Posted by cerrynn1 on Mon 21 Jun 04, 11:33 AM to cerrynn1's blog.
Two years ago today, in the presence of some of our dearest friends, surrounded by shadows and candlelight in one of our favourite places, Matou placed his collar around my neck. Since then, it has only been removed twice, briefly ... *physically* removed, that is. But that's not what matters. What matter is what my collar - - or rather, Matou's collar which I am privileged to wear -- *means*.
Two years ago today Matou took possession of me, took responsibility for me as *his* submissive, his property. Two years ago I accepted his collar with absolute trust in him, profound respect and friendship.
The collar itself, although I treasure it, is only the symbol of that possession and responsibility, the trust and respect, the friendship. Now, two years later, it also symbolises what has grown over time: the deep connection that has developed from that foundation of friendship, from all our shared "firsts" and magic moments, from all of our difficult experiences and "vanilla problems" (of which there have been many).
Moreover, it also symbolises the love that has grown between us.
It's a cliche', but in many ways it feels like only yesterday that I knelt before him and felt the coolness of the silver chain and the warmth of Matou's hands around my throat, heard his voice softly asking me if I would accept this from him, in full knowledge of what it meant. My answer, then as now, was a heartfelt "yes!" yet at that time, I really could not have imagined what would follow. I could never have imagined how our relationship would progress. I could never have imagined that this wonderful man would be willing to do so much for me as he has ... and as he continues to do every day.
Two years ago today, to be honest, I was not looking far into the future. If anyone had told me that things would work out as they have, I would have been, well, skeptical. My life before meeting Matou had been one in which I had learned the hard way that few things are permanent, that many people make promises with little thought as to their ability to keep them, and that the only person I could ever really count on was myself. It took a long time for me to learn, not just intellectually but emotionally as well, that I really could count on Matou *absolutely*.
That knowledge -- that *conviction* -- that I truly could rely on him, has changed me for the better in more ways than I can enumerate here. It has made me stronger and more assertive in my dealings with the world. It has made me have more faith in my own judgement. It has made me feel safe, even as I dare take risks I would never before dreamed of attempting. It has set me free to fly in ways that only we know.
We have other milestones, other anniversaries in our relationship, all of which are precious, all of which are noted and duly celebrated in various ways. Another is about to be added to the list. But the 21st of June, the day when I placed my life and happiness in Matou's hands, is the one that defines *us*, and as such it will always be the most important.
To my beloved Dominant, on this special day: let me reaffirm, in this public forum, in the presence of friends both well-known and yet-to-be-known, that I am *yours*, body, mind and soul, for as long as I please you, for as long as you want me. I love you more than I can say.
Ai shiteru, Sensei, *itsumo*.
**your** cerrynn{M}
Edited Mon 21 Jun 04, 1:40 PM by cerrynn1
