Now that we're organised, what we going to do?

IC Name: friendly_Paradox Joined: 30 Sep 2005 Last visit: 2 days ago Sex/gender: Male Location: East Midlands, UK Age: 59

My BDSM side was there at puberty. The mental fantasies that accompanied my evolution into manhood were clearly kinky, but at that time there was no means of putting a label on them. There was no google and I certainly couldn't discuss it with my peers. It was always there but I just didn't know what it meant and it didn't extend beyond mental fantasy into my early relationships or my life in general.

It wasn't until 1972 that I began to fully explore my kink side. It was still well before the internet. In fact, in those days computers only existed in air conditioned, dust free rooms. They actually filled those rooms although they merely had the capabilities of today's calculators. I was almost 21.

I was the catch of the day. Just finished a uniformed career and it's true what uniforms do to some girls. I was tall (still am). I was sporty and athletic (I am still tall). I was working towards a university degree at a time when only 2% went to university. I was the guy many girls wanted. I was even the guy many mothers wanted their girls to have. I suspect I was the young guy some mothers wanted, but that's another story.

I didn't play the field. I had relationships. Three months here, six months there until I decided she wasn't right. Then there was her. She soon proved to be different. She didn't go out of her way to please. She teased, tested me, even went out of her way to make me jealous. After 6 months our vanilla relationship had run its course. I already knew that, but it was she who typically was instigating the last rights. I remember standing in her kitchen as she told me.

I was devastated, deeply hurt and desperate. Suddenly I connected with my inner sexuality for the first time. I just instinctively knew it was the right thing to say and do. I'd never read any books or articles on BDSM or D/s, I just seemed to use the right words.

The initial expression of shock on her face is still vivid in my memory. As is, the way that expression changed into pleasure and finally excitement.

Even at that age I was used to being dominant in my vanilla life. I had been leader of the youth club, captain of the school football team, not to mention a school prefect (not quite head boy - you can't win them all). Although I had both dom and sub fantasies, it seemed natural to allow my submissive side out of the bottle. After all, choosing the dominant route would not be an escape from my vanilla persona, merely an extension of it.

She was dominant and for the first time she realised what she was looking for and wanted. For the next three years we had a glorious D/s relationship.

We'd been together in a relationship for 6 months before the submissive me met the dominant her. Come to think of it, it was the first time I'd met the submissive me and she'd met the dominant her. Her kitchen was our road to Damascus.

My vanilla life still requires me to be dominant. Not just a professional, but a leader of professionals with my own practice. Chairman of this and a director of that. For that reason my label of choice is still submissive.

I'm primarily here to participate on the boards. Not just to impart my knowledge and experience but to learn and understand more. Most of my posts will probably be attempts at humour and my more serious contributions will be reserved for when I have something different to say. I will rarely contribute when someone has already made a statement close to the point I would have made. That reflects the kind of person I am.

I'm not being critical of those who don't share this philosophy. Threads would rarely get above 10 posts if everyone was like me. Why should the boards not reflect society as a whole. None of the above precludes me from meeting people, making friends and continuing my exploration, should the opportunity arise.

I remember my father telling me how short life was. That was yesterday and today I'm older than he was when he told me. I won't say I didn't believe him, it just didn't seem relevant at the time. In fact it is the most relevant fact of all.

Knowing just how short life is would make us all better people. We wouldn't waste time on bitterness. We wouldn't hold grudges. We would always be optimistic and be positive and we wouldn't fear disappointment. (Disappointment lasts for only a few days, being convinced things won't turn out right lasts for ever).

Fortunately I've lived my life with those very philosophies. My glass is half full and I think the best of everyone until I know otherwise. Even then I try to find the good in those who others write off.

This profile was last updated on 3 Jan 11, 8:54 AM.

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