A Recent Marley

IC Name: Mr_Bone Joined: 17 Jul 2005 Last visit: 333 days ago Sex/gender: Male Location: Cambridge, UK Age: 45

Single male dominant living alone in three-storey house with grotesques, seeks vulgar companions/playthings for clubbing and general usage. Don't be shy.

Ok then. How about this?

I'm predominantly a good man, in most of the right places, but I have a tendency to veer at stupid or reckless angles if not steered by a firm, sensible hand. Thus I frequently find myself alone by the roadside, having swerved off in some ill-conceived direction and woken up in a ditch all smothered in shite. The engine that drives me is fuelled by a potent mix of hi-octane love and liquid lust, which are among several forms of aberrant behaviour I am prone to exhibit if not detected at an early stage and promptly bud-nipped. I am an armchair idealist and a pessimistic fantasist who feels he has largely wasted his life, due mainly to the fact that I'm not shedding £50 notes like an overstuffed moneybag and sporting a wallet bulging with credit cards and family photos. Such were my shallow dreams for these 'middle years'. My flights of fancy can be as sublime and unrealistic as they are ridiculous and sinful, although I have been told I'm a genius and might even subscribe to the belief if I wasn't quite so dysfunctional... And make no mistake, I am dysfunctional. A broken unit.

When it comes to long-term relationships I am somewhat prone to behaviour that is guaranteed to drive partners away from me, so I think it best for all concerned that women keep themselves at a certain distance. To whit I hide. This is not to say that I don't want them, the women. I'm wired so tightly at the moment that every time I hear high heels going past the house I'm straight up the windows. It's very distracting: I can't watch a film without having to pause it every few minutes so I can watch a female form saunter up the street. And if I like what I see I have to have a wank. The only solution has been to board up the windows!

Human females are - and have always been - pretty much the only chains that anchor me to the world of hope, and sadly they seem all that can lead me to excel. They are my greatest motivation, my main ambition, yet also my heaviest curse, for I am lost in the maelstrom when it comes to finding sexual partners. Love yes. I fall in love far too easily. I'm still in love with and dream regularly about many of you! But as for lust, I am ashamed to say that I don't have so much as a clue, and as a result have spent most of my life in a state of frustrated celibacy, laced with heavy doses of unrequited love and deep misery. As now. In fact, particularly now, because it seems that boredom from so many years of inactivity has lead to the demise of my penis. The poor creature was first awakened when he was 9, but it wasn't until he was nearly 19 years old that he first tasted nectar in a lady's garden, and then after only a few months of frantic strumping was retired again until he was almost 27! There followed a few years of employment for the old chap, but he is currently approaching three years without working. Functionality is the watchword and the watchword is rapidly disappearing, along with my testicles. Viagra looms large.

So I went to see my GP and ended up with a prescription for the magic pill: Sildenafil Citrate tablets 50mg. The only thing is that they're not available on the NHS, so I'll have to pay for them out of my own pocket (to quote the doc: '£5 a pop') and I can't really afford to spend that sort of money on what might well turn out to be a 'posh wank', so I'm appealing for volunteers. I need at least four cuties to put themselves at my tender mercy and succumb to some bondage and torture, coupled with a number of lusty advances. Send your fivers to:

Mr Hugh R Floppy

3 Foxhall Round

So. Horney

Herts

Eye colour: Blue   Hair colour: Dark   Height: 6ft   Weight: 13st 6lb   BMI: 25.3  

This profile was last updated on 25 Jul 10, 5:22 PM.

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