. (Stop laughing Colbeh). I think in many instances there is actually no separation of dominant and submissive behaviour, there are simply those people that can and those that wait for someone else to sort it out.

What am I? I'm someone who finds sorting things out reasonably easy except when it comes to me, then I like to have the reassurance of someone else telling me I'm doing the right thing or indeed telling me how to sort it out. So there you have it, my new definition of submission. That's not going to pass the pub test is it?

Why on earth do we spend so much time self analysing? Too much thinking and not enough sex and beatings.

Well that's what comes from spending the majority of the weekend sat on the M1, car park joy that it is.

Replies

27 Aug 06, 10:03 PM
caprycorn
UK, 4 yrs
You don't have to like 'em - families are what you are born with and hardly your choice. So don't feel too guilty for it. I know, I know, I'm hardly one to talk. But this is definitely a do as I say and not as I do moment - I'm very good at those!
xxx
My imaginary friend thinks that you have a problem

28 Aug 06, 7:44 AM
pinksparklygytha
2 yrs You are aware that you can ditch your family.
I did and I've NEVER been happier - my friends are the family I'd have chosen had I been able to.
The people who I am biologically related to are wastes of DNA.
tigxx
Average, everyday, sane, psycho, angel goddess
What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I f*!k, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on thi

28 Aug 06, 6:52 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs

fuck_thing wrote:
Do you think it would help to think about sex and beatings, perhaps killing two birds with one stone x
I think we could tell our families about the sex and beatings, show them our arses, obviously, and that would kind of be that I suspect.... end of family relationships, we'd never be spoken to again, cut off forever with a bit of luck. Quick someone get over here and give me some wicked marks... what do you mean any excuse?

Be careful what you wish for


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