I've always, since teenage years, had rather sophisticated fantasies, which only now (over 30 year later) am I beginning to find a vocabulary to articulate. I found this community almost by chance, and have since gradually grown in understanding of myself and others. I've got to know some wonderful people through this site and a couple of munches. I rejoice in the diversity.

For most of my time here I've been known as "Wonderer"; I wonder at myself, and I learn about this world with a sense of wonder, and I wonder whether I might at some time get more involved myself. I have begun some gentle exploration and am beginning to think "Explorer" may be a truer nom de plume in the future. (Though I see it's already taken)

To be clear, I have minimal real life experience in the practices of BDSM and limits on my freedom to participate, being deeply committed in a long standing vanilla marriage. She understands I have appetites and desires she doesn't fulfill and would like to explore. We give each other a lot of freedom to pursue other interests, and areas in each others lives where we respect privacy and don't pry.

In terms of desires, I don't think I fancy extreme pain, though would be prepared to be stretched a bit in that area. I do like the idea of restraint, teasing and denial; of a dominant and enthralling woman, perhaps a more experienced, cultured, intelligent, understanding and caring woman, who knows what's best for me, to take charge; of my being required to do acts of service, adoration, worship as she thinks fit; to be teased, humiliated, degraded, and especially sexually frustrated. Perhaps to take control of my chastity. Whatever kinkiness I have is more closely linked to sex (or denial thereof) than to pain, and to serving rather than being served.

Now I've read in a very wise posting that a profile should include what I can offer as well as what I desire. I'll re-iterate that I'm not really seeking a relationship of any kind, but here are a few thoughts. On the vanilla side, I'm reasonably literate, articulate, cultured and civilised, with a wide variety of interests and friends. As to any kind of sub side to my personality, here are a few very simple thoughts. I like to behave like a gentleman, to be courteous and put others before me. I don't always succeed. I love to serve others in areas where I feel competent, especially preparing and cooking meals and of course clearing up afterwards. This isn't kinky, it's just me. I had a memo reply the other day from someone who said I'd made her laugh. That gave me a great deal of satisfaction. I like to contribute, even when often the recipient doesn't necessarily recognise my contribution, and finding service itself is rewarding.

So what am I doing here on IC? I'm interested in exchanging views, making friends and understanding this fascinating and wonderful scene. I've already struck up a rapport with some wonderful folk and made some amazing online friendships. I'm very interested to discover and explore the emergence of new and appropriate ethical codes in this scene. For various reasons I feel it necessary to be discreet about my identity.

In real life, I love my wife, I like to sing, I like to play, I go to work, I earn, I spend, I give to others, I read and write, I explore ideas, I pray, I think, I laugh and make others laugh, I get angry, especially at injustice, passionate, occasionally sad, but more often happy, and from time to time find myself "lost in wonder".

P.S. If you're still reading this far and would like to know more, you may like to read my weblogs, which I tend to use not to document the humdrumalia of normal life but as a ponderings on why I'm here on a BDSM forum, what I've learnt and what it means to me.