Posted by cerrynn1 on Wed 7 Jul 04, 8:53 AM to cerrynn1's blog.
ShadowRose's weblog on munches is outstanding, and I agree with her comments and recommendations wholeheartedly. Just a few more suggestions to add to hers ...
If it's your first munch, take *full* advantage of any "meet and greet" services offered. By "taking full advantage", here's what I mean. Email the organiser, and/or any other designated "meeter-greeters" *well* in advance of the munch (two to three weeks is not too early). Introduce yourself to these people in your email. Be open about any fears or insecurities you may have. For example, when I was first investigating going to my first munch, I was worried about whether my age (45, then) would make me "too old" for all this. I was also somewhat concerned that people would be put off by my being an American. I shared these concerns with my meeter-and-greeter, who promptly reassured me that he was (slightly) older than me and he didn't consider himself "too old", and that there were in fact a number of other expatriate Americans in the Midlands BDSM community.
It can be hard to admit, but *especially* if you suffer from shyness or social anxiety in any form, *tell the meeter-and-greeter* about it so that they can be prepared to be even more "pro-active" than perhaps they would be normally. If they know you find it difficult to talk with new people in an unfamiliar setting, they will work extra-hard to help you find people you'll find welcoming and easy to talk to.
If the organiser or meeter-and-greeter offers to meet you outside the munch venue so that you don't have to walk in alone, *take them up on the offer*! For many people, this can make a huge difference in whether their initial munch experience is a rousing success or a disappointing failure.
Many (perhaps even most) munches have their own email group (usually a Yahoo group). Joining the email group, again well in advance of your first munch attendance, is a good idea. Many of the munches listed on the IC events page post the Yahoo URL for their group. If you go to that URL, you can then follow the links to join the group. Usually this also means going through the many layers of "warning! this is an adult section of Yahoo!" pages: annoying, but be persistent and you'll get there. Also, if you do not already have a Yahoo ID and password you will have to register, but this is not difficult -- again, just follow the links.
These groups do vary. Some are active forums for all sorts of BDSM-related conversations and debates. Others are simply means for publicising the munch date- place-time details each month. Once you have joined the group, and especially if the group is of the "active forum" variety, don't just silently lurk. Post a self-introduction letter, share something of yourself, and let people know that you're planning on attending your first munch soon. Better yet, come right out and say that you're nervous and would like to get to know a few people via email before you arrive at the munch. This way, you are building your own "meeter-and- greeter" network. *Even* better yet, join in any email "conversations" that may be going on in the group. I have seen newbies who have done all this when they arrive at their first munch or their first club night: they have been greeted like long-lost friends by all the people who felt that they already knew the newbie from all their postings to the email group!
Munches, like any other human institution, are far from perfect. But for most people new to BDSM they remain the best initial entry point. And, as I have said many a time before, making that first move and getting out into the *real-life*, non-cyber BDSM world is, in my humble opinion at least, far superior to sitting morosely behind one's computer waiting for others to contact you*.
Of course, I am somewhat notoriously prejudiced on this topic, because this is how I met the person who is now my beloved Dominant, my lover, and my best friend. Long-time readers of my blogs (if there are any!) will know that the reassuring meeter-and-greeter I mentioned in the second paragraph of this little essay was Matou. To whom I will only say (for now, that is!) ... I can't imagine what would have happened if I had contacted someone else about the Birmingham Munch, because now I can't imagine my life without you. Ai shiteru, Sensei ... itsumo.
your cerrynn{M}
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*If anyone's interested, my long-ago weblog about why, IMHO, "going public" in the BDSM scene is A Good Thing, can be read at:
/weblogs/cerrynn1/20030401011639630
And ... an accompanying blog about how Matou and I first met and about our "meeter-and-greeter" correspondence is at:
/weblogs/cerrynn1/20030406213113492
Edited Wed 7 Jul 04, 9:46 AM by cerrynn1
