I am a quiet, mostly introverted person, but I have confidence in myself, what I am, what I know and what I can do. I am not an aggressively assertive Alpha male, but I definitely have the strength of mind not to be intimidated by those who are. I don't like to stand out, yet I have an almost anti-herd instinct. If something is being done because it is the convention or the fashion I will automatically question it.

I seem to have a strange mixture of rationality and empathy that make me very good at talking to people about emotional issues. I am rubbish at small talk, but get talking to me one to one on serious matters and most people find me good company and helpful.

I am very capable of looking after myself, and not frightened of being on my own, but life would feel so much more complete with the right person to share it with and to enjoy new experiences and new places with.

It won't be easy to find that right person. I am looking for that ability to blend D/s with real life, to potentially be 24/7 without always having to take roles to the extreme. I know it can be done, but that it isn't an easy mix to achieve. It means finding a partner who shares not only my attitude to BDSM but my attitude to life, and enough of my interests to make for a fulfilling relationship in and out of the bedroom. The degree of D/s is not that important, I can do anything from total control to just a bit of fun now and then, depending on the person I am with, what works best for them and for the nature of our relationship. What is much more important is that I click with that person, and that the relationship works.

I think it is also time to add that I do have a masochistic/bottoming side. Describing this is not easy, because different people have different definitions of words, but essentially I could never be submissive within a relationship, but within certain strict limits I can bottom in play. There is a bit more about this side of me and my thoughts on it in this weblog.

So the right person will need to be open minded (and not just sexually - I sort of take that as read on this site!) with a wide range of interests. Its very hard to define exactly what will appeal to me, but I think the key factors that seem to have worked best for me to date are vitality, energy, tolerance, and being open-minded, rational and non-judgmental. These factors are probably more important than shared interests, although those obviously help.

I want someone who is at least reasonably intelligent and who isn't afraid to express their opinions - I believe in defending my opinions by force of argument than by insisting I am Dom and so must be right, and I enjoy a good debate on almost any subject, so doormats need not apply! (Though I'm not sure if that excludes anyone - I have noticed lots of people who deny being a doormat, but have yet to see anyone who claims to be one.)

I tend to be very open and honest in correspondence and have generally found that if you trust people and assume they are decent they will repay that trust. I tend to the view that as a Dom and male I have a stronger position in a potential relationship and that it is important that any woman I am in contact with is comfortable with the pace of things - that they don't feel pressured into exchanging phone numbers or meeting until they feel comfortable with me. I am happy to meet early or take plenty of time getting to know people by e-mail or chat first if that is what makes them comfortable, but sometimes that reluctance to force the pace may be mistaken for disinterest - don't be fooled by that. It may not seem very 'Domly' ( I hate that word, but I'm sure you know what I mean by it) but my view is that we are all equals until we know each other well enough to agree otherwise - I do not assume that I have the right to dictate things at an early stage.

I have done a few online personality tests in my time, and mostly I am not convinced by the outcome, but there is one that I think has described me as well as any I have ever done, so if you want to know a bit more about the way my mind works try the link below.

Profile

As lists of likes and dislikes seem to be becoming almost de riguer in profiles I thought I'd have a go, though I apologise for the lack of obviously zany humorous items in the list - my humour works in a different way.

Likes:

Sport: Cricket, Squash, Cycling, Walking

Humour: Python, Blackadder, Have I Got News For You, QI and much else

Food: Italian, relatively simple but well cooked and good quality food of all sorts

People: Intimacy, cuddling, openness

Places: Tranquil or wild countryside - hilltops and clifftops or quiet woods

Knowing things in general - I like knowledge for its own sake

Dislikes:

Intolerance, close mindedness, possessiveness, jealousy, crowded places, the herd instinct, following fashions mindlessly, inability to think independently and question "received wisdom".

And finally....

In response to a thread on the boards recently about who should make first contact in a D/s situation I have no problem with anyone contacting me. In fact generally my history is of more successful relationships with people who have contacted me than with people I have contacted. I don't know if this suggests my judgement is poor or that I am good at presenting myself in my profile! Either way if you have got this far and want to know more please don't hesitate to contact me.

P.S. I am NOT Nigel. Nor am I his slave, despite what he thinks. He just lives with me, OK?