Dinner Time

IC Name: passionate_spirit Joined: 26 Apr 2005 Last visit: 227 days ago Sex/gender: Female Location: London , UK SLRN: 947-258-660 Age: 38

I AM OWNED BY BITCHINSPECTOR

Seeking friendship only....We have just moved from Scotland back to London and things are going really well....I am hoping to get to a few of the munches here next month and meet new people.

MY VIEWS ON SUBMISSION AND SLAVERY

To my mind a submissive nature is something you are born with, just as dominants are born dominant. However not everyone recognises or wishes to explore their sexuality. They are quite happy in their vanilla world. Although I am a believer that even in the vanilla world one partner in any relationship will always be the more Dominant one at any one time, I think many don't start to think about dormant desires and sexuality until they have had a taste of the vanilla world first….

The word submission in my dictionary is defined as "humility, meekness, resignation, acceptance of authority, obedient conduct or spirit" This is a very vague and wide stretching definition in my view. Although submissives, those who desire to submit to a person more dominant than themselves, also fall into a very broad category.

I think of submission on a sliding scale. At one end you have those in vanilla relationships who say like to be pinned down during otherwise vanilla sex through to the other end of the scale whist someone is living 24/7 as fully owned property….

Some may start at one end of the scale and slowly work their way along to a level they feel comfortable with and stay there, whilst others need to keep moving up the scale as they grow and blossom in their submission. There is no one right way, it is a very personal thing. What may appeal to one may well scare another….

However even among those in the D/s or M/s community there are those who will try and convince you that you aren't a "real" sub or a "true" slave. You are what you are, and no one has the right to put you down for what you believe in just because it isn't their way, or isn't as extreme as they do things. Acceptance and tolerance should be things we should expect from a community that have all had in some form of another to hide what they are, and put up with negative condemnation by the media….

One thing that does come out of the argument of slave vs. sub is that all slaves are submissive, but not all submissives are slaves. So, a person can be both a sub and a slave, but where is the crossover point where a sub turns into a slave?

This is a good question. In theory I would say when a sub gives authority to their dominant for their life, and accepts that with that authority they are giving up rights that a submissive would normally have, they become a slave. It doesn't mean they give there permission to be treated as a doormat, far from it, most slaves end up as cherished possessions, who can beg, plead and communicate completely and openly with their Dominant, but who also knows that ultimately their Dominant's decision is final and binding. Once enslaved they can no longer leave the relationship, even if they wanted to. This point is one that many can't understand and it causes many arguments….

Not all submissives become involved in D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships. Some subs are quite content to take part in role-play sessions with either one or multiple partners. This doesn't make them any less a submissive than those in a full D/s relationship. If it is what they like to do and it makes them happy and so long as they have safe calls and have ensured their safety it can be a lot of fun….

I know many subs who are married to vanilla partners, who are just not interested in getting involved in another relationships, but who partake of these kinds of role play sessions…. Their partners are happy to let them act out their fantasies, and feel quite safe as usually sexual intercourse is not part of the play, so they don't feel threatened….

Other subs will become quite attached to one particular dominant. They will see each other fairly regularly, and while they are together they assume the roles of Dom and sub. Sometimes they are exclusive to each other, sometimes not. Sometimes sex will be involved, sometimes not. However, at the end of their session together they both assume vanilla roles and become equals again…. Some subs will take this role a little further, and will accept a dominants control a little more, so that it is present all of the time in some form or other, in varying degrees. However they still have the right to turn round and give an opinion and know that if they don't like what is happening, they can walk away at any time…. The dominant has no real hold over them, and can't make them stay if they don't want to. So, to some extent they still regain a certain amount of control over and say in the relationship….

Eventually we come to the 24/7 slave. They have no control, no authority, and no say in what happens in the relationship…. They have been enslaved using a combination of internal methods (i.e. psychological and emotional) reinforced by external methods (such as restraints, punishments, rituals) Although legally they may be physically free to leave the relationship at any time, as modern consensual slavery is not recognised by law, it is mentally impossible for them do to so….

Becoming a slave is not something that just happens overnight. It takes a lot of time, energy, patience, love, understanding, tolerance, communication, openness among many other things to develop into an M/s relationship. It is not something you enter into lightly, and it is certainly not the kind of lifestyle choice many submissives tend to want….

However as you can see anyone can say of themselves that they are a slave, it is after all just a word…. It is those who lives their lives as 24/7 lifestyle slave that often are the ones who will debate the definition of the word itself, and become most vocal when the debate comes up….

Some submissives find their release through pain and S&M play, while others have a very low pain threshold and don't enjoy pain much at all. Some are naturally submissive, others like to be forced to submit…. Some will be antagonistic towards the dominant in order to be punished, some like to serve their dominant and do things for them like menial tasks, some would be appalled if asked to do this kind of thing. Some hate the thought of displeasing their dominant and see it as a failure if they end up being punished. Others like to role play and are turned into schoolgirls/boys, pony girls/boys, adult babies etc etc….

As you can see explaining what makes up a submissive is very complex, because just as in any community there are many differing levels of intensity and diversity, so it is within submission too….

Basically it is all down to definition and tolerance. Be proud of what you are, believe in yourself, know that you are one of many, and try not to judge others by your own standards, but most importantly accept people for what they are, not for the title they give themselves.

Eye colour: Blue   Hair colour: Multi   Height: 5ft 8in   Weight: 10st 5lb   BMI: 21.9  

This profile was last updated on 5 Jun 10, 2:30 PM.

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